To think my husband is acting like a petulant child

26 replies

Feelingdeflated1 · 28/10/2023 17:32

Little background. Two young children and since having the second our sex life has been hit and miss. DS doesn't sleep (he's one now), and I think the threat of being interrupted at any moment plus my hormones (I'm still breastfeeding) are really not getting me in the mood. It's not to say we never have sex but definitely not as much as my husband would like.
I still need/want affection though but he suggests cuddles etc. are boring. What he doesn't seem to get (despite me saying so) is that a bit of non-sexual contact would actually help get me in the mood
Anyway, to the actual AIBU. Last night he was watching sports on TV and I was in the other room. He came in and started cuddling me but then just started having a cheeky grope of my boobs. Ordinarily this wouldn't bother me but I just wasn't in the mood and said I wasn't a piece of meat. He's basically been sulking ever since! I've tried to talk to him but he just says he's tired/there's nothing to say. I said something about just wanting some love and he said he didn't want any. Maybe he's genuinely just tired but I feel like he's basically sulking because he wants sex more than I do and it just all came to a bit of a head (no pun intended) last night. I just feel like our relationship is just so rocky at the moment. The tiredness is absolutely killing things between us anyway and us having very different sex drives at the moment is causing so much aggro.
I just feel really sad and alone. He'd never force himself on me but it seems he's just as miserable because he's not getting enough and I just don't know what to do. I just really need a cuddle and he's basically pushed me away all day and it really hurts.

OP posts:

mathanxiety · 29/10/2023 14:35

Feelingdeflated1 · 28/10/2023 18:56

Thanks, some helpful, reassuring comments.

I should clarify, I do enjoy sex and it's not like we are going months without it or anything. It's just bloody rough at the moment with little ones sleep. I cannot put into words how exhausted I am. He's tired too but I think that's another issue that I do all the night getting up, he'll say well he wasn't sleeping either but he hasn't been up and down out of bed umpteen times. That just winds me up.

I completely get the comments that I can't expect him to do as I want if I'm not doing as he wants. It's a fair comment. I suppose my issue, and I have said this to him, is that if perhaps we had a snuggle on the sofa for example and some closeness then I'd probably be up for more. It's when he just comes and randomly cops a feel and wonders why I get pissed off

I've tried several times today to talk to him and ask him what's wrong but he just says there's nothing to say. I'm too tired to have a rational conversation now anyway so I think I'll just go to bed once kids are down and hope for a better night and then a proper conversation tomorrow.

Tell him you're too tired for a rational conversation.

When you do sit down to talk, don't ask him what's wrong. Own your own feelings here, and open your conversation with, "Here's the problem..."

Stop him immediately when he tries to tell you 'he's tired too'. That is in fact him telling you your expectations don't matter and his do.

Tell him it's not a competition, and you expect him to accept what you're saying when you say you are emotionally and physically exhausted, not dismiss it as a way of pressuring you to 'give him a go with your body'. Your body is not a playground.

You need to tell him that when he cops a feel at a time when you were thinking he was finally understanding your needs, he is alienating you in a serious way.

You're not expected to have sex if you don't feel like it. Anyone here who has suggested that has not made a fair point. They've told you that your husband is entitled to have sex with you whenever he wants it.

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