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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel my son is left out by in laws (probally long)

14 replies

dirtylilminx · 10/03/2008 10:28

ok so heres how it goes....

I am engaged to dp who I have been with for nearly 3 years, we have a 6 month old dd also I have a ds from a previous relationship aged 4.7 years.

I love both of my children the same as any parent would and there is deffently no competition between them,
anyway dp's family all know about my ds, but what really bugs me is that a few weeks ago dp's uncle and aunt came to visit and decides to brig some gifts for my dd and my dp's nephew BUT NOT MY DS, ok so there not big expensive gifts, but I feel its not the point as I do not want my children being treted differently, I feel upset by this but havnt told DP, what makes me laugh is that for xmas my DS's nan ( my x MIL) even brought my DD a little something witch I thought was really sweet.

AIBU? Also should I tell DP or wait untill it happens again?

thanks

x

OP posts:
mrsruffallo · 10/03/2008 10:31

No,YANBU. I think it is very mean spirited of them.

No1ErmaBombeckfan · 10/03/2008 10:33

I hope they have the excuse of age to get away with that behaviour...!!

Original poster
dirtylilminx · 10/03/2008 10:33

thankyou for your view but should I have a word with DP? but I dont want him to feel like im ganging up on his family.

OP posts:
No1ErmaBombeckfan · 10/03/2008 10:35

It is not like your DP will be able to do anything to change their minds - but perhaps a word in your Dp's ear about how you feel about it leaving it up to him to decide how to handle his rude relatives...

BandofMothers · 10/03/2008 10:36

I am sure he would not want your dd to be treated differently by anyone should in the future the situation arise when he has a new gf (theoretically, you know) so I think you should def talk to him about it.

princessosyth · 10/03/2008 10:39

Have a word with your dp, it is very thoughtless of his family.

AbbeyA · 10/03/2008 10:42

I would sort it out now with DP. I am in a similar situation but all 3 families, first DH, second DH and mine treat all 3 DS the same-it is just one big extended family.

emmy1979 · 10/03/2008 10:57

Exactly the same thing happened with me. I have DS1 age 4 from previous relationship and ds1 age 4 months. At christmas my dp's brother and his wife 'forgot' to buy my ds1 a present but 'remembered' ds2 - who was a newborn, and didn't need a present! It was heart breaking to see them passing out their presents to the other 12 children and not to my ds1. I was furious (and hormonal with just having a baby and breastfeeding) so had a go at my partner immediately after the event. I definitely think you should talk to your dp about this as issues stemming from this can lead to more trouble. My dp didn't say anything to his family and now I'm uncomfortable when we are all with his family as I'm convinced that they pay much more attention to ds2. My dp says I am paranoid about the situation and maybe I am, but I can't talk to him about it now because it resulted in such a blow up last time. If you talk to your dp in a calm way and point out that any 4 year old would be fed up with not getting a present no matter who it's from he will hopefully take on board your feelings and have a word.

AbbeyA · 10/03/2008 12:36

I feel upset on behalf of your DS1,emmy1979-how could people treat a 4 year old like that? I think that you need to sort it out early on-choose a time when you are both relaxed.

TheHedgeWitch · 10/03/2008 12:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

CoteDAzur · 10/03/2008 12:41

I would let your in-laws know that you don't let one child have a treat or a present if others don't have one as well. So if they don't bring something for ALL kids next time, that NONE will have any.

AbbeyA · 10/03/2008 13:49

I agree with CoteDAzur-make it quite plain that you are not going to have your DCs treated unfairly. If they don't want to include your DS1 that is their choice, but therefore you cannot accept presents for their sister/brother.

alicet · 10/03/2008 14:27

YA def NBU - I would be horrified by this! Agree with CoteDAzur - if they don't get presents for both children neither will have them (unless for birthdays of course). And I would def have a word with your dh so he knows how you feel and will back you up on this if it happens again

PotPourri · 10/03/2008 14:29

YANBU. But you need DP to sort it out with them. It is cruel to leave out a 4 year old FGS! Get DP to make it clear that he would have rathered no presents or shared presents or presents for all. It needs to come from him though, or they will have room to say that you are just a fuss-pot

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