I see my family every couples of weeks in various combinations of parents/siblings/extended family (BILs, SIL etc), with some text communication inbetween. They are good, decent people. Very kind and we're all very pleasant to one another etc. Rarely any major fallings out. I know I'm very lucky to have them.
But I absolutely despise the person these family meet-ups seem to turn me into.
My parents especially are quite anxious people and get very invested. I can't ever have a light-hearted moan or mention any kind of mundane life-challenge that I might be encountering without them wringing their hands, trying to get involved, taking over etc... I then have to spend a ridiculous amount of time reassuring them that everything is fine and calming them down. If I try to avoid this by not mentioning anything personal going on in my life or only talking about positive things, I am accused of blocking them out.
I am the youngest in my family with four siblings and whenever we have large get togethers we quickly assume our traditional roles of oldest and youngest child etc. My opinion is rarely taken seriously as they still see me as the baby of the family who doesn't know anything, despite me having a very responsible job which requires a lot of training and qualifications. I am not trusted with anything important and no one listens to any advice or input I might try to offer if they ask for help. On the other hand I am constantly being told what I should and shouldn't do, regardless of whether I ask for advice. I'm also expected to do all the running around because everyone else has at least one child each, and so I do all the travelling to visit them even though I work long hours commuting into London and have my own stuff going on. No one ever visits me.
Family meet-ups are chaotic and noisy and I find them quite overwhelming. You literally have to shout to be heard and I inevitably leave feeling absolutely shit about myself - overstimulated, exhausted, socially anxious and guilty because I worry I've said something clumsy or stupid by mistake and offended someone, because I've allowed myself to get carried away with the raucousness of the event. It's hard to explain but because everyone is so loud you end up having to amplify your personality in order to get a word in, which makes me feel obnoxious. Sitting calmly isn't really an option unless you want endless concerned looks and "what's wrong?''s.
Because I'm still treated like a child, I struggle to have confidence in my own autonomy as an adult. I often feel like I "can't" do something because it will upset someone or I don't have permission. I don't trust my own decisions. There are things I would love to do as an adult such as move to another part of the country that I'm afraid to do because I worry it will upset my family.
It's all becoming a bit much and I feel like I need a circuit-breaker of some kind. I need to find some way to step outside these behavioural patterns and get some distance so I can think clearly and learn what I need to do to start showing up as the grown woman I am, not the child my family sees me as.
Not sure what my AIBU is, but I suppose I'm just wondering if anyone out there knows how I feel and might show some solidarity. I love my family and I don't want to lose them, but I worry the family dynamics are stopping me from fully evolving and maturing.