To say a flat share is the only answer here ?

Beezknees · 29/10/2023 14:30

YANBU. All the single friends I have that live in London house share.

BananaHamster · 29/10/2023 14:33

It's that or she moves further up north where places are more affordable.

Basilton · 29/10/2023 14:36

I wouldn’t have wanted to house or flat share at the age of 40 either. I would look into options further afield.

HelpMebeok · 29/10/2023 14:37

My friend rents a flat in Hemel for less than £1k a month . Then travels in via train

Beezknees · 29/10/2023 14:39

Basilton · 29/10/2023 14:36

I wouldn’t have wanted to house or flat share at the age of 40 either. I would look into options further afield.

I wouldn't either, but if you can't afford to live in London then it's either that or move somewhere cheaper.

AutumnFroglets · 29/10/2023 14:40

I think the real question is whether she can support herself long term if she is struggling with chronic health problems that affect her energy. Even fit and healthy 40yr old get exhausted from ft work, commute, cleaning, shopping, cooking and laundry. There is (usually) a lot of hidden support going on when living with parents.

justalittlesnoel · 29/10/2023 14:52

Would she be okay in a house share if she had a chronic illness and needed support? Just wondering if her parents might be providing a level of help that wouldn't be present in a house share. For what it's worth I wouldn't judge someone in their 40s in london living with parents, it's so expensive to live there!

Overthebow · 29/10/2023 14:54

its probably her only option if she wants to stay in London. It’s either that or move out of London to a cheaper area.

EmpressaurusOfCats · 29/10/2023 14:55

The not driving does make it trickier - that’s a strong reason to stay in London, especially if her condition means she can’t learn.

3moon · 29/10/2023 14:57

Does she have siblings? Perhaps she’s hoping to inherit the house since she’s the one who has been living there…. And apparently no other option.
My inclination is either greed or she secretly loves loving with her mama and just making excuses.
Or maybe she is just cutting off her nose despite her face. If she doesn’t like it, she’ll have to either move to a cheaper area or house share. Not much more to it really.
Not sure you’ll be able to convince otherwise though…! Her life. Just live yours and let her plod on, unless she keeps moaning about it. In which case tell her straight it isn’t her only option, and honestly whilst you value her as a friend, you’re tired of hearing it! Then move onto something else.

Beezknees · 29/10/2023 15:03

EmpressaurusOfCats · 29/10/2023 14:55

The not driving does make it trickier - that’s a strong reason to stay in London, especially if her condition means she can’t learn.

I live in Nottingham and can't drive, I get on fine. Obviously I can't live anywhere rural but it's not the case that everywhere outside of London has zero public transport.

Silvers11 · 29/10/2023 15:12

@IceAndLemonPlease There is nothing inherently wrong with her still living with her parents, especially given her health issues and she has no reason to be embarrassed. If that's the ONLY reason she wants to move out I would tell her to stay put. As someone else said, she is probably getting lots of 'hidden' support by continuing to live with them

However, it really rather depends on the size of her parents House and what kind of relationship she has with them. If she is not being treated by them as an independent Adult, then yes, if she wants to stay in London AND not to be living with her parents she would need to find a flat share. It doesn't sound like it would be a good idea to move to far from her parents, if she has health issues to be honest

Out of interest, is this something she brought up unprompted, or did you raise it with her first?

EmpressaurusOfCats · 29/10/2023 15:14

Beezknees · 29/10/2023 15:03

I live in Nottingham and can't drive, I get on fine. Obviously I can't live anywhere rural but it's not the case that everywhere outside of London has zero public transport.

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Fair point.

AutumnFroglets · 29/10/2023 15:21

I live in Nottingham and can't drive, I get on fine.

From OP
but has illnesses, chronic ones which impact on energy and mobility

Driving, instead of standing around waiting for buses, walking to and from the stops which can be over 10 minutes either side, especially in the cold, snow and ice, make a huge impact on the ability to work when someone has little energy. So her inability to drive is quite a big factor unfortunately.

SquashPenguin · 29/10/2023 15:21

When I house shared in London I had a few housemates in their 40’s. No one thought anything of it because everyone understands how expensive it is there.

It doesn’t have to be an HMO with 5 people sharing 1 bathroom. Lots of people are in two bed flat shares and just want a mature and responsible adult to share the costs with.

Original poster

IceAndLemonPlease · 29/10/2023 15:24

She is far from greedy and isn’t just staying there to get an inheritance. I can just see it’s hard for her. She has a sister but she has moved into her boyfriends social housing property. He supports her financially but my friend doesn’t have that. Would be lovely if she could get her own place as I know she would really benefit from it. Was just posting to see if I could get anymore ideas that I hadn’t thought of. Not to judge her or call her out for being a loser or anything as horrible as that.

OP posts:

Crustyjuggler92 · 29/10/2023 15:51

House sharing can be great. It's not all messy kitchens and huge HMOs. Maybe she can look on spare room for someone in a similar situation and age and hunt for a house together. That way it's less commitment. It's the buddy up option.on spareroom.com

Toddlerteaplease · 29/10/2023 15:54

@Beezknees I also live in Nottingham and didn't drive for 12 years. But fortunately our public transport is excellent. Though
Now I do drive I can't imagine having to manage without!

Beezknees · 29/10/2023 15:59

Toddlerteaplease · 29/10/2023 15:54

@Beezknees I also live in Nottingham and didn't drive for 12 years. But fortunately our public transport is excellent. Though
Now I do drive I can't imagine having to manage without!

A lot of people say that! I never had the chance to learn when I was younger (was pregnant at 17 and couldn't afford to while raising DS on my own) now learning just seems like a massive expense when I wfh most of the time. I think we are quite lucky here though to have great bus services and the tram.

jgjgjgjgjg · 29/10/2023 16:06

If she is 40 her parents may well be approaching 70 and in need of care themselves soon. I suggest she get out while she can before she falls into the role of default carer. Unless that is the unspoken agreement she has with her parents of course?

PestilencialCrisis · 29/10/2023 16:09

Does she pay rent to her parents? Does she have any savings?

Options:

1- move to a cheaper area and commute in to London (look at places like Harlow, Stevenage etc - you can get into London in 25 minutes)

2-get a flat share

3-look at houseboats (if practical with her mobility issues) they are much cheaper than houses/flats

4-stay where she is and be unhappy

5-jack it all in, find a remote job and travel around the world

6- work abroad in somewhere like Singapore, Qatar, Hong Kong, UAE where you can earn very good money in a short amount of time, come back with a big deposit for a flat in 2 years.

7-ask parents/family for money for a deposit

8- have her parents chuck her out and try to get a council flat somewhere (although London councils are sending lots of cases up North anyway).

9- sofa surf

Original poster

IceAndLemonPlease · 29/10/2023 16:26

I think that is her unspoken worry that although she has her health issues she will end up caring for them also as they get older. It is shit for people in her position but I do wonder whether a lot of it is down to society’s perception of living at home past a certain age. Sad but true, people can be very cruel.
Travelling around the world not going to work for her with her health and unsure about savings etc. I just sense she is unhappy and want to help.

OP posts:

SylvieLaufeydottir · 29/10/2023 16:52

Beezknees · 29/10/2023 15:03

I live in Nottingham and can't drive, I get on fine. Obviously I can't live anywhere rural but it's not the case that everywhere outside of London has zero public transport.

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Presumably her work is in London though, and people are suggesting she moves out to the Home Counties. There are certainly tons of trains into London from the HCs, but getting around locally on public transport is substantially more limited than within London, or another urban area like Nottingham. It is a factor.

Riola · 29/10/2023 17:07

IceAndLemonPlease · 29/10/2023 14:25

Friend is 40 next month and upset as she can’t afford to move out alone as a single person in London. She is still living with parents which I know is a source of much embarrassment for her. She does work but has illnesses, chronic ones which impact on energy and mobility, however controlled enough not to qualify for anything. I see her only solution is a flat share but she seems against that. Aibu to say this is her only option at this point ? She doesn’t drive either which doesn’t help matters.

OP can she find a remote working position that would allow her to WFH with only occasional visits to the office? If so she could maybe move to a northern city or somewhere cheaper. Is she bold/sociable enough to make new friends?

It sucks that rent prices have exploded, social housing is practically non-existent and wages have stagnated so it shouldn’t be necessary but this might be a good option for her.

Not sure if I’d advise a reluctant house-sharer unless she wanted to try it out for a short 2 month contract as a lodger with the option of extending the contract . I’ve had flatshares before, some of them I’m still in contact with and meet up with them sometimes , others I’ve had to call the police on - not joking! It can be quite frightening when people you share a living space turn out to be awful and you’re locked into a contract. It’s not for everyone!

Beezknees · 29/10/2023 17:29

SylvieLaufeydottir · 29/10/2023 16:52

Presumably her work is in London though, and people are suggesting she moves out to the Home Counties. There are certainly tons of trains into London from the HCs, but getting around locally on public transport is substantially more limited than within London, or another urban area like Nottingham. It is a factor.

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If she were to move she could look for another job elsewhere. If it's not a particularly well paid job then it's probably not London centric.