Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Children being taught swearwords by cousins

23 replies

Anonymouse789 · 28/10/2023 20:35

AIBU? So we've just been to a family party with all of my husbands brothers, their wives, his mother, grandmother, and all the grandkids. The boy grandkids went off to play on video games in the front room. 2 of my children were in there. I popped my head around the door to see where my youngest had gone(he's 18 months and just starting to talk). He was in there but was just watching the boys play.

As I turned to leave I overheard one of the other boys (my children's cousin) say "I'm going to teach him to say the f word". I went in and recovered my children and told them we were leaving-it was past their bedtime anyway. I went back to find my husband who was sitting chatting at the table and asked if we could leave to get the kids to bed. I felt quite rude but I was so upset about what I heard.

This isn't the first time I've been disgusted by what I've heard them say on similar occasions. The last time I caught the same cousin humping (with clothes on and in a jokey playfighty way) another boy cousin saying "I'm going to rape you". He's 9, my kids are 8,6 and 1.5.

what should I have done? I don't feel comfortable telling off other peoples children. I also don't want to cause a rift in the family. I swear, I get it. But if I overheard my children talking like that I would be utterly disgusted and I'd make sure they knew it was wrong to say things like that, especially in front of younger children. (There was also 6 & 5 year olds in there.)

if they are happy with their children behaving like that, it's up to them. But I don't want to expose my children to that ever again. It's made family occasions really awkward and stressful. They are a very close family and I don't want to upset anyone, but no way is it happening again. Am I overreacting? All the other cousins are lovely, it's just the boys from that particular family. Do I refuse to go? Do I go but not allow my kids to play with said cousins?? Do I grow some balls and speak to the parents?? Help!!

OP posts:
sunshineandshowers40 · 28/10/2023 20:52

I was ready to say that YABU but after reading YANBU. What did your DH say? Are you close to the boys parents and would you feel comfortable speaking to them about this? How often do you see them? I would probably try and distance myself and my DC from them.

EmptyYoghurtPot · 28/10/2023 20:52

Grow some balls and talk to the parents - or better still ask your husband to do it as they are his family. Regardless of what language they use at school they need to be told that there is a time and place when that is not acceptable. In school for example. Plus it seems that the nephew knew what he was doing was wrong as he was going to purposely tell your son the f word.

AndrewGarfieldsLaptop · 28/10/2023 20:56

Sorry but surely this is a right of passage with kids?

MrsRainMac · 28/10/2023 20:58

Kids teaching other kids to swear wouldn’t bother me. The rape comment would, but I’d assume the child has heard about rape somewhere and not quite understood what it means. I’d definitely tell the parents about that comment, just so they can have an age appropriate conversation with the child about the meaning of the word and the context it should be used in.

ColleenDonaghy · 28/10/2023 21:02

The rape comment is awful, but surely teaching the f-word is what older cousins are for. Grin The 8 yo will surely not be far off hearing it on the playground, and probably already has.

readingmakesmehappy · 28/10/2023 21:03

I wouldn't be leaving my kids with them without adult supervision

EmptyYoghurtPot · 28/10/2023 21:05

AndrewGarfieldsLaptop · 28/10/2023 20:56

Sorry but surely this is a right of passage with kids?

The 9 year old with the 8 year old, yes but not with the baby!

Anonymouse789 · 28/10/2023 21:05

The 8 year old probably has heard it, but I've never heard him say it and would definitely pull him up on it if I did. The cousin was teaching the 1.5 year old who is just starting to talk. Not keen on having "fuck" being one of his first words 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Hankunamatata · 28/10/2023 21:06

The swear word thing wouldn't both me. Bit if an overreaction to sweep out.

The rape thing, yikes. Why didn't you reprimand and take straight to parents

Anonymouse789 · 28/10/2023 21:09

He said I can't really moan about it without saying something to the parents. He works with the father, I see them maybe once a month sometimes less but there are lots of family occasions. The mother is quite sensitive which is why I'm a bit scared of saying anything to her, ironically she would say I'm being the sensitive one x

OP posts:
BrokenWoken · 28/10/2023 21:12

I definitely wouldn't want a 9 year old teaching my 18m old to say fuck and the 'I'm going to rape you comment' is really out of order.

Daisybuttercup12345 · 28/10/2023 21:13

AndrewGarfieldsLaptop · 28/10/2023 20:56

Sorry but surely this is a right of passage with kids?

Pretending to rape someone at the age of 9?

Autumnvibes23 · 28/10/2023 21:18

I wouldn't leave my 18 month old unattended personally. The games may not be suitable for a start. But the swearing around the older DC wouldn't worry me.

The 'rape' thing is quite another matter and very concerning. I'm surprised your DH hasn't said anything. I'd want to know if it was my DC. And if it was my nephew I'd care enough to say something.

AndrewGarfieldsLaptop · 28/10/2023 21:24

Fucking hell didn't read the rape part, sorry everyone

BrokenWoken · 28/10/2023 21:29

Anonymouse789 · 28/10/2023 21:09

He said I can't really moan about it without saying something to the parents. He works with the father, I see them maybe once a month sometimes less but there are lots of family occasions. The mother is quite sensitive which is why I'm a bit scared of saying anything to her, ironically she would say I'm being the sensitive one x

The way I see it is like this - there are 3 options: either you put up with this family and their unruly 9-year-old knowing that every time they're with your kids, there's a huge risk of the 9-year-old being up to no good doing things, or suggesting weird, and to be frank, psychologically inappropriate things for a 9-year-old, to want to do to a 8 year old and 18m old. Whether he's joking or not, it is not a healthy or right environment for your kids to be left in to 'play'.

The other choice would be to have words with the parents, although it does seem that you don't want to be confrontational so there's always the third option to adistance yourself.

WonderfulCheese · 28/10/2023 21:30

Awful. If I could wave a magic wand over the world I'd stop all wars and stop people swearing in front of children. For me it's a respect thing and I feel things slide after that.

Springwillcome · 28/10/2023 21:41

You need to tell the parents, especially about the rape comment. You’re doing them a favour as they need to seriously improve their parenting asap or that boy will be a nightmare teenager.

It doesn’t have to be a big conversation. I’d send a text. “Hi X, this is a bit awkward but something happened I thought you’d want to be aware of. I saw your son X humping Y and saying “I’m going to rape you.” Also on a different occasion he was trying to teach my baby to say the F word. Thought you would want to know. Best wishes xx”

UpaladderwatchingTV · 28/10/2023 22:40

Personally, as their aunt I would have felt perfectly entitled to pull the boy who talked about rape to one side and ask him what it meant. If he's going to use that word, then he needs to know the meaning of it, and to be told how inappropriate it is. I would have also said something like 'Freddie, if I hear you teaching my little one bad language, I'l be washing your mouth out with soap', but then I'm the old fashioned sort, and believe that it's the job of any adult to correct children, if their parent's aren't present. After all, if he'd been going to hit your child, or cut him with a knife, would you have just picked up your LO and walked away, or would you have told him off firmly and taken him to his parents and told them what he'd been about to do? I guess it comes down to the idea that we all used to believe in, about it taking a village to raise a child. Just my thoughts, but someone on here is bound to say that I shouldn't upset little Freddie, as he was only playing/joking.

WhateverMate · 28/10/2023 22:45

This isn't the first time I've been disgusted by what I've heard them say on similar occasions. The last time I caught the same cousin humping (with clothes on and in a jokey playfighty way) another boy cousin saying "I'm going to rape you". He's 9, my kids are 8,6 and 1.5.

And you left your kids including a baby in a room with them at a party?

Createausername1970 · 28/10/2023 22:56

The swearing part is annoying but to be expected.

The rape comment I would be concerned about. So I think I would send a friendly message to the mum, along the lines of "good to see you all at the weekend, but I thought you might want to know I overheard Freddie telling Bobby that he was going to rape him. I don't suppose for a moment that Freddie actually knows what he was saying, but it could get him into trouble if he said it at school. Just thought you might want to know so you could nip it in the bud. See you soon xx"

Anonymouse789 · 28/10/2023 22:59

My baby had only just wandered in less than a minute before I went to get him. My children have played with said child in a different situation since that occasion, with adults close by in the garden and it was fine. It seems that in this particular situation with all cousins together it's a case of showing off to try and provoke a reaction. My children will definitely never be in this situation again, and dh is going to speak to the father.

OP posts:
Unexpectedlysinglemum · 29/10/2023 08:39

The rape comment is very concerning. Where has he heard about rape? This could be a safeguarding concern either him or school friends might have experienced or seen something inappropriate. His parents need to know so that they can explore - that's not 'normal' sexualized behaviour (look up the brook traffic light system).

I also wouldn't leave my children unattended with them. They might just want them to swear this time but what else might they encourage your dc to do for entertainment next time? If anyone in the family asks why you're hovering I would tell them exactly what you've told us here x

PinkGaspardJumper · 29/10/2023 08:42

slow fade it, ASAP

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread