AIBU to say if you know someone is recently diagnosed bipolar…

[QuickQuestionAIBU]

You don’t shout at them “you’re a head case, no one else behaves like you”?

Brief backstory. Together 18 years, 2 small children under 7.

DH runs his own business and is away half the week, I have the kids and work 3 days a week when he’s here.

I have known for sometime that I struggle with my moods, have been diagnosed with depression since my teens but this has recently (within the past week) been changed to cylcothymia (a mild form of bipolar)

I try my hardest, but I have my limits. This past weekend DH wasn’t here and I had an awful time with the DCs, including a sleepover where the child who was over was frankly a nightmare from the word go. I held it together but today I’ve really struggled, I’ve had a migraine for 2 days and whilst out doing the shopping this afternoon DH refused to help me load the car with the shopping, instead sat in the car on his phone. Said nothing.

Got home and the same thing again, wouldn’t help me bring everything in so I said / semi shouted “will you please help?!”

He replies “you’re a head case, no one behaves like you”

Hes always been nasty but knowing I’ve been struggling with the diagnosis and I’ve had a really testing weekend, surely he knew saying that would really hurt me?

And it has. He’s taken the kids to our holiday home for 2 days and I’ve sat here sobbing for an hour feeling like a worthless scum bag. I’m so embarrassed.

It’s situations like this that plummet my mood and I become a huge risk to myself. He knows this, I’m sure he does.

No, that's not right at all, you likely had reason to be pissed off in the first place. If he had actually helped like most people would have done, it wouldn't have been an issue. He's just being lazy and instead of owning it hes thrown it back.

Alright for him to say that though, right?

He's not being understanding of your diagnosis. I don't know how it feels but I'm familiar with it and how it works. Things can heighten, especially in stressful situations everyone in our family knows this, one of those things, shit happens, we don't take it personally or use it against them.

I don't think you've done anything wrong myself, don't beat yourself up over it.

I know it's hard but don't let yourself dip down, try to keep your head up. Can't change anything right now but you can in the meantime do something you want to do for yourself to make you feel better. You may not want to but try something for yourself.

You’re incredibly kind for taking the time to write that, I’ve gone over it a few times and it has calmed me greatly, thank you ♥️

I was on edge during shopping, rushing a bit but I didn’t say anything out of turn, in fact I don’t think I said much because he went off on his own so I had the kids with me trying to do a weekly shop for four people.

Im just burnt out and miserable. But I’m doing exactly as you suggested, I will cook myself something proper for dinner rather than a bit of toast and I’ll have a long bath and an early night. Thanks again, I really appreciate you.

No problem at all, glad it helped. Sounds like a good plan, take this time to take care of yourself and you'll feel better. Don't let others bring you down.

Is he usually an arsehole? I wouldn't treat a colleague I barely knew like this, let alone the person I was supposed to love and be raising children with.

It is definitely him, not you. And if he's often like this, have a think about whether this relationship is bringing any benefits to you, because he's not coming across well.

Your H is an abusive arsehole.

That's an AWFUL thing to say. You deserve much, much better than that. I believe I also have cyclothymia (was diagnosed with bipolar II a few years ago in a bad patch but most of the time it's too mild for that). It can be really, really hard to cope with the everyday stresses of life. Are you getting support for the cyclothymia? And frankly, it doesn't matter what's going on - you just don't talk to another human being like that, and why on earth wouldn't he have helped you? This is a big red flag. Are there others? (Sorry about the lack of paragraphs - Mumsnet's refusing to put them in again)

have they started you on any meds?
your DP is not helping
when i was diagnosed it was a pure relief and made total sense,how are you feeling?

Hi there. I have bipolar 1 and although I have been on medication for years which has kept it under control, stress is still a trigger for me. Imo your husband is being an arse, he should be helping you manage your mental health, not putting you in situations where he knows you will struggle. Unfortunately some people do have negative attitudes regarding mental health issues, I am so sorry that you are in this situation, and have no support. You are not worthless, you are incredibly strong to be dealing with this and bringing up your children with very little help.

Pace yourself, accept that sometimes things will test you and be gentle with yourself. I brought up my daughter on my own, and although there were many times I thought I couldn't go on (and like you felt completely worthless), I did and I am proud of that.

That would be a horrible and callous thing to say to anyone, let alone someone who's going through what you are.

It's concerning that you say he's always been nasty. It sounds like he's emotionally abuse. Your partner shouldn't be making you feel worthless. He should be supporting you right now.

That’s a horrible thing to say and any normal person would’ve helped with the shopping even without the other person struggling with a migraine.

He sounds like a lazy hurtful dick, even my teenagers manage to wrench themselves from their phone when I ask them to get involved. I take it he has a serious issue with his phone.

Have you tried aripiprasole? It great for focus and keeping you on an even keel.

Your dh is an arse

No, I would not, because I’m not a vile, horrible person. He sounds like he actually dislikes you. Perhaps he should make the working away a permanent thing. I know it would be hard for you to have the kids on your own, but it doesn’t sound like he makes things any easier.

I agree with @mathanxiety .

Your diagnosis: cyclothymia bipolar.

His diagnosis : abusive see you next tuesday who belongs in a See You Nex t Tuesday farm.

I have bipolar and CPTSD
It was triggered by the death of my child and I was very unwell.
DH shut down emotionally when she died and was not communicative, we all deal with heartache differently. I was dreadful to him but in all that he never ever resorted to insults and I did treat him appallingly.

Top tips are
Avoid stress, easier said than done, this also includes good stress. Turn down invites if you think you won’t manage it.

Get plenty of sleep.

Avoid alcohol completely, not even a glass.

Get out amongst greenery and nature as much as you can.

Eat healthily, oily fish and lots of veg.

I was very unwell and have been hospitalised, I went in to a depression phase that lasted months, I couldn’t even speak and was dangerously underweight. I then went in to a very dangerous manic phase. Years of therapy later, knowing my triggers and also having a quiet life means it’s very well managed.

Good luck, acceptance and acknowledgment is half the battle.