How do you navigate dating someone locally and accidentally meeting the kids?

[DatingMum6838]

So if you date someone local to you (like only been dating a month or so), and there is loads of events going on in the town over the next couple of months because of Halloween, bonfire night and Christmas - what happens if you end up at the same event as them but feel it’s too early for them to meet your kids?

I obviously don’t want to have to avoid major events going on, and I can’t ask them not to attend either, so is it more of a ignore them at the event or just introduce them to the kids as a friend instead if it comes down to it?

Introduce as a friend from a hobby or business networking meeting.

Just say hello and go about your business.

Don't think of it as 'meeting the kids'. They 'meet' people every day, other parents at the school gate, shop assistants, people walking down the road. You'll just be another face in a sea of faces.

I was just about to say the best way to do it would be to introduce as a friend from a business networking meeting. "This is Dave, my friend from a business networking meeting."

What could be more natural?

Just treat them like anyone else at the event. Say hi and continue doing what you were doing.

Just say hi and wander on. They don’t need to know the details, say a friend or something if they push?

I’d just say hello - if kids ask who he is just say a friend

Check with their other parent which events they're going to be attending and avoid them. If it's not possible avoid events altogether this year or go to out of town ones. Personally there's no way if I wasn't ready to be open with my DC about a relationship that I'd risk having to tell them lies or half truths about 'friends from work'. It's dishonest and unnecessary for the sake of a bit of pre planning or missing out on the local fireworks for once.

Don't you think that's a bit OTT?

How old are the kids?

I'm one of the people on these threads who say you should wait a year before introducing your partner to your kids, but I suppose what I mean is you should wait a year before forcing your kids to spend any time with them.

If your kids know you're dating then I don't see anything wrong with just saying "Hey kids, this is Dave, we've been on a couple of dates", then a minute or two or polite chit chat before moving on to enjoy the fireworks seperately.

If your kids are too young to understand dating, then you just say Dave is a friend.

The point is to avoid your kids spending too much time with someone you don't know or trust, or to stop them getting attached to someone who may not be on the scene for long, not to hide the fact that you're seeing someone from them.

Can’t see the drama as long as your introduced as a friend and not there new mum

Depending on how old the children are, why does anything need to be explained? Surely, "this is Dave", and carry on talking is the best path? In the scenario you describe of fireworks etc, I would imagine the children are going to be more likely to want to watch the fireworks than worry about who mum is talking to.

Unless you're holding hands, snogging or talking about the date you're going on next week etc etc

No. I'd want to be able to be honest with my children. If the time wasn't right to introduce a new person without pretence then I'd just avoid it cropping up in the first place. Unless you live in a very isolated area there's typically a wide choice of seasonal events nearby, so not that hard to avoid where your children are likely to be.

@5128gap I think the op means, if she is out with her kids and the new BF is out with his kids and they bump into each other. In which case a hello and keep walking is fine.

But if like you have read it that the op is out with her BF and bump into her kids with their other parent it would be more awkward and like you I think they could find somewhere else for their date where they are not likely to bump in to the kids.

Aha! Reading it again, I think you're right and the OP means if she's there with her children, not with her BF. Entirely different situation. My mistake.

This has happened to me!

DC were 12 and 15 and knew I was dating someone called "Chris" and that I was seeing him that weekend. We ran into DD out and about and of course she realised it was my date I was with, not just a friend.

I just had a little chat and then carried on, but I was a little vexed that I had been put in a position where I had to introduce him to my DC months before I felt comfortable with the idea.