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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

This is long sorry! About my Dad

2 replies

Skippydoodle · 29/10/2023 19:11

So patents split when I was a baby, saw dad sporadically at weekends. Had a big fall out over literally nothing when I was a teenager & didn’t see him for 20 years. I got back in touch with him & all was really good. He was with a new partner for over 30 years & we all got along well. She died a few years ago & he had a sizeable inheritance. Offered me a chunk of it a year later which I refused, but said “I don’t need anything right now, but I’ll let you know if that changes “. Long story short, I then could do with a cash injection to extend our house (we had to downsize massively a couple of years ago). No prob, says dad I’ll transfer x £ tomorrow. Now 6 months later he keeps going on about this money - I’ve offered it back as it’s not yet spent, due to delays in the planning process. He then insists, no it’s not a problem, but then a week or so later it rears it’s head again. It absolutely was not a loan - if so we would have discussed payment timeframes, it was definitely a gift at the time of giving. It was brought up by him at a family lunch today, in front of my in-laws (I felt an inch tall). I’m going to transfer it back to him tomorrow as I am just so p*ed off with him & don’t want to feel indebted. It was offered as a gift but now seems not so. I honestly am not so annoyed about our plans being spoilt, we will still do it, but will just have to save up for another 3 or 4 years, just feel a little hurt at his to-ing & fro-ing.🤦🏻‍♀️

OP posts:
Dowhadiddydiddydum · 29/10/2023 19:14

I don’t blame you for feeling annoyed. A gift isn’t a gift if it has strings attached. You’re right to send the money back as it sounds as though he would have held it over you ongoing.

CarrieMoonbeams · 29/10/2023 19:17

I feel for you OP. My (late) mum was exactly the same - the last straw for me was when she transferred money to me for my 50th birthday, then started moaning to anyone who'd listen about what I'd opted to buy.

I transferred it back to her about a week after she gave it to me, and made sure that I never took another penny from her.

I read a thing on here that said "gifts come with ribbons, not strings". So true. You'll get there with the work you want done on your house, and just think of the sense of achievement you'll have 🤗

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