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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To tell my parents we aren’t watching any news in our house

45 replies

Saywhatman · 28/10/2023 23:23

I’ve been having a lot of anxiety recently over the news etc, plus I don’t want my 5 year old seeing anything distressing. We never watch the news in our house, I follow things via the internet or sometimes via daytime shows if I’m in.
My parents are coming to stay for a week and they tend to watch the news from 6-7/7.30 even though they complain all the way through and dad admits he watches far too much news and it brings him down. I always say to them that we don’t watch the news, but inevitably it ends up back on and depressing conversations ensue
Aibu to announce a total ban on it this time they stay?

OP posts:
WandaWonder · 29/10/2023 03:07

Yeah ignoring news makes it all go away, it also makes for very insular children and people who think the world revolves around them

I do not think showing over graphical news helps anyone but totally ignoring it makes no sense either

And sure people can do this 'my house my rules' but I always find that incredibly rude and insular

BananaPyjamaLlama · 29/10/2023 03:56

My parents watch the breakfast news, lunchtime, tea time and evening news. National and local and the weather four times a day almost every day which I find unbearable if Im visiting.
In our house we dont watch the news at all - but we listen to the news on the radio most days at some point. And we buy a weekly news magazine (The Week) so we are connected to what is going on without the images in our heads.

bofski14 · 29/10/2023 04:51

Growing up we had the news on at breakfast every morning, then the 6 o clock and the 9 o clock news. All I remember is daily graphic images and sombre reports of Saddam Hussein, bombings, war, Iran, Iraq, weapons of mass destruction, Osama Bin Laden, hours upon hours of men in suits analysing what might possibly maybe perhaps happen. It seemed so bleak and endless and always like we were on the brink of immediate world war. Then we got Sky News and it was on even more because "we have to know what's going on". For context, we lived in a quiet village in Wales. And it was all a massive waste of my childhood having to listen to that horror for hours upon hours, filling my head with terror. For years. A huge waste of time. As an adult, I don't watch the news whatsoever. If something so massive enough that it's going to affect my day to day life is going to happen, then I'll know about it. I don't need to tune in to a TV broadcast multiple times per day. The news is always, always bad news. It's never good news. It's never joyous, it's never a feel good story. It's all about keeping you in a state of low level anxiety. Just switch it off and do something nice.

Ponderingwindow · 29/10/2023 05:01

My parents turned into those people who keep a news channel on from the moment they wake up until the moment they go to sleep. It was in every common room of the house. Even when we were in their house, I had to explain it wasn’t healthy for a very young child and ask them to turn it off in the room we were in

with phones and tablets they can still get their fix without exposing other people

BertieBotts · 29/10/2023 06:12

Greenshake · 29/10/2023 00:41

@SwordToFlamethrower I just can’t imagine living like that. Don’t you feel a kind of social responsibility to know?

I don't. I hear about stuff anyway, mainly discussion of issues on social media, but without a rolling backdrop of horror images and the doom tones that TV news reports (and some of the sensationalist online news media) generally have. I will go and look up coverage or discussion if I want to find out about something, and subscribe to a couple of current events podcasts, but don't listen to every episode.

What do you do with this social responsibility? I'm not being snarky, I'm genuinely curious as to how it's helpful. I don't see that making myself anxious or upset about things happening millions of miles away that I have no control over helps anybody. To me, social responsibility is about having a positive effect with my direct actions where possible; trying to raise my children to be good people, avoiding creating too much waste, contributing to things where I can make a difference (e.g. donating time/money), being kind in everyday interactions, doing the best that I can at work, putting positivity/hope/understanding/curiosity out into the world.

There is research which shows that when we read/hear/see events that would provoke a defensive or danger response IRL it provokes some level of that response in your body anyway, even though the danger is not actually applicable to you directly. The thing is that this response isn't completely benign, when it's balanced it is, because it's meant to provoke action. It diverts resources from other areas of your body in order to enable that action, because the occasions where you do experience physical danger IRL are much rarer so it doesn't matter because you can spare a bit of thinking power, empathy, calm, seeing the bigger picture etc when you need to address an urgent threat. But you don't want to be drained of those things at the rate that we hear about disasters and atrocities in the news, that's not helpful to your everyday functioning. And it's not healthy to keep having an urgent threat response and then not using that capacity for action against the threat.

People will have different tolerances of course, so some people can watch the news every day and find that this is fine and they are happy with their level of action and don't feel unduly stressed and anxious, but if anyone is struggling with anxiety, cutting down on exposure to rolling news is a good idea to try, and I don't see that it is irresponsible to do that if it helps protect someone's ability to do other things which are good in the world.

BertieBotts · 29/10/2023 06:22

The news is always, always bad news. It's never good news. It's never joyous, it's never a feel good story. It's all about keeping you in a state of low level anxiety.

That said, I don't subscribe to this thinking. I don't think there is some coordinated effort by "the powers that be" to keep everyone subdued and anxious.

Yes the news is anxiety provoking, but I don't think that the motivation for producing anxiety-provoking news programmes is anything particularly malicious, it's as simple as numbers - it makes us feel compelled to keep coming back for updates, so reporting in this nature leads to more views/shares over time which is what the news companies want.

Also by its nature progress is very slow and gradual whereas disaster and destruction can be massive and instant. If people want to hear more of the good news/progress I always suggest subscribing to a couple of journals in a topic area that you're interested in, as this way you get to read about the small increments in progress and developments which will be much more widespread in future.

2Rebecca · 29/10/2023 06:34

I rarely "watch" news I tend to read about it or listen to it. You get less "see how sad this woman who has just found out her husband has been killed" "watch her wail" sort of emotionally manipulative stuff and can read about more than the one event the media is currently binging on. The BBC seems to have forgotten Ukraine at the moment

echt · 29/10/2023 06:42

I haven't watched the news (Australia) or anything live except Gardening Australia for years. My objection was about the inane way women were obliged to dress: tits out, bare arms. I expect things have changed but CBA going back.

I read three online papers and get two hard copy weekend versions of them online. That's it.

Your house, OP, so your rules. The suggestion of a tablet is good, maybe a radio in their bedroom.

FloofCloud · 29/10/2023 06:46

Well house of games is on then so NO!!
Besides which your child needs some telly before bed, do they still have bedtime stories and in the night garden?

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 29/10/2023 06:52

@PinkPinkPink16
and I grew up with the conflicts and some knowledge of world affairs. I think kids should know what's going on in the world & build up their knowledge of world events/on going conflicts etc.

I would normally agree with this but for some reason the msm are trying to make people live in fear, heighten anxiety, everything is the end of the world etc so I'd tell them to watch it in their room.

Burnoutwhat · 29/10/2023 06:55

I think that's far enough. I don't watch any tv news at all but my parents seem to have it on constantly. I do think some things are distressing for kids when they don't fully understand them. I know I have memories of being worried about the ira when I was little. I'm 38 now and think my parents didn't even consider this.

110APiccadilly · 29/10/2023 07:02

In this day and age, they can easily keep up with what's going on without needing to expose your young child to it. I never have TV news on, and not radio news when my kids are around, but I keep an eye on what's going on. I don't want to have to explain what, e.g., rape is to my nearly three year old yet - and I know she does pick things up when we have the radio on (she sings the Classic FM jingle sometimes - I know, very middle class of me but as it happens I like classical music.)

I suppose you could offer to watch Newsround with them.

Canisaysomething · 29/10/2023 07:06

If guests don’t follow your house rules then they don’t visit.

OldBilge · 29/10/2023 07:12

JockTamsonsBairns · 29/10/2023 01:37

I agree. I can't imagine shutting my eyes and ears to what's going on, just so I could feel more cheerful.
My DSs and 25 and 16, and are both very socially aware. We talk at length about what we hear in the news and, although much of it is hard to absorb, I think it's important that they're able to interpret what's going on and formulate their own thoughts and viewpoints.
It's not about coming up with practical solutions, but more about being able to understand the world around us.
I'd be pretty disappointed if either of them took a "I don't want to know" approach.

This. I find the ‘I’m too sensitive for current affairs’ stuff people spout on here pretty deplorable.

MidnightOnceMore · 29/10/2023 07:24

OldBilge · 29/10/2023 07:12

This. I find the ‘I’m too sensitive for current affairs’ stuff people spout on here pretty deplorable.

Calling other people 'deplorable' simply because they don't live exactly as you think they should is a bit much.

Throughout history there have always been people who are more and less interested in consuming news. What makes a person 'deplorable' is how they treat others, not how much news they consume.

(I'm myself read quite a lot of news).

Velvian · 29/10/2023 07:25

YANBU I haven't watched the news in years. We have radio 4 on regularly, so there is 'news' in our house. TV news became ridiculously sensationalised a few years ago. I want nothing to do with it, personally.

fourelementary · 29/10/2023 07:29

I said YABU to say they can’t watch the News at all. I’d say the News doesn’t go on while DD is up but you’re welcome to watch it after she’s in bed.
win win.

BogRollBOGOF · 29/10/2023 07:31

Banning the news is OTT, particularly if they're mainly watching for a limited window. Watching rolling news coverage is a bit different because it tends to overlap and repeat much of the coverage for several hours until new content comes in, but if they're watching evening news around the time that you're getting your DD off to bed anyway it's not a major issue.

The news was always grim. Israel/ Hammas has been a recurring theme for decades. In the 90s it was war in Yugoslavia rather than Ukraine. Natural disasters always occur throughout the year. It's annoying that everything is presented as a "Crisis" but the actual themes have remained fairly similar.

My early memories of news was of near skeletal people starving in Ethiopia, strikes, bombings and hostages in Beruit, the IRA, and disasters such as the Kings Cross fire (I knew Kings Cross station) Zeebruge and Piper Alpha. The IRA was relevent in my life as I have been evacuated in bomb scares and there was a general culture of being vigilent over bombs being left around.

BertieBotts · 29/10/2023 23:41

AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 29/10/2023 06:52

@PinkPinkPink16
and I grew up with the conflicts and some knowledge of world affairs. I think kids should know what's going on in the world & build up their knowledge of world events/on going conflicts etc.

I would normally agree with this but for some reason the msm are trying to make people live in fear, heighten anxiety, everything is the end of the world etc so I'd tell them to watch it in their room.

Don't get sucked into this thinking... the media (all of it not just "mainstream") want you to keep watching as it gets their viewing figures up, which makes them money. That's all. That's why there is a lot of content that provokes reactions which make us feel like it's urgent, important, necessary, which make us angry or afraid - those emotions cause us to react, like, comment, share. I don't believe that it's a conscious conspiracy to make everyone feel like that, just coincidence because that's what happens to be the most effective tactic.

I quite like the idea of "Moloch" to explain this which is a concept that describes:

> You have a long term, worthwhile goal.
> In order to achieve the long term goal you need some kind of short term resource.
> The short term resource is scarce, so you have to compete for it.
> The most effective way to gain the short term resource is by using tactics which ultimately cause harm.
> However, if you don't use those tactics, your competitor sure as hell will so you are effectively forced to.

RantyAnty · 29/10/2023 23:54

I don't allow it either.

I have an older relative that has it on constantly and they're very anxious and fearful about most things.

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