To wonder if some parents stop bothering with non-parent friends?

[Pollysgotacracker]

I completely understand that they've got a lot more to bond over with fellow parents, however I still think it's a shame. I had a friend who I've known for over 20 years, she has an 18 month old daughter now, I don't yet have any children but I'd really like to.

Anyway, as far as I can see me and this friend (who are also part of a group of friends) have always got on well and have a good chat and so on. I'd say in the last several years we've become a little different as she and her husband are on a much higher income than me and my partner are, and I suppose personal tastes have changed. I don't think this should matter, it doesn't on my side anyway.

When her baby was born I was very supportive, and I've shown a lot of interest in her, because I wanted to. I haven't seen her baby since she was around 7 months old and can't recognise her from the photos (I mean figuratively speaking)
I haven't seen this friend in almost a year. Until around 3 months ago, I made several attempts to meet her both individually and as part of a group, she was always saying oh I can't because I have X event that day, but never offering alternatives. I completely understand that having a baby changes your life, however I saw she was still doing other things.

I always offered to go round to where she lives/to her home to make things easy for her, even if I only pop in for half an hour.
I don't feel that I was pushy, but I'd say around 5 attempts over 9 months have been rebuffed.

I decided to leave her to it and move on, and stopped using the group chat as I could tell it was dying and most people had moved on. I never said anything offensive or implied I was upset, I just moved on.

I've started a new career and she never got in contact or said congratulations or anything. She's never asked how I'm doing. I get occasional 'likes' on photos for whatever reason.

She's recently posted pictured of her on outings with mum friends and their babies/toddlers, and she did the same around a month or two ago.
I have no intention of contacting her again, I know people are perfectly entitled to do this. I haven't contacted her for several months now and I'm focusing on meeting new people.

I do wonder if it's because I don't have children and she feels she can't relate anymore, which is odd as I've always worked with children and babies and I love them really. Sorry this turned into a very long post, it does hurt when it's a former close friend of over 20 years, but this is life I suppose. Maybe it's nothing to do with the child situation but who knows.

I think it goes both ways. I had a couple of friends who stopped bothering with me and my DS after 6 months. I wasn't expecting them to come and see me and the baby every time, was still happy to go out but they just stopped inviting me. It is a shame but I've realised (with them at least) it's nothing personal, they seem to only want friends who are convenient.

I completely understand that you’re hurting right now, OP. It’s a bit shit, really.

Personally, I’d look for the bright side in this. My own experience as a childfree person is that I’m really quite happy for friends to lose themselves in “babyland” for a few years, and then I’ll pick back up with them when they emerge on the other side. I’ve got no interest in babies or toddlers, nor do I want to talk about them much either. I’ll go round if I’m invited, and do all the cooing and meet the baby things, but I’m not fussed, really.

Once they hit about 4/5 years old, and they can chat a bit, and I can join friends at soft play or the park, I’ll happily come along and charge round with the kids (because they’re fun now), plus your friends start to reclaim parts of themselves that they’d lost for a bit. I’m happy for them to focus on themselves and mum friends for a bit, and catch them down the line.

Also, I’ve definitely invested a lot of time into cultivating friendships with people about 10-15 years older than me, as theirs are usually teenagers by then! So they’re either totally back to adult socialising activities, or I spend time with them and their teens, and teens are largely awesome and interesting imo.

So I suppose my advice is, try to look on the bright side that often they return later, and you won’t have had to spend time hearing all about baby stuff all the time, and try to cultivate friendships with different people in the meantime. But if you feel that this particular one is just being a bit of a dick, then try to find peace with that and drop her.

Yeah, I think unfortunately with this particular friend it goes beyond that. Even if she can't physically meet up she can still send a quick message or something like that.
It's life anyway, hoping to make new connections soon. Thanks for the advice.

My experience is the opposite. My non parent friends stopped inviting me out because they assumed I wouldn't be able to come, or they didn't want me to turn up with my kids. I tried very hard to keep in touch with all my friends but I lost a few along the way who weren't interested in even meeting my kids.