Worrying about DDs safety in school?

[Bumblerina]

DH picked up DD from school this afternoon and said that he'd been pulled aside by the teacher and told that some of the Year 6 boys had told Year 1 DD to pull her pants down on the playground and she did. The teacher told DH that it's unacceptable and the boys are being dealt with but didn't explain any further. Obviously I'm horrified by this and I want to speak to school tomorrow but I'm not sure how to approach it.

We have of course spoken to DD about why she shouldn't pull her pants down and when it is appropriate etc. but these are conversations we have had before. My biggest concern is that DD is autistic and is overly trusting of older kids and adults. I have to be hypervigilant in public but now I'm worried about her safety in school too. Is this typical year 6 behaviour?! How can any 11 year old think that it's okay to do that?!

Jesus, I don't have any relevant experience as a parent but as a teacher myself, you absolutely need to go in and make sure those boys have been disciplined. I know kids will be kids but this is something I've never encountered as an educator to be honest. I'm irish so our school class names are different. am I right in thinking year 1 is kids around 5 years old? Your dd is practically a baby and vulnerable in comparison to these boys. Sorry this happened.

Just to add, it's good that the school picked up on it so don't be afraid to be vocal, they are well aware. I think the boys parents need to be told. This needs to be something that resonates with all students that its not acceptable. I think your dd is safe in school but like you said its when she is public or going forward as she gets older that this isn't something she thinks is normal or has to do.

And no I don't think it's normal for an 11 year old to tell a 5/6 year old to pull down her pants. At their age they are being informed about personal boundaries and respect. I know here in Ireland, sexual health education is taught in primary, obviously its tailored for their ages, but 11 year old are very aware of what is socially acceptable

This is horrifying. Your poor girl.

Bloody hell

I've never heard of that happening but then why would I if it hasn't involved my DC

But these things get around and I've never heard of it

I'm so upset and shocked for you absolutely your DD

I would insist as this is classed as actual sexual assault of a minor that she have a TA keep an eye on her constantly in the background to prevent this happening again

I would insist she has a vigilant adult present at all times so this can never ever happen again

You are well within your rights to contact the police because the won't do that even though they should

This is really serious actually

A year 6 child is very much old enough to know that their behaviour is completely unacceptable

Contact the police

Because this has come from somewhere

This is not a normal request, they need to dig deeper into what's going on with the ringleader of this group of boys

It could be that one or more of them needs safeguarding or have experienced something unpleasant in their past.

The school will deal with this internally which isn't enough

I would expect a minimum of a days suspension for the boys. That's utterly disgusting.
Our school uses nspcc programme for all year groups that teaches about boundaries, personal space, inappropriate touching in an age appreciate way
Also go through the pants rule with dd

I agree that the police should be informed. My dd saw some unpleasant behaviours amongst year 6 boys - lifting skirts, humping and even taking about sexual violence. At this age hormones are kicking in so those little shits knew what they were doing.

Also, the school need to review the sensibilities of allowing 11 year old to mix unsupervised with 5 year olds.

I had this exact scenario with DD when she was in year 2. I was brought in for a meeting and it was revealed that the child who asked her to do this was quite disturbed. His parents are heroin addicts and he is generally brought up my his grandmother.
It was one big class at the time, about to be split into two so I made sure that both kids would be placed in separate classes and they were, all the way through,
I had the displeasure of meeting that child's parents at the nearby shops one morning after doing the school run. The dad stole while the Mum distracted the shop owner by pulling her top right up over her head shouting "IVE GOT NOTHING, LOOK!"
Then they both ran out and jumped into a taxi.
I wonder what they'd put that kid through to be asking little girls to show what they've got under their knickers. And very glad that my daughter didn’t do what he said.

What you describe is extremely serious and the school need to crack down extremely hard. Your poor DD. And you must be feeling horrendous about it

By that age, those children knew what they were asking was totally wrong.

I agree with previous posters that the school will try to deal with this themselves when really police should be involved. Make sure it is reported properly.

I'd be contacting the police and proceeding with pressing chargers. Disciplinary inside the school is just not enough. You have to protect your child at all costs.

This is not typical of year 6 boys at all

Maybe younger boys up to about year 3 if they were very troublesome. Year 6 boys doing something like that and to a year 1 girl is very not normal behaviour. They are normally way to grown up and know how to behave towards people at that age. Plus she is so much younger than them Maybe some kind of a dare with a girl their own age I could believe could happen. However what you decide seems very not normal.

This is awful. Be very angry. Ask the school when and how they reported to the police. I don't think any reaction to this is an overreaction. Big handhold to you.

I think I’d agree about contacting the police. It will then be logged and it could be also helpful to the boys, to do that is often a red flag and police will pass onto social services safeguarding issues.

My ds' primary had a separate fenced-off area of the playground for R & Y1, in sight of the staff room, because the main area could be a bit boisterous, but there was nothing like that.

I know of one sexual incident between children in another primary school, where the perpetrator was a cared-for 11yo boy who was then supervised one-to-one outside of class for the remainder of the last term (about 4 weeks).

At 11 they knew full well what they were doing. I'd be absolutely livid and I'd be in the school tomorrow wanting confirmation that those boys had been suspended before I let my DD back in there.

Ring the nspcc who can advise.

I’d also ask the school which external agencies have been informed?

Year 6 boys are likely to be over the age of 10 which is the age they need to be to be deemed having legal consequence so the police would take this seriously. Quite frankly this may be the only incident the school knows about but I would also be asking for them to be suspended.

This!!

You need to raise this as a safeguarding concern; ask to speak to the Designated Safeguarding Lead as well as requesting a copy of the school's' safeguarding policy so that you understand what they should be doing.

If an incident like this were to occur at my place of work we'd be recording the incident as child on child abuse.

I'd be asking school to do work in PSHRE around the 'pants are private' message, using Pantosaurus (or similar) for your child's year and also work in Year 6 around respect, what is/is not acceptable behaviour. The link below takes you to the Pantosaurus book.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/globalassets/images/children-and-young-people/2021/nspccpantosaurus-and-the-power-of-pantss_fullpdf.pdf

It sounds like school are taking it seriously however you need to be asking them questions about how they are going to protect your child from now on. I'd email them after the meeting highlighting what you discussed/what actions are being taken etc and possibly asking for a follow-up meeting to ensure that things have been actioned.