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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Thoughtless husband?

18 replies

Itsjustme23 · 29/10/2023 16:52

I (45F) went away for an evening with DH and another couple. In our apartment, DH and I were getting dressed for dinner. DH was ready first and left the room, knowing that I was naked, leaving the door wide open. Around the corner walks our friend and gets a complete eyeful of me. I shouted at DH to close the door but the damage was done. He didn’t apologise or even acknowledge what he did (symptomatic of his thoughtless behaviour sometimes) but I’m so angry I haven’t spoken to him since - I feel humiliated. Later in the evening DH and his friend made a joke about it and I pretended in front of the other couple that it didn’t bother me, but I’m fuming. Not spoken a word directly to DH In almost 48 hours. He’s ignoring me too. AIBU?

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 29/10/2023 16:54

To leave it open could have been an innocent mistake, but to laugh at you with this guy makes him a knob.

towriteyoumustlive · 29/10/2023 16:56

Naked naked? Or underwear?

It's not the end of the world.

I would have just made a joke about your husband and his naked sleepwalking antics.

Sexnotgender · 29/10/2023 16:58

That’s terrible, what an inconsiderate knob.

Hibambinos · 29/10/2023 16:58

I would be angry but more at the lack of apology

Hbh17 · 29/10/2023 16:59

Not a big deal - you could have just laughed it off. Seems bizarre to not speak to someone for such a long time.

DisforDarkChocolate · 29/10/2023 17:00

That just feels deliberate to me.

hotcandle · 29/10/2023 17:06

I would be furious too, OP.

Like, seriously furious.

I don't think going silent during an argument is the right thing to do, tbh but I don't know how I would even pick up conversation again without an apology so I don't blame you.

He just has to apologise. It doesn't matter if he doesn't think it's a big deal. It's the fact that it matters to you.

VeridicalVagabond · 29/10/2023 17:07

On the face of it, yes it sounds inconsiderate. And laughing about it after could be mean, could be him trying to gloss over an awkward situation. Without knowing him, you, your friends and your collective relationships and dynamics it's difficult to say.

However, how are you expecting 48hrs of silent treatment to help? Surely the better thing to do would be talk to him, hash out your feelings and work it out? Not pretend to laugh about it and then give him the silent treatment for days?

hotcandle · 29/10/2023 17:07

Just a tip for the future... don't ever let yourself be the butt of a joke. Don't laugh at jokes about yourself just to save someone's feelings. The other couple should have saw how disappointed you were.

I've stopped laughing when someone is trying to make me feel small.

Your husband was trying to make you feel small.

Restinggoddess · 29/10/2023 17:23

So he is fully dressed - and you are starkers??
How long do you take to get ready?

Moon5 · 29/10/2023 18:27

Restinggoddess · 29/10/2023 17:23

So he is fully dressed - and you are starkers??
How long do you take to get ready?

Why does that matter?

Triumvirate · 29/10/2023 18:30

Restinggoddess · 29/10/2023 17:23

So he is fully dressed - and you are starkers??
How long do you take to get ready?

What an odd thing to focus on. People on here really do behave quite strangely.

Triumvirate · 29/10/2023 18:33

One view is that it was an accident and he joked about it to try and defuse it all.

The other viewpoint would be that it was careless and inconsiderate and he enjoyed laughing at you.

What kind of person is he normally?My husband would have apologised profusely. I would probably have said something to the man myself later to ‘get it out of the way’.

But you will all have to move on I guess as it’s done now. I am sorry this happened to you.

nbee84 · 29/10/2023 18:42

I've got a dh a bit like this (though probably wouldn't have joked with his mates) Just seems to have no awareness of things beyond himself. Will push back his chair in a restaurant to go to the bar/toilet and just leave it pushed out in the aisle. Will stand in the middle of the aisle in a shop looking at things unaware of people trying to get past. And just today was trying on a jumper in a shop and flung his arm out and almost took a lady out with it! If I say anything he makes it sound like I'm making a fuss. Drives me potty.

spookehtooth · 29/10/2023 18:42

@Itsjustme23 what do you mean symptomatic of his thoughtless behaviour? It sounds like this is about more than this one example

WeWereInParis · 29/10/2023 18:45

One view is that it was an accident and he joked about it to try and defuse it all.

The other viewpoint would be that it was careless and inconsiderate and he enjoyed laughing at you.

I agree. It depends on the general dynamic of the relationship and how he treats you, what sort of man he is, and what the joke was. Plus what the relationship with the friends is like. I can feasibly see a situation where it's an honest mistake, and the joke is in good humour (even if it missed the mark). I can also see it being a cruel joke.

Neither of you talking to the other for 48 hours is childish though.

Nanny0gg · 29/10/2023 18:51

Restinggoddess · 29/10/2023 17:23

So he is fully dressed - and you are starkers??
How long do you take to get ready?

What the hell has that got to do with anything?

She was naked, he left the door open and their friend saw her

Like a lot of people would, she felt humiliated and he won't apologise.

Is he in the wrong? Yes.

Americano75 · 29/10/2023 18:53

Restinggoddess · 29/10/2023 17:23

So he is fully dressed - and you are starkers??
How long do you take to get ready?

How in the name of God is that relevant?

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