Alcohol and Babies

[TurnipPeelOrange]

Help! my family are big drinkers - I used to be too until I had my DD.

At family parties my sister will often drink and her two children are passed around. We all share looking after them. It’s the same with my cousins kids.

I am now a mum. I used to drink at every party, every weekend and a glass of wine would find its self in my hands most nights! However, I won’t drink around my baby. She’s the most precious thing in the world to me and I wouldn’t want to slip or hurt her in anyway.

I know at the party it’ll be expected that me and my partner will be drinking. Neither of us want to drink around our baby. I also know it’ll be expected she’s passed around and held by others who are drinking. We really don’t want this. How do I deal with this without causing family upset?

Expected by whom? You're not a child and nobody can tell you what to drink or not to drink - just ask for/pour yourself whatever you want whether it's Diet Coke or fizzy water or whatever.

Do you think there's a chance somebody there might try to add alcohol to your drinks without you knowing?

Firstly you don't actually have to go
Secondly you don't have to drink x

You have changed because of parenthood and wanting to put your baby first (certainly more important than alcohol) and you’ll realise she’s also more important to you than offending family members, or anyone else.

Everyone has an opinion when you have a child, my family had opinions on feeding, sleeping, nappy brands, and seemed to take it personally when I didn’t do the same as them. I just ignored them and did what I thought was best, they will have a big less to say as time goes on and you stick to your guns.

@SocksAndTheCity no I’m more concerned that people who are drinking will expect to hold my DD. As that’s the norm in my family. (Sorry if that wasn’t clear 😊)

You just do what you've got to do. Depends on how your family is.

You could say you don't want other people to hold her at the minute/she's tired and wants mum/she's ill etc.

You could just tell them you don't like her to be held by people who are drinking. If they're funny about it just laugh it off 'yes I'm being precious but she's mine to be precious with'.

Since I've become a parent I just don't care about offending people as much. You do what you want with your kids within reason and if people are offended by it that's fine, thats not on you and they are adults who should be able to manage difficult feelings.

Then I would say at the start of the party to everyone 'if anyone wants a cuddle get one in early before the drinking starts' so no one can take it personally it's just your rule

This. And then stand firm. You are doing the right thing.

You can’t give a baby booze.

Ha! I quote this far too often

Your baby your rules.

You say though that all the babies in your family have always been passed around, how many of them have been dropped or injured by a relative that had been drinking?

You also said you all shared looking after the children, so you would have also held a child while you had been drinking. Why were you never concerned about potentially hurting a baby then? Your 'caring' button only become activated once you had your own. You weren't bothered about the other little ones before, only YOURS is too precious to be held by drinking adults.

Doesn't sound a great environment for a baby to be in. As the children grow they will still be present ar these drinking parties but now more aware that all the adults are drunk. That's not good for kids.

Why does having a glass of wine equal being drunk? I have a glass of wine and hold my baby, so do my family. You’ve said you have done the same. Unless your family are doing shots and falling over, I’m not sure what the issue is?

Yeah I mean I come from a big Irish family where babies are included in everything from wakes to weddings to St Patrick's Day parties etc.

In all my 50+ years I've never known a baby to be dropped or injured.

Your baby, your rules. My rule was that they needed to be seated while having the baby passed to them.

Because I have never felt love like this until I became a mum. I view all babies and situations differently now. I was naive through lack of understanding I suppose I never truly understood until I became a parent.

You’re going to need to set up a new dynamic for socializing with your family. Blow off this party for some reason (because it’s worrying you) and then organize a meet up that you would like. I suggest something outdoors during daylight hours (trip to national trust type place, a good park or riverside path if in a big city, a beach, a walk in the woods..).

Start smallish and localish. What cheap/free family friendly activities are on offer in your local area?

Just baby wear and don't take her off. Simple.

I would just set the record straight when you arrive. And if you don’t fancy drinking, just don’t drink. Although surely everyone isn’t so drunk they’re falling over? Having a glass of wine and holding a baby is surely okay in most circumstances?