Friend’s toddler etiquette

[Himpernet]

hi all,
I would be so grateful for views. I’m not a Mum and not sure if I am being unreasonable.
My closest friend has a 17 month old. He eats with no bib and no high chair. Whenever he comes round he runs around with his food, smearing food on my furniture and clothes and dropping food everywhere.
I dread him eating anything in my flat. Is it unreasonable of me to feel slightly irritated by this??

Absolutely not ok and he’ll just do this for the next several years like a neighbour’s does as his mother’s permissive approach will teach him it’s the norm.

With my neighbour, the first time - and after scrubbing stains from my carpet(!) - I said to the child, “We eat at the table”. The parents didn’t enforce or even acknowledge my rule so now I don’t invite them round. If she wants to meet, I say let’s go to a coffee shop to get some fresh air. If she asked to come round, I’d say the same thing and maybe something like “It’s not child-friendly here with all the sharp corners on furniture.” My neighbour literally puts her feet up and lets me parent as if it becomes my job as it’s my house. Bollocks to that! In a coffee shop, I let her parent and I enjoy my coffee.

Not normal. We had a fold up travel thing that turned any chair into a high chair and folded into a bag (it was cloth). I’d be outraged if the parent didn’t try to stop the toddler.

I think I would be tempted to buy a cheap booster seat for when they come round.

I truly believe that it's totally ok for you to say "at my house we sit down when we are eating".

I would be annoyed if my friends were allowing their kids to run around with food and making a mess of my house.

Your friend is being a selfish knobhead for not even realising that you don't want food smeared everywhere.

Stop inviting him

I had a travel high chair too, strapped onto a normal chair. This behaviour is rude

I don't think it's about standards I think it's about parenting style. Lots of mum friends seem to allow grazing, which I don't, and don't insist on highchairs, which I do. So when they come to my house their toddlers struggle when I say you can't get down until you've finished/ you need to have your hands wiped etc before you can play/once you leave the table the food will be going away and not coming back.

Similar experience polishing seemingly every single surface in my house as it was covered in sticky finger prints from a neighbour’s child who is always left to run riot.

Now I have kids though, I still wouldn’t allow it. In fact, the experience before has made me more careful with wiping grubby little mitts and ensuring they keep their hands off furniture etc. They always take a toy or two so they don’t have to find entertainment in furniture.

That is definitely a friend to only meet outdoors or in their house, not yours or a cafe which could be mortifying.

I’m the same as you, Flittingaboutagain, but young children and toddlers are messy by nature. An adult or older child wouldn’t dream of running their hands up and down someone’s hall paintwork… but a two year old wouldn’t know not to.

As a parent, some standards have to slide.

My three year old is expected to sit at the table for meals. They are not allowed to get down except for the toilet until DH and I have finished eating.

Occasionally we allow a picnic in the living room watching TV as a treat, but then they have to stay on the (v large) mat. I wash their hands and face immediately afterwards.

I would be extremely unimpressed if any of my friends let their toddlers smear food all over my house. Most of them have similar rules to me though.

This!

There is no reason at all for children to be wandering around smearing food all over their own homes, never mind someone else's.

My standards of housekeeping are pretty low, but food has only ever been eaten sitting at a table, wherever we have been.

She should sit him on her lap and then make sure his hands and face are thoroughly wiped before he leaves the table. Anything else is crap parenting.

My dd would no way sit in a high chair after age 1 but id never let her make a mess in someone else's home.

when mine where that age I would have taken the pram in and strapped them into the pram (which had a tray) and they would eat there. Seems like lazy parenting. Did she even clean up the mess after?

I know this is a bit off topic but why do people always have to feed toddlers constantly. I don't understand .

Before I had DC, a friend let her toddler spit milk on my floor and smear banana and pain au chocolat all over my furniture, plus crumbs everywhere. At the time I didn't know if I was being uptight and this was usual toddler behaviour. 2 DC later, I can confidently say that mine were never allowed to trash people's houses or smear food everywhere. "We eat at the table" is a very reasonable rule.

I would smile sweetly, say ‘precious’, now f@#k off !

Exactly! Does she let him do this at home? You are not unreasonable at all. She is

I don't take my toddler to people's houses as she's just too messy and hard to control.

@MissHoollie because they have small tummies so can't have big enough meals to be full. Toddlers are supposed to have 4 meals a day with snacks in between, this is what nurseries and childminders follow.

Usually, because they've had the misfortune to encounter a hungry toddler.

Agree with this too.

I would meet her at hers or a café or park. I wouldn't bring highchair but do carry bibs and my toddler sits still to eat or the food gets taken away. I clean up her mess.

I think it’s different for people that don’t have children, your standards are probably much higher than those with small children and who are just trying to make it through the day. I remember before I had my own children and my home was spotless, a friend brought her toddler round and he was filthy. Ate a biscuit and ended up covered in it and touching everything in in my house with filthy hands, literally running up and down the hall with his hands outstretched and running along the walls. I was horrified.

Baloney.
I've had dc, but would never, ever let them behave like that.
As a pp alluded to, I never let them graze throughout the day anyway, so would only generally eat at someone else's house if there over a meal time, and, if that were the case I'd have thought about it in advance and taken the seat to put on the dining chair, or their reins on a dining chair, or would have had them on my lap. They wouldn't leave the table until they had been wiped clean. I would always have had bibs, wipes, and spare clothes in the changing bag.

Ate a biscuit and ended up covered in it and touching everything in in my house with filthy hands, literally running up and down the hall with his hands outstretched and running along the walls. I was horrified.

Pre children, whilst I had small children, or since mine have grown up, I wouldn't have allowed a visiting toddler to do that though. If their Mum or Dad weren't parenting them, I'd have stepped in and carried them off to clean them up before they had the chance to spread the biscuit anywhere.

I wouldn’t allow my child to do that in our home, nevermind in someone else’s house. At home we sit at the table for meals and snacks. If we’re at someone else’s house i sit him on a mat or a towel on the floor.
If we have friends come round with young children I’m happy for them to sit at the table or on the floor, but they sit to eat.

Its your house, you make the rules.