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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Sahm sick and no help from 'partner'

14 replies

shas19 · 30/10/2023 00:08

I've been really unwell since Thursday with what I thought was a stomach bug but turns out I've had an ectopic pregnancy which was discovered today which was a shock as im on the implant. From Thursday my partner hasn't even so much as offered me a slice of toast or glass of water. He's been getting up for work the last week at 5am so I understand is tired but I am honestly so unwell atm. We have 3 children 8,5 and 1 so I've really been struggling at home and just need some help when he gets back but when he gets home he's straight to the gym as thats the only 'free time he gets'. Friday night 1 year old was unwell and wouldn't settle, he started moaning because 'he's had no time to relax' all while I was with her and being sick at the same time he went downstairs to sleep. Over the weekend same routine of gym then came home made himself steak and eggs and not so much as a would you like anything?? Today I went to the hospital and was given medication to help rid the pregnancy. Not 1 text other than of I could order him some food. I've just come in and the house is a tip and he didn't even ask how did it go or you okay? I'm so angry but I don't have the energy. I know all I will get off him is how he goes to work is tired ect

OP posts:

HikingforScenery · 30/10/2023 00:11

I’m so sorry for your loss . You deserve better from your partner 💐💐

KnowledgeableMomma · 30/10/2023 02:24

I'm so sorry, OP, for all you are going through. They are definitely not pulling their weight as a partner. I think it's time for a serious sit down with partner and lay it all out.....what you need and expect from them. And take some time to think about what you want to do if they don't agree and are going to continue to be a complete and utter arsehole.

DustyLee123 · 30/10/2023 07:31

I’m sorry. You need to think about how you want to be treated moving forward

Planesplanesplanes · 30/10/2023 07:33

Well he is an absolute dick. He isn’t getting what you need so you need to tell
him.

Tomatoketchupred · 30/10/2023 07:34

Don’t live like that. I had 4 kids with a man just like it, didn’t give a crap if I was poorly or the kids, just wanted to do his own thing. Thankfully now with a man that is nothing like that! There is better out there trust me

Thequeenofwishfulthinking · 30/10/2023 07:37

If your unwell he needs to miss the gym and come straight home.
Im sure if he was going through the same he would miss work and rest.
He should have taken over at home once he finished work so you could rest. Selfish man.

Theeyeballsinthesky · 30/10/2023 07:40

Bloody hell OP that’s absolutely awful! First of all step up the contraception so there’s no chance of having any more children with this Prince among men and then have a serious think as to whether this is how you want your life to be

tiggergoesbounce · 30/10/2023 07:41

He is not a caring man and is not showing you love or respect.
If i saw anyone ill i would offer them a drink and a piece of toast, let alone the person i love and who had my kids.

Skyisbluegrassisgreen · 30/10/2023 07:42

Does he want a wife or a live in housekeeper/maid? Do you want to be a wife or an unpaid servant??

Isthisexpected · 30/10/2023 07:46

I'm sorry OP what a horrible time you're having.

This man is the lowest of the low. If your daughter was with a man like this how would you feel?

MrsMiagi · 30/10/2023 07:50

Firstly i am sorry for your loss.

You have 3 children with this man and are still sleeping together so I assume he hasn't always been like this?
Has anything changed to make him be so uncaring towards you?
He needs a good talking to once you have the strength. Is a future with him good for you or your children?

I hope you recover quickly and things change for the better

WhatNoRaisins · 30/10/2023 07:51

I know it doesn't change anything but you deserve better. He should have taken a day off work if necessary, no job should be that important.

Tagli · 30/10/2023 07:51

I am so sorry that you have gone through this effectively alone.

You are an inconvenience, a broken appliance, when you work it is brilliant but when you don't he shows his displeasure by just abandoning you. This is no way to be in a relationship.

So I suppose you need to think about what you want to say when you address this issue. If he was a friend of Dh's and coming into work Dh would tear him a new one.

Well millions of other people also go to work and are tired, what makes him think this absolves him of any resposnsibility to his children, his partner, the house? Is his entire contribution just money then?

I should have said I too am a sahm but once Dh is through the door then we are a team.

Vinrouge4 · 30/10/2023 08:00

He is very selfish. He seems to have forgotten that he was there when the ectopic pregnancy was conceived. Can you imagine if it was the other way around. If this was me sex would be off the table for a long time with a pig like this.

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