Feel let down

[Brumbies]

It's an hour round trip to pick up grandchild and come back to mine. A day spent with said child is tiring in itself altho they are now 11. It's then an hour round trip to take them back.

Aibu to ask daughter in law to bring child to me and pick up too? I'm in my 70's now and don't have the energy levels I used to have.

DIL says she hasn't time even tho she's not at work this week?

I feel quite upset tbh.

You should have said no!! You sound lovely but they are absolutely taking advantage of your good nature. Tell them it’s too much, meet half way or do one journey each

Speak to your son?

Are you having DGC for fun or as childcare? You say DDIL is off work.

If it’s for your benefit and she/DS doesn’t have time, I think you will have to suck it up. If it’s a case of you doing them a favour, just say you won’t be able to collect/drop off and stick to it.

Can you suggest you split the trip? Ie you pick up, they collect (and if they collect why not bring your son with them and go out to tea at the pub or they bring fish and chips or something). Or could they bring over in morning and then you take back and stay at their for dinner?

Just say you can't do it unless DIL/DS bring him to you, and pick him up. Or volunteer to do one of the trips if you feel up to it. I am guessing you are doing this because you want to spend time with DGC rather than childcare, but I would expect the parents to help with this.

DIL probably is busy. What is your son doing, does he work away?

Could you do the pick up and someone do the return journey?

Suggested we do one journey each but she's still too busy even tho she's not at work this week.

So I will have to do both trips.

Son is working.

Tbh next time I'll just not bother having child.

Well you’re doing them a favour - she’s not working so of course she can bring the child. Speak to your son, explain you’re not able to drive long distance like you used to be able to.

Why is she too busy? Is it her child or step child? If the latter it is your son's responsibility if child with u for child care,if gc is her child too then her responsibility too. If gc is with u for time together and not vhildcare,then surely she/son could fo kne of the journeys. Next time fo whst suits u OP

Bless you. Im 50 and have DGC and im knackered lol. If i was 70 and having to travel that much i would definitely be laying conditions down, i will have DGC but youll have to bring DGC , its too much otherwise

I'm going to insist next time or I'll just not have the child.

It sounds like there are two possibilities here: 1. she doesn't actually want you to have your DGC.

She's not working, so presumably she doesn't need childcare.

So, is it more a case of her saying "I don't fancy spending two hours in the car to drop my child with you when I don't need to, if you want DGC to spend the day with you then you'll need to do the driving?"

Or 2: taking your DIL at her word, if she is too busy to spend two hours driving; has she given you a reason to believe she would be lying?

For example, she might be looking after an elderly relative, have a hospital appointment, be volunteering etc. And this is an instance where she does need childcare and she is too busy to do the driving.

Could you spend the day at their house instead as a compromise?

My PIL would only do childcare at their house (a 5-6hour round trip in good traffic) this basically ruled them out from ever helping (which they were under no obligation to do) but gave them to opportunity to "offer help" (& tell everyone they'd done so) alllllll the time.