Upsides of having DC later

[Sleepybuny]

I am looking for some upsides of having DC later in life like after 35. All my friends had DC in late twenties and I am around 35 and going to have DC. I am still at baby stage while friends seem to have more independence now that their DC are in school progressing to secondary.
Though I feel I have managed to go up in the career ladder and will be able to further progress my career as I didn't had any career break etc and we have managed to build a property portfolio as we didn't had big expenses like childcare fees etc for multiple DCs.
Can you share some upsides of having DC at 35+.

More self-confidence and life skills, better financial position, lots of friends with older kids to turn to for advice.

Whilst I wish I could have had mine earlier because then I'd (statistically) be around for them longer, these are my positives:

• established career in an industry allowing me to return to the same level once I'm done at home
• money more to do activities with them and get any baby things (although for the environment I get almost all of it second hand)
• life experience and observing what has and hasn't worked re tips coping and parenting for all friends and family who had babies in their 20s and 30s
• husband earning enough to pay me a pension
• old enough to know SM is to be taken with a pinch of salt and not set myself up to feel a failure
• can afford to start pensions for my little ones

Sure there are more but am nap trapped and have brain fog!

Myself and DH have both said we don't miss anything from life before kids and put this down to being late 30s when we had them. Way past going out and already travelled, been to festivals etc. So not sitting here thinking I wished I'd done xyz, this is what we want be doing and we are really enjoying our young children. Don't get me wrong it's still nice to get a break now and then 😆 could also add they are keeping us active into our 40s, climbing in the soft play etc!

I had mine at 34 and 36 bit my dh was over 40.

The biggest benefit was financial- we both had established careers, savings, pensions, could afford a family home. I stopped work for 5 years whilst they were young but because I'd already established a career it was very straightforward to get back into work when I was ready to.

Other than financial, for me, the biggest benefit was that I'd done a load of travel, lived abroad etc, that was on my bucket list so I was ready to settle down and swap romantic weekends away and backpacking for nappies and trips to the park and camping on the south coast. I didn't feel like I was sacrificing anything (although I was very pleased when the kids were old enough to backpack).

Financial was why we waited. I didn't want to have to work until they were at pre-school so we saved like mad before we ttc.

We were lucky that we were able to though as we lost a baby between DC1 and 2 and so I was over 40 by the time DC2 arrived.

I was more established in my career
My mortgage had shrunk to almost nothing
I had savings to cover maternity leave
I was more confident and more resourceful
I was more competent at cooking/caring/general house stuff
I'd already had lots of lovely overseas holidays and got past that
My friends & siblings already had children so I could call on advice if I needed it

We had children later and there are so many upsides.

Financial, all our pensions established and we're in a good financial position.

Life experience, we literally travelled the world, visiting loads of places, enjoyed luxury hotels, went to festivals. Lived a very full life before having kids! which means I've already done most of my travel list and have no real desire to jet off to anywhere It makes me more content and settled.

More confidence in myself as a parent.

Career established, so went back at a higher level. Less struggling to pay nursery fees.

DH is 59 and has a 14yo from a previous relationship. His ex is same age. She has found it very hard being close to retirement while still having a teenager at school. She has two older DC, not with him.

I had my 4th at 40 and I have found it's more enjoyable. The priorities are different since I already went through the phase of overworking. I find life is more balanced and l have a better sense of how time flies so I enjoy the moment in a way I couldn't at 25.

This is very personal spending on a person’s circumstances but for me:

*travelled a lot with partner without a child

• lots of time together as a couple, getting to know each other at different stages of life (together 8 years before child)

*more money, already bought a house, life savings and further along in career

• more life experience and opinions based off life experience, more time to see how others have raised kids and what we did or didn’t like about those ways

• over partying and getting drunk, not bothered about missing out on nights out

Money, wisdom, money.

You are more confident in yourself. Possibly financially much more secure. Some of the parents of my DCs classmates are only just getting around to buying their first home and possibly having to move area . I'm quite happy to sit at home and enjoy family time (like right now we are watching a movie and eating treats) . I don't feel I've missed out on anything at all as we had lovely holidays and lots of time together before our DC. I ended up becoming a sahm a few years after DC2 was born but if we'd had children in our twenties or early thirties that would never ever ever have been an option. Also I find you appreciate the small things in life more as you get older.

I had mine at 36 and 38. Can't imagine doing it much younger. I was a far more confident person at 36 than 26. Far more able to advocate for myself, to be able to easily make acquaintances when I wanted to at baby related things and generally be pretty relaxed about a lot of things I suspect I'd have stressed out about more if I'd done it in my 20s.

For me the main positive is that if I had had them younger, I would have had children with my ex husband. We tried for years but it didn't happen for us, which turned out to be a blessing in disguise for me. I went on to have my children at 34 and 36.

These are things I've found for our family - I am NOT saying younger parents haven't also been able to have these things, this is simply our experience.

We have a large house easily able to accommodate everyone/ have fun extras like a den for the kids (which I'm imagining will become a fetted room for teenagers when they're older), private bathroom for kids and us etc.

Private school for the children.

Enough money for extras for the kids activities/ days out etc, and DH and I haven't had to compromise hugely on hobbies/ dinners out and things.

I am much more comfortable in my own skin now, and with who I am. I am calmer, happier, less 'keen to impress' others, which I think makes me a better role for my children.

I now have a much wiser head on my shoulders. I don't get upset as easily/ I'm more regulated.

I had my 20's to have my responsibility free years -DH and I travelled loads, pleased ourselves for a whole decade (we married very young!!), so I don't have any regrets or pangs that I've missed out on life experiences - I now have the opposite of FOMO!

My husband and I know each other inside out and back to front. We grew together through our first decade and a bit of marriage, we were so certain that the other was 'our' person before having children. There's been no surprises, no letting each other down when the DC arrived, just an even stronger sense of being a team and doing something amazing together.

Our choice to have children later on was very deliberate - I feel my children and I met each other at exactly the right time in our lives, I've never regretted not having them sooner.

There will be a million positives to having kids younger as well - there's no right or wrong answer :) you've made the right decision for you, therefore it's the right decision for everyone.

Good luck!

We had DC later in life, we had a great time in our twenties, festivals and travelling.

Then, when we had DC, we both had established career’s earning good money, we’d had a great time in our twenties and were ready to settle down so it was perfect for us. We’ve had money to give the DC lovely experiences, to travel and to have a lovely home. I wouldn’t have done it any other way.