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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I want to get off the ride

37 replies

Tapasita · 29/10/2023 08:20

I am tired of working full time. I am tired from being in full-on parenting mode for the last 10 years with pre-schoolers. My youngest started school in Sep and quite honestly I feel like walking away from my demanding job. I need some time out. I feel frazzled. If not forever, at least for a year or so. I just feel bone-tired from being on the treadmill. Through sheer hard graft and determination I’ve saved £70,000 over the years and this is now sitting in a savings account. It’s there for the children, to help towards a house deposit or in whatever way I can when they’re ready to set themselves up.

Of course I’m not going to give up my job and sit on my bum. But I feel I need a break. My physical health has declined significantly in the last two years. Last year I was hospitalised and had a stent in for a while. I remember lying in the bed in hospital freaking out about the kids and their dinner, their washing, etc etc. I don’t do anything for myself any more. Life just feels like endless responsibility and I’m tired.

I’m 41 FFS and I already want to jack it in and retire. I look at people of retirement age and think how the hell am I going to get that far. I don’t know if I can make it. I’m ready to leave it all behind now and I’ve got another 25 years or so ahead of me.

OP posts:
WhatsCookingFlora · 29/10/2023 09:11

Mimmi78 · 29/10/2023 08:54

You are always entitled and should get off the crazy, relentless roundabout when it is affecting you mentally and physically. I would suggest a visit to GP who may suggest some rest and sick leave from work. This could give you some breathing space to asses things. Controversial but what about a halfway suggestion?

Take a reasonable amount of the money and spend it on a part time housekeeper? Someone who will take some of the tasks that are both mental and physical load. They need to be capable of managing cleaning, washing and some minimal meal prep. You may be lucky and find someone who can do the odd pick up/ drop off and sit for you?
We is a family a menu plan with corresponding online shop lists, hard to establish, amazing when implemented. We just swap out things for how our week plan looks. Most important it's "our" job including kids to know, inform and plan what's coming up in the week ahead. My younger DS still needs support with this but it gets the idea that we work as a team in mind.

I also just started to let go a bit more, kids don't learn unless given the freedom to do so. I used to drag the clothes out that the kids had been asked to put away, as I wanted it done "properly". Accepting that it's a bit rubbish but they are put away and they are learning good habits, frees me of this mental and physical task!

Work, stick at it but find a solution that works. Dropping hours at an existing role is hard without buy in on what the expectation is and how you will "drop". Is there a job/workplace you have always thought would suit you that you could approach? Could you do so with a plan that sells your part time working approach? I did this when I was miserable in an old job. The firm I now work for were not advertising, I just got myself a pitch and approached. I am the top person in my role for for my firm but work three days with strict self management on what I will or won't do ( I educated everyone from the beginning to never, ever expect a response on a non working day, you would be surprised how many things work themselves out without you!).

I think the first step is a time out for you for your mental and physical health and take it from there. The money is no use at all if you are so unwell it poses a risk. Flowers

I need to take several leaves out of your book - you've inspired me a bit here!

Candleabra · 29/10/2023 09:15

SpringingJoy · 29/10/2023 09:08

What job do you have? Is it Secure, do you get sick pay etc?

I would get signed off in your situation, for as long as I could on full pay. I'd cite stress, depression, whatever was needed.

Obviously won't go down well with some but I'd do this before using my savings, whether for a week or six months and then see how I felt.

I agree with this. Give yourself some time out to rest and think.

sparklefresh · 29/10/2023 09:16

DustyLee123 · 29/10/2023 08:21

Use the money to drop a day, your kids can sort themselves out.

This.

MortifiedSeptember · 29/10/2023 09:22

Use some of your savings for a cleaner. Or save less money and use the money you make for a cleaner and a regular babysitter who takes the dc to an activity lasting 3hr a week.

Itsnotchristmasyet · 29/10/2023 09:25

You’ve got young kids, of course you’re going to feel like this.

What would make your life easier?

Could you hire a babysitter for a few hours on Saturdays or hire a cleaner?

I would definitely book a holiday.
Preferably one that has a kids holiday club.

Definitely do not retire.
This is a temporary feeling but quitting your job could be a big mistake.

You haven’t said if you are a single parent or not.
If you’re not, is your DH pulling his weight?
If not then this needs to be your priority.

Sunset6 · 29/10/2023 09:41

Taking some time away from work to rest/recharge/rethink is a good idea, but I would do it by agreement with your employer (either paid/unpaid leave or sabbatical) rather than ‘getting signed off’ as some people are suggesting here. Sick leave is for people who are sick, not people who just need a rest.

Savoury · 29/10/2023 10:04

Drop a day and use that to get on top of admin (not housework) before collecting DC for a nice time at home or a playdate etc. Don’t use that day as the drudgery day - keep time for the gym or a walk/coffee with a friend. Then evaluate if 4 days works or needs refinement.

You don’t say what you do so it’s hard to judge the impact on your career. I’m in a senior role and am older so have seen thousands navigate this: if you’re in a professional and competitive field, reduce daily hours, drop a day but don’t leave! It’s hard to get back in at the same level after 5 years out and time has a habit of passing quickly.

Savoury · 29/10/2023 10:07

Stunned that people are suggesting sick leave because life feels busy.. What would a sick leave tell you - you prefer being paid to be at home?

Mimmi78 · 29/10/2023 10:10

Thanks @WhatsCookingFlora , it's by no means perfect but I was as unwell as OP sounds with the misery and it's now a million times better. I love my job and my family, I needed to enjoy them not just "do the stuff" . Smile

Nothanksthanksanyway · 29/10/2023 10:12

At my work you can take up to a year off paid parental leave - is this type of thing an option? Gives you time and space and a rest to make the next plan?

YOOHOOHEYITSME · 29/10/2023 17:56

burn out is real.
its a diagnosed condition as i was diagnosed with this 4 months before i had a emotional breakdown

mine was trauma and stress related through no fault of my own so i wasn't prescribed tablets as i wasn't depressed i just had to rest, which is not possible being a lone parent to 2 disabled kids that don't sleep

im a 24/7 carer and we home educate so i don't have work and school stress(BUT i do this 24/7 though as im always "on call")

even if you don't pursue this medially have a goggle and if you do match the symptoms there's many help groups of face book and advice on google

would an good holiday help?

bonzaitree · 29/10/2023 18:37

Id get signed off work for 2 weeks (and maybe another 2) and rest as much as possible.

Use some of the £70k to get a cleaner, someone to do the washing. Make the easiest meals you possibly can ie bung in oven or sandwiches. Kids will love. Sleep when kids are at school.

see how you are after a month.

Id also speak to your partner if you have one. Get him or her in board and tell them how you feel.

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