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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Red Flag Behaviour?

20 replies

Frannyhy · 30/10/2023 09:39

Scenario: you’ve just started talking to someone on a dating app. After a while they mention that they’ve had a bad week because an appliance in their home had broken, and been expensive to fix. They go on to say that things can only get better.

Would you think mentioning broken appliances and money is red flag behaviour?

OP posts:
Notimeforaname · 30/10/2023 09:40

No. They're just telling you what's going on.

jc12689 · 30/10/2023 09:42

Are you for real?

TheShellBeach · 30/10/2023 09:42

It would only be a red flag if they asked you for the money to get it mended.
Otherwise, it's just conversation.
Why do you think it's a red flag?

MiddleagedBeachbum · 30/10/2023 09:43

No, not a red flag.

I would be a bit bored if that’s what they were messaging and the negativity would put me off.

For instance even if I’d had a shit day I wouldn’t share it with online dating, so I’d say it shows a lack of awareness / boundaries?

AhBiscuits · 30/10/2023 09:43

Probably just making conversation. But, as always with OLD, keep your wits about you.

DixonD · 30/10/2023 09:44

It’s normal conversation.

I hope you’re not being serious - if you are, I’d love to hear your thinking.

GoldDuster · 30/10/2023 09:47

Can you say more about what you think a red flag is?

Original poster
Frannyhy · 30/10/2023 09:55

I’ll come clean. It was me who made the comment about an appliance in my home being broken which was expensive to fix.

To be told that mentioning broken appliances and money was a red flag to him.

I was hungover from a night out, tired, and just making conversation. I pressed the block button.

OP posts:
PrintedButterflies · 30/10/2023 09:56

Probably thought you wanted money.

determinedtomakethiswork · 30/10/2023 09:56

Maybe he has had a bad experience of people asking him for money on dating sites.

MidnightOnceMore · 30/10/2023 09:58

What a prat. At least you know now.

WhateverMate · 30/10/2023 09:58

Frannyhy · 30/10/2023 09:55

I’ll come clean. It was me who made the comment about an appliance in my home being broken which was expensive to fix.

To be told that mentioning broken appliances and money was a red flag to him.

I was hungover from a night out, tired, and just making conversation. I pressed the block button.

Sounds like he's probably been stung before.

Not your problem though, as you were just making conversation.

CallieQ · 30/10/2023 09:58
Confused
Original poster
Frannyhy · 30/10/2023 09:59

I think that’s it too. I know what goes on, I’ve had a couple of men friends who were caught out.

It’s a of a shame, I was quite interested.

OP posts:
flaxentoad · 30/10/2023 09:59

Frannyhy · 30/10/2023 09:55

I’ll come clean. It was me who made the comment about an appliance in my home being broken which was expensive to fix.

To be told that mentioning broken appliances and money was a red flag to him.

I was hungover from a night out, tired, and just making conversation. I pressed the block button.

I don't think it's a red flag.

Seems like an overreaction on his part. However, maybe he has had some bad experience you don't know about. Perhaps he's made a rule for himself that if money comes up early on, he's out.

Still, it's unfair to be practically accused of gold digging when you've done nothing of the sort.

He's just not the man for you, if you can't tell him what's happening in your life.

I'd just chalk this up to experience and move on.

jc12689 · 30/10/2023 10:01

Frannyhy · 30/10/2023 09:55

I’ll come clean. It was me who made the comment about an appliance in my home being broken which was expensive to fix.

To be told that mentioning broken appliances and money was a red flag to him.

I was hungover from a night out, tired, and just making conversation. I pressed the block button.

Why not just say that to begin with ffs.

Bobbotgegrinch · 30/10/2023 10:15

You're being deeply unreasonable for making a reverse post.

For the actual issue, I don't think anyones at fault. You were just making conversation, whereas it's quite common for men to be strung along by fake profiles trying to get money off them. He may have been caught out before and have strong boundaries around it.

ManateeFair · 30/10/2023 10:15

Frannyhy · 30/10/2023 09:55

I’ll come clean. It was me who made the comment about an appliance in my home being broken which was expensive to fix.

To be told that mentioning broken appliances and money was a red flag to him.

I was hungover from a night out, tired, and just making conversation. I pressed the block button.

He's an arsehole. If someone constantly dropped hints about things they wanted or needing money, spinning sob stories, then perhaps that might be a warning sign. But just mentioning that your washing machine died on you and that you could really do without the hassle this week? That's just the normal stuff of life that people naturally talk about.

I suspect he just doesn't like women very much, to be honest. He assumes that all women are gold-diggers, and there's probably an element of him just wanting to hear about fun flirty stuff rather than your actual life. I bet he claims all his exes were money-grabbing psychos as well and that he 'hates women who are all about the drama' as well. You're well rid of him.

Sofaz34 · 30/10/2023 10:30

No obviously not, its small talk. You ate really going to struggle to find someone if you are that picky. If anything it's a green flag that they do their own cooking/cleaning and are clever enough to get it fixed when broken.

Purplecatshopaholic · 30/10/2023 10:53

Over reaction on his part - hes been stung before I’d guess. You are better off out of it, he has issues!

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