Pre schooler friend choice

[Witchy996]

My DC is almost 4 and only has 1 friend outside of nursery. They've struggled to make connections with other children at nursery. The only 2 children that they do play with are non verbal and have speech delay/ asd. Their friend outside of nursery also has potential SEN. I'm just wondering if anyone elses DC only had friends with SEN. I haven't considered they might have SEN too but wondered if their friend choice means anything. I don't care who they play with as they are happy and that's all that counts but wondered if anyone's else DC only played with SEN kids and turned out to have SEN themselves?

Sen children automatically find each other I don't know how but they do, my little girl at nursery was frequently playing along side 4 other children by the time they had all finished nursery all of them had diagnosis of various degrees.

Not so much as eldest DD seeks similar to her younger sister or they gravitate towards her. Mutual understanding?

@Totaly Interesting. They do have a younger sibling who has only just started saying their first words. I did wonder if it was maybe a power thing as they are used to being in charge IYSWIM

My eldest DS only has one friend. He's just started his second year of preschool as he's August born but we didn't feel he was ready for school yet. Friends with children the same age as him would talk about how their child spoke about people and friends and school as DS didn't speak about anyone. Very glad we made the decision we did.

His one friend is a little boy who he's grown up with as they've been with the same childminder for 3 years.

I do worry about how he'll adapt to school next year (his little buddy is in a different primary school catchment). He does seem a lot like me unfortunately, I suspect he will struggle a bit with making friends and fitting in. I just hope he has at least one other child to be friends with.

I'm on the waitlist for an ASD and ADHD assessment and have come to realise that the people I click with tend to have many ND attributes if not a diagnosis. I struggle in standard mainstream social settings. So there could be something in it.

I probably wouldn't try to overthink it though, so long as your DS is happy that's the main thing.

We've got some concerns about eldest DS from a ND point of view. But we've agreed that we wouldn't change anything unless he struggled at school. So we're just going to wait it out and see how he gets one when he does start.

My AuDHD daughter seems to gravitate towards other ADHD kids

Birds of a feather flock together

@Witchy996 Many Dc don’t really make friends at nursery. They play alongside other dc but don’t have great feelings toward them. Parents often direct friendships. Many gravitate towards “people like us”. If you did this and choreographed friends, there would be different outcomes. Once Dc get stronger personalities, and find Dc who have similar interests, they make friends. They find DC who like what they do.

Also some Dc lead play but others are happy to follow. Leaders tend to have more friction with friends. There’s competition for leadership roles. Followers are often much more amenable and get along with others more readily. At the age you are talking about, DC haven’t made clear choices and not certainly not informed choices. They haven’t evaluated interests. enjoyment of games, how bright Dc are etc.

You could invite a variety of dc round to play. Have a look at how they play together. Do you know other parents?