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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think my dad dislikes me and to stop making an effort?

6 replies

1997lucy · 29/10/2023 23:56

Not sure why I’m posting but just feel a bit deflated so wanted to get some advice. I’m in my mid twenties, I have a 4 year old and I am a single parent. I moved out two years ago so don’t see them all the time but I still see then fairly regularly, mostly if my mum invites us round. I’ve really started to feel like my dad dislikes me. I don’t feel as though I’ve done anything particularly wrong but I just don’t think he’s proud of me at all and I feel like he’s fed up with me and doesn’t like me. I’m not working at the moment but actively looking for work and have had a couple of interviews recently. He always makes snarky digs at me about that. About ‘how much time on my hands’ he thinks I have. Also he thinks I’m not trying hard enough to work.

He’s always finding something to say to me that puts me down and make a comment on. Nothing is good enough. He still treats me like a child tbh. Whenever I try and make conversation I can see him shutting off and not even listening to me. Sometimes he just mumbles back and I can tell he didn’t even acknowledge what I was saying.

I’m a little over weight and he makes comments about my mum who is a lot smaller than me saying she’s put ‘timber’ on. Which just makes me feel uncomfortable too because I’m bigger than her and I don’t know why he feels it’s necessary to make them comments. He’s always making nasty comments about bigger people as well and fat shaming.

I have anxiety so sometimes I worry about things that may not bother others. He calls me a ‘weird freak’ occasionally when I panic about something. Absolutely no support from him at all for anything.

Ive just started feeling like a burden in his presence. He’s negative, goes around tutting at everything. Just feel deflated by it all

OP posts:
Screamingabdabz · 30/10/2023 00:04

What does your mother say about it? Has this only started recently or has he always been like this?

Holymolyfandoly · 30/10/2023 01:32

I'll be honest here and say, he just doesn't sound like a nice person. He should be proud of you, raising a child on your own is a tough job all by itself.

Do you have a good relationship with your mother? If you do, could you just see her, either at your place or in a coffee shop or something? If you don't, and if she doesn't stand up for you when he's nasty to you/ about you, then I'd be reducing the amount of time you spend with your parents. Your DC shouldn't see you or indeed your mum being disrespected.

Unfortunately as I'm well aware, some parents are a bit shitty 💐💐💐

Catsmere · 30/10/2023 01:40

I wouldn't waste time on him, he sounds like a thoroughly unpleasant and sexist man. Can you meet your mum elsewhere, without him?

Lizzieregina · 30/10/2023 01:51

Yes just find a way to visit your mum away from him. No one needs that negativity in their life!

Exception would be if this is new behaviour and could be a medical issue. But if you’re only 24 he’s not likely to be that old.

TypingoftheDead · 04/05/2024 11:29

I’d just meet your mum on your own if possible. I don’t think your dad’s comments about how you live should be taken to heart, he sounds very judgmental and you’re entitled to make your own decisions etc.

Catsmere · 04/05/2024 11:31

@TypingoftheDead it's six months since the last reply, unlikely OP will be back.

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