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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Nursery calling every Tuesday

16 replies

Pred1cament · 31/10/2023 10:04

DS is 18 months. He’s been at nursery since he was 9 months and is generally happy there. DD went there for 3 years and we’ve always been happy with it. For a while though we seem to get a call every Tuesday to say he isn’t happy. No other symptoms, normal temperature, eating well etc. just emotional. I have always said I think it’s because he has 3 days off over the weekend where he’s at home and has everyone’s undivided attention so I think it just takes him a while to get back in the swing of being there. By the end of the day they say he’s been fine and had a nice day.

AIBU to be annoyed that they keep calling just because he’s grissly. They said they just wondered if I knew why he’d be unsettled. I get once in a while but it’s nearly every week. I then spend the rest of the day upset and worrying about him when I should be concentrating at work. They always seem to call when he’s right next to them as well so I can hear him upset in the background. Should they just get on with it or are they right to call each time?

OP posts:

Enko · 31/10/2023 10:07

Have you spoken to them about this regularity? Make them aware it seems to be a Tuesday occurrence and how can you work together to make him feel more settled.

Whinge · 31/10/2023 10:09

YANBU. That would really annoy me. They should spend the time on the phone to you trying to settle / distract him. Ringing you is pointless as there's nothing you can do to help soothe him.

Have you ever collected him after a phone call? As the cynic in me thinks they're trying to guilt you into collecting so they can have an easier day.

Original poster

Pred1cament · 31/10/2023 10:12

Whinge · 31/10/2023 10:09

YANBU. That would really annoy me. They should spend the time on the phone to you trying to settle / distract him. Ringing you is pointless as there's nothing you can do to help soothe him.

Have you ever collected him after a phone call? As the cynic in me thinks they're trying to guilt you into collecting so they can have an easier day.

We’ve thought that in the past as well. I did on a few occasions when my daughter was young but try to be tough this time round so they don’t automatically think I’ll collect him. It’s different girls each time so I wonder if they’ve put the pattern together about a Tuesday (I do tell them but not sure how much notice they take). Maybe I should message the office so they can ensure everyone is aware. Like you say, there’s nothing I can do so I’m just left feeling helpless x

OP posts:

CatchHimDerry · 31/10/2023 10:26

My nursery did this, so annoying.

Exactly the same used to get so upset that I couldn’t help and should I collect him etc.

Was a well-regarded, top-rated, expensive nursery so I couldn’t understand it.

I was also of the suspicion it was to get him collected to be honest.

More fool them in the end. Combined with almost constant illness id had enough and changed to a childminder.

Best thing I ever did

I know it’s so hard but I’d try not to give in and collect him if possible unless genuinely unwell etc. They’ll just keep doing it otherwise

dottiedodah · 31/10/2023 10:27

As a former Nursery nurse ,they shouldnt be ringing every week! Unless DC was ill we would not telephone .Distraction techniques should be used (and obv are if he settles !) I would speak to the Manager and see what they say

Give0fecks · 31/10/2023 10:29

Are they short staffed on a Tuesday? 🤔

MoltenLasagne · 31/10/2023 10:31

We had this initially because they knew I worked from home. Then one week I was in the office for face to face meetings and told them I couldn't come, but they could call DH. They never did. His phone number is first on the list as well...

smilesup · 31/10/2023 10:33

It depends on how upset he was. I would want to know tbh so I could make a decision if they were the right place for him. We had to move a couple of ours out of nursery as they hated it and with a childminder instead. 2 of them loved it. Different strokes and all that.

StampOnTheGround · 31/10/2023 10:34

That's strange, ours would just tell us on pick up he's had an emotional day or needed extra cuddles. Again, if that happens it's likely to be a Tuesday for us too as he's off Friday-Monday with us. But we have only ever had a phone call when we've needed to pick him up because of a temperature!

Comedycook · 31/10/2023 10:35

Give0fecks · 31/10/2023 10:29

Are they short staffed on a Tuesday? 🤔

This was my first thought too

jesshomeEd · 31/10/2023 10:35

Some parents want to know if their child is very upset.

If you would rather not have a call, just tell the nursery that - call the manager and ask that they not call you on a Tuesday unless he has a fever or D&V. If he's had a bad day, please just tell you at pick up.

Wolvesart · 31/10/2023 10:59

Our nursery didn’t do this but we had endless trouble with holiday clubs at the private school our DC went to for a few years. It was difficult not to use them because they were during the 2 weeks of the summer hols before state schools broke up. We never had trouble with regular holiday clubs. The private school holiday club was minimally staffed so I think they just used to ring a few parents to say “X doesn’t seem very happy today/doesn’t want to be here” You could guarantee that if you picked up at the same time as another parent that they had got the same call/had the same excuse made to them.

Floogal · 31/10/2023 11:13

We've had that quite a few times too. Even more suspicious as DS has ASD and like pp said, I think nursery wants an easier day. Thankfully, either me or DP has been at home (working patterns) to take him home. Also the assumption that SEN parents don't have to work (or have lots of money) probably gives them the idea.

Merrymcmerrison · 31/10/2023 11:22

Are there different staff on for Tues or someone he is attached to a keyworker whose day off it is?

Perhaps there is another child in that days who unsettles him?

Mariposista · 31/10/2023 11:47

Sorry but no. You are busy at work and should be focusing on the job in hand, unless there is an actual emergency.
I would be being very firm and saying you don't want to be called unless your child is very unwell and requires picking up.

Original poster

Pred1cament · 31/10/2023 11:51

Merrymcmerrison · 31/10/2023 11:22

Are there different staff on for Tues or someone he is attached to a keyworker whose day off it is?

Perhaps there is another child in that days who unsettles him?

Edited

Not that I’m aware of. There was another baby in the background who they said was new and crying quite a bit so it did sound generally chaotic, which could have unsettled him. I just called again and they said he’s fine now and playing. I think I’ll just ask the office to make a note about Tuesday mornings and only call me if they really need to. Thanks everyone for your replies.

OP posts:

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