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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Anyone else's DH like this?

23 replies

rubes97 · 30/10/2023 07:45

DH has been complaining of feeling constipated, bloated and sick in the early hours I'm not saying he isn't ill but I think he's being a bit dramatic. Once again he has stayed in bed, not bothered to get up and help sort DS who has been up since 5.30. I also did the same yesterday morning and subsequently looked after DS all day whilst DH was out doing his hobby and didn't get home until teatime. I feel exhausted to be honest. I have work in an hour or so and MIL is due to help with childcare for half term but I don't think it's fair for her to do that whilst he stays in bed with something that is mild.

A few weeks ago I was the illest I've ever been with a chest infection and nobody helped me at all. I still got up every morning and battled through to do the school run and pick up. Life goes on when I'm poorly but the world seems to stop for him.

AIBU or should he just try to get on with it?

OP posts:

Original poster

rubes97 · 30/10/2023 08:02

😒

OP posts:

CountryStore · 30/10/2023 08:04

He needs to get up and move about to help his bowels to move. Probably constipated due to lying about in bed while you do everything!

Original poster

rubes97 · 30/10/2023 08:07

@CountryStore Yeah he literally does nothing to help himself. He will just sit there until things get worse and complain which irritates me.

OP posts:

Legoblockskillfeet · 30/10/2023 08:12

Oh I can't cope with pathetic man illness. Why do so many of them think that they can just check out of family life because they are slightly off it?
He needs to get up, move around, drink some coffee and some orange juice and crack on.
It it's so bad, he needs to go to the chemist.
I have zero sympathy for anyone who is not moaning about being ill unless they are doing everything possible to feel better.

Original poster

rubes97 · 30/10/2023 08:14

Just crazy he's acting like this over constipation, I was so ill a few weeks back like I said and I got no help whatsoever! I was expected to get on with it, but I suppose that's because I'm a mum and it's totally different for us.

OP posts:

Planesplanesplanes · 30/10/2023 08:18

Constipation can be really bad and if not treated properly very serious. So he needs to get up off his arse and do something about. And unless there is back story where he has just had major surgery or and injury which requires some major painkiller or he has IBD then server constipation doesn’t just come out of no where.

He needs to grow up, take responsibility for his heath and pull his weight at home.

Stop that I’m a Mum so it’s different. It isn’t there is nothing about a penis which means he isn’t as capable of getting a child up and feed unless they’re EBF which case he can’t do the feeding bit of it.

Ollifer · 30/10/2023 08:19

I get terrible constipation but can't lie in bed all day with a child and work so I use a laxative if it's really bad then get on with my day. He needs to get a grip tbh

Wolfen · 30/10/2023 08:20

rubes97 · 30/10/2023 08:14

Have you told him this?

HelpMeGetThrough · 30/10/2023 08:22

I get bunged up all the time, due to painkillers I have to take.

Yep, I get a proper guts ache and feel sick, but it's a get up, get on and take whatever gets the bowels moving.

Flat on his back all day will make it worse, he needs to get up off his arse and get on with life.

Original poster

rubes97 · 30/10/2023 08:25

We just had a massive row because I told him he needs to get up and he didn't agree. I'm absolutely fuming.

OP posts:

Pinkpinkpink15 · 30/10/2023 08:31

Don't diminish how awful & serious constipation can be & taking laxatives isn't the solution if this doesn't have an easily explainable cause.

my cousin was fobbed off by her GP for a couple of years. She almost died due to cancer in her lower bowel. As it was she had to have several lots of surgery, & a stoma etc it took a good couple of years to recover (& she was lucky she didn't die)

However, your DH needs to get out of bed & preferably go for a walk & if not right in a couple of days or if it's reoccurring get himself to the GP.

it's up to his mum, but she's probably happy to look after DS & encourage her son to go out for a walk & eat some healthy food!!

on days you're at home insist he moves about & eats proper food. & sees his GP if it doesn't clear up soon or reoccurs.

Too much laxative can just liquify poo and send it around a blockage. It's not the answer in blockages.

HerMammy · 30/10/2023 08:36

Odd he managed to overcome his pain to do his hobby then back to lolling in bed. Lazy get!

Codlingmoths · 30/10/2023 08:41

This is a golden opportunity where you tell him marriage is a two way relationship between two people, not one way. Last week he told you that in your marriage when someone is sick that they get no support, not even to look anfter your child, that they just have to dig deep and keep parenting. So you are going out as it must be his turn now. If when you come back he wants to talk about the ways in which he’d like your marriage to work for both of you then you are open to discussion, but without that you assume that whenever he is ill you fuck off and leave him to parent, cook and clean the house.

Sexlivesofthepotatomen · 30/10/2023 08:41

He's not that ill if he managed to go and do his hobby all day

arethereanyleftatall · 30/10/2023 08:42

What was his hobby? If he was in as much pain as sone of the posters above are describing, how was he able to do his hobby all day?

No, op, I wouldn't have a dh like that. I'd rather be single.

Original poster

rubes97 · 30/10/2023 08:43

He didn't feel ill yesterday, just during the night he said he felt sick and constipated. I told him he has to get up as the world continues when you're ill despite what he thinks, I just got told to fuck off 🤷🏻‍♀️ pathetic.

OP posts:

fearfuloffluff · 30/10/2023 08:48

Fine to be up and about one day but then so ill the following night that he can't get up? That's not constipation, it's needing a poo!

I have all sympathy for digestive complaints, they can be horrible but lying in bed won't help it. Is it a regular problem? Has he adapted his diet, exercise etc?

You're part of the problem though tbh, when you were sick why did you soldier on instead of telling him that you were too ill and he'd need to step up for a day or two?

Really I think you need to consider the underlying relationship and whether you feel equally committed and engaged, it sounds like a dynamic where you're responsible for everything and he reluctantly pitches in now and then but gets out of it when he can.

You need to find a way to be grown up and both get some free time and build trust that you're both pulling your weight and working as a team.

Ibravedaflood · 30/10/2023 08:50

Throw a tin of prunes at him. He either gets to a pharmacy and buy some meds or man the fuck up. The fucking Woe Is Me would drive me to divorce..

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 30/10/2023 09:06

He's completely U to expect you to run around after him when he did nothing to help you when you were ill.

I'd be handing out the same treatment he gave you. He doesn't sounds very nice.

TheSpikySpinosaurus · 30/10/2023 09:11

I just got told to fuck off 🤷🏻‍♀️ pathetic.

I'd finish with him for that. He's a disrespectful lazy idiot.

Ollifer · 30/10/2023 11:48

As a parent you don't get the option to roll around in bed just because you feel a bit crap. Single parents don't get that choice, and you said when you were last ill you still had to crack on and do everything. If you have to, so should he.

Lemonvalley · 29/11/2023 13:16

women enduring these selfish, piggish, big overgrown babies makes me angry. It’s just pathetic. That aside, can we as mums just laugh at imagining a world where WE could sit things out because we were CONSTIPATED? I’m nearly laughing just thinking about it. Next time you’re unwell tell him you aren’t doing the school runs or anything else, and don’t. Look after yourself, if he won’t. Sorry for you.

Lemonvalley · 29/11/2023 13:20

And yeah, being told to f**k off- how is respect possible in this relationship? It isn’t. You deserve better OP, and I hope you get it.

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