ASD/ADHD - could do with a hug and glass of wine to be honest

[Softplayismysecondhome]

My almost 4yr old DS has been diagnosed with autism and ADHD. Sits under at what was known as Asperger’s umbrella (sorry I advance probably getting the terminology totally wrong, no offence intended). He’s beautiful, he’s clever, he’s so, so loving. But also so different to other children his age. My mind races constantly worrying about how school will be, how life will be. Preschool keep fucking up his EHCP assessment request so it keeps getting delayed which is another stress.
I would really like to hear honestly how school and life is for a child with my sons type of presentation, and ways I can help him if he is struggling emotionally etc, but also I guess I really want someone to tell me their son is autistic but is also happily married, good social life, has a job they enjoy etc.
also if anyone can give their experiences with ADHD medication and in what ways they helped if so?
Thanks xx

Hi. Tbh I’m not convinced he does have ADHD, it was just mentioned as an afterthought really at his ASD diagnosis appointment. As it doesn’t seem to be impacting him and given waiting lists etc we have left it. To me he seems to have way fewer ADHD traits than my other son who as far as we know is NT!

If you have the right support it will be fine. Do the ehcna request yourself, read the Ipsea website thoroughly, don't give a shit about upsetting people who fob you off/are failing to follow the law, learn to appeal at Tribunal. Don't assume having an EHCP is enough, you need to ensure it covers everything and is properly written. Be prepared to enforce it. No one will fight for your child like you do.

Thankyou again everyone for your replies and sharing your experiences, those whose children have had ADHD meds - great to hear they were helpful, what would you say was the most noticeable change? I have this (ignorant) fear that meds could change his personality/dull his personality which I obviously don’t want.

I have a meeting with the SENCO at the school he is likely to attend when he starts next year - does anyone have any suggestions of things I can request to help him have as smooth a transition as possible? Thankyou xx

Start by asking the SENCO what they currently provide / have recently provided for children with ASD and ADHD. Ask what they suggest.

Based on my DS and what has helped - or would have helped - him, I'd say you need one or two visits to school before the summer holidays. Ideally you'd start with a relaxed visit allowing him a bit of time with the reception teacher and/or TA - perhaps outside the school day eg afterwards when it's a bit quieter. For my child it helped for him to see the classroom, the playground, the toilets, the lunch hall etc. Then if possible a second visit maybe with a small group of children also due to start reception. Anyway, see what their usual arrangements are (for all children and for those who may need extra support with transitions) and think about what would suit your child.

Hi OP

My husband has ADHD combined . We have been married for 25 years and have brought our children up . We have a good marriage

The main challenges we have faced have been around his emotional dysregulation as this was never dealt with through childhood so he never learnt to manage his extreme reactions to situations . I know if I could turn back the clock for him I would want his coping strategies to have begun in childhood. Keep fighting for support for him . .

OP its very overwhelming in the beginning. Personally I didn't do much research for older ages as it was too much, we just tried to take each day or each phase as it came. Everyone with ASD or ADHD is as unique as NT people so other peoples good or bad stories don't really mean much, so bear that in mind.

I have DS with autism and ADHD and another with Aspergers. By far the child with Aspergers is easier to deal with, he is highly intelligent and funny. He speaks like an adult and i have the best chats with him. He is 10. The way his mind works fascinates me and although constant listening him talking about his specialist subject of the time can be annoying, but I don't mind mostly and he is the best company. He was bullied for a while at school but thankfully thats eased now. That was by far the biggest issue we ever had. He is obsessed with technology, thats quite typical Aspergers. I don't know what the future holds, he already told me he will be renting a flat in NYC working in graphic design, so lets see how that goes!

My other DS now 15 was difficult from the start. Never slept, fussy eater, slow toilet training, constant flight risk and very obviously hyper. The early years with him were the worst, by about 5 he calmed a lot. He is annoying, butting into conversations or cutting across people but he is extremely confident and will strike up a conversation with anyone anywhere. He recently went to a big city on his own to meet a cousin, navigated the airport and underground system alone etc. He is a very good student and does well socially in the broader sense, but finds it hard to make close friends as they get tired of him. He can be nasty at home, a lot of this is taking the mask off at home time, and this for me is the most stressful part.

Hope that helps a little OP. MN is full of parents of children with SEN so you will get loads of help here, there are constant threads on this type of thing that are really insightful.

@Softplayismysecondhome We’ve found meds incredible and ds is still his lovely sparky self

We have a meds thread running https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4800866-starting-adhd-medication-and-staying-on-it-ongoing-support-thread-for-newbies-and-experts-including-medikinet-equasym-concerta-strattera-and-others?

Might be a good read!