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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To upgrade the kids too?

71 replies

Jessforless · 30/10/2023 15:22

Long story short, I suffer from terrible claustrophobia and last week had a panic attack on a plane and the very lovely cabin crew put me in the jump seat for most of the remaining flight. This has led to me saying I’m done, I don’t see myself flying again. (I am having therapy for this.)

We have a holiday long haul booked for next year and I’m already panicking about it. Obviously I might be ‘better’ by then, I hope so. Other than that my DH said he would upgrade me to business with points and I’ll have more room and no one reclining in my face. (This and the combined trolley beside me caused the panic attack)

This is so lovely and I do appreciate it but I wouldn’t want to fly by myself, and thought actually, what a lovely treat for the kids, maybe as a one off, let’s go halves and all upgrade. (2 DC, and they have always wanted to do it.)

DH is saying no, they don’t need it, it’s a waste of money (points wouldn’t cover it all, would need about 2/3k more I think for all.)

AIBU - I should just fly by myself… (if we do it)

YANBU - yes it’s a one off and will be a great treat and memory for them.

OP posts:
InTheRainOnATrain · 30/10/2023 16:38

No need for the kids to go business, you wouldn’t be treating yourself just for the sake of it because it’s a necessary measure to allow you to fly because of your claustrophobia.

Kids are allowed in bulkheads though. It’s where the baby bassinets go! I think PP are saying they’re not are confusing are them with exit rows- where the emergency doors are. Kids aren’t allowed in those seats. Premium economy in the bulkhead you get so much space you should be able to fully stretch your legs out without your feet touching the wall, and it’s usually behind business class so no one will be walking forward except crew. Could be a great compromise to allow you all to sit together?

PeppermintMandy · 30/10/2023 16:39

Get the seat for yourself and give the kids a shot each at using it? 10 & 13 should be ok on their for an hour each as a treat? & you’ll know of you start to panic and need your big fancy seat back you can at any point? Honestly sometimes just knowing you have another option is all you need!

OP defo get that therapy. I’ve had therapy for a flying phobia and it’s life changing.

BertieBotts · 30/10/2023 16:41

Yes, I thought the bulkhead is where the sky cot is for little babies - so I thought they were too, or can you only use that when you don't have any older children?

(I have never flown long haul, so never used them!)

Deathbyfluffy · 30/10/2023 16:44

You can do so much more with 3 grand than book seats on a plane!
Do it for yourself to get you through it, but I can see why he's saying no.

PrincessHoneysuckle · 30/10/2023 16:48

What's a jump seat?

Original poster
Jessforless · 30/10/2023 16:51

The fold down seat near the kitchen where the cabin crew sits for takeoff and landing. Lots of space around it.

OP posts:
InTheRainOnATrain · 30/10/2023 16:52

BertieBotts · 30/10/2023 16:41

Yes, I thought the bulkhead is where the sky cot is for little babies - so I thought they were too, or can you only use that when you don't have any older children?

(I have never flown long haul, so never used them!)

Some airlines block the bulkheads so only customers with a lap infant in their party or with a disability can book them but not all do, and OP’s claustrophobia might meet the criteria (she could call them to ask). Others let anyone book them. I recently flew premium economy with American and was able to choose the bulkhead from the seat map just like any other seat.

bakedbrain · 30/10/2023 16:55

I used to regularly fly business and stay in hotel top floors as a child/teen. They're nice but ordinary memories compared to lots of other fun memories. Would appreciate it way more as an adult. Save your DH's hard-earned money, unless you're planning to pay for it all by yourself then that's fine.

Wheredidyougonow · 30/10/2023 16:56

Nothanksthanksanyway · 30/10/2023 15:37

You are being offered an upgrade and some peace? Why ON EARTH would you want your kids to join you?

OP you are mental. Thank your DP very much and leave him and the kids to it!!!

This!! Dh upgraded my flight recently with my younger one and he sat in premium with our ds 7. I didn't even feel a jot bad. We were all going to the same place and ds was happy watching movies.

gotomomo · 30/10/2023 16:57

Speak to your gp, they can give you something to help with panicking

bakedbrain · 30/10/2023 16:57

Also, business is only worth it on certain airlines (Singapore, Cathay, Emirates, Qatar, Ana etc). It's genuinely rubbish on most other airlines.

InTheRainOnATrain · 30/10/2023 16:58

Get the seat for yourself and give the kids a shot each at using it? 10 & 13 should be ok on their for an hour each as a treat?
Airline might not allow that- I’ve been told before when DH and I have been in separate classes that they didn’t mind who took which seat but we had to decide at boarding and stay put as swapping mid flight wasn’t allowed. Also they’d be without parental supervision which is also probably a no as they’re not classed as old enough to fly on their own.

Original poster
Jessforless · 30/10/2023 17:00

We’re booked with BA, don’t know what that’s like..

And I wasn’t going to make DH pay the whole thing, he has quite a lot of points from work trips and the remainder I proposed we split. Think it would be 2.5 / 3k but seems to go up and down. It is a lot of money though, I totally accept that.

I will speak to the GP. I have to fly (within the UK) for work this December and if I can’t change it to a train there’s no way I can do it, so a good shout.

OP posts:
bakedbrain · 30/10/2023 17:01

@InTheRainOnATrain without parental supervision is fine (technically the kids should be carrying a letter but no one ever checked for me and my siblings), but swapping is usually not allowed at all

LakieLady · 30/10/2023 17:02

Nothanksthanksanyway · 30/10/2023 15:38

Also to add, I first flew business class aged 6. It’s ruined me for life!!! Since then I’ve flown a mixture, but economy really feels even worse when you’ve experienced the other options!!

I got an upgrade to business class on a flight back from NY, and I feel exactly the same. It is so civilised!

bakedbrain · 30/10/2023 17:05

BA business is really mediocre. Economy on BA (and most Western airlines, especially American airlines which are unspeakably disgusting) is bad enough, so. I'm not a snob at all and I think it's more about the company (as in, your friends and family, not the plane company!) but I would really only bother upgrading on the above mentioned good airlines (Singapore, Cathay, etc - and as an edit with reference to post below, also have nice food). Otherwise, business class is worth it for privacy and peace of mind for you, but not really worth it for your kids imo.

Zanatdy · 30/10/2023 17:06

Yeah I wouldn’t pay for the kids. My kids got their first business flight age 15 & 18 last year but their dad’s work paid for it. DD got her second one when flying to Asia on her own as her dad’s colleague knew the captain and told him she was on board alone at 15 so he upgraded her to an empty business seat. More comfortable for her but it was wasted on her as she didn’t eat a thing! Not a fan of airline food

Zanatdy · 30/10/2023 17:07

Yeah don’t spend that kind of money upgrading on BA, it’s not that great and not worth that kind of money. Just enjoy the peace and quiet

PinkRoses1245 · 30/10/2023 17:07

Nah, save your money and just you go in business. Not worth it, and I'm not even sure kids are allowed? it's a flight surely you'll all be asleep or watching films throughout.

Everanewbie · 30/10/2023 17:08

Wow, what a great DP you have! If you ever get fed up of him, send him my way!!

Upgrading you, and leaving you in peace while he slums it in economy with the kids, so you can fly with space and with peace and quiet to manage your phobia, not only with zero complaints, FOMO or expressing how unfair it is? That's one heck of a guy. A guy going to business while mum sat with the kids in economy would get destroyed on here, phobia or no phobia.

Thousands of pounds for all the expensive champagne and wine, and fancy food that they won't be able to eat? The kids will ask if there is any chicken nuggets and pepsi FGS!! If you have £££ coming out of your ears, go for it, but its wasted on kids. Actually, on second thoughts, if you have the cash to upgrade a 10 yo to business, well, send them to economy to teach them humility and donate the difference to a decent charity!!!

Maddy70 · 30/10/2023 17:09

My husband used to have crippling anxiety to fly. The doctor gives him valium to fly now. No bother. He also go's a paul mackenna self hypnosis podcast. Found it really helped him

Jk987 · 30/10/2023 17:09

No way. Just take home up on the offer and go business class by yourself. Think of the nice food, the sleep and the peace without the children!

Children are lucky to be going on a long haul, they most definitely don't need business class. Spend the extra on a nice restaurant or day trip when you're there.

Jk987 · 30/10/2023 17:11

Jessforless · 30/10/2023 15:45

DH 100% wouldn’t mind having them alone, neither would I. Before this became such an issue for me I flew with them alone several times when they were younger, and they’re easy ages now. I just thought we probably would never do this again and it would be exciting for them to do it. (I take the point about ruining economy for them forever though 😂)

It would be exciting for them yes, but not £3k worth of excitement!

InTheRainOnATrain · 30/10/2023 17:11

BA business is massively variable. No it’s not the service of the Eastern airlines but the new style Club Suites have loads of privacy- direct aisle access, closing doors, lots of space. The old style herringbone seats are awful, quite cramped and the window has to climb over the feet of the person in the aisle to escape. You can use seat guru to check the full seat map and if it’s forward-backwards in Club then it’s old style. Still better than economy though!

junbean · 30/10/2023 17:12

Yes, especially if it would make you feel better! Also, I wanted to add that I have a long history with anxiety and panic attacks, and I think it would help you to start practicing mindfulness techniques now so when in the moment if it happens again you'll be able to slide right into it like second nature. They really work!