To be deeply regretting this move

[gothicomedy]

DH and I decided to downsize a year ago. We moved from a four bedroom house in a mature suburb with a mixed age group to a two bed in a newer estate about two miles away.
I feel like I'm living in a different world. There are gangs of really badly behaved children constantly causing trouble eg trespassing and refusing to move when asked, climbing up on top of the communal wooden bin sheds and jumping up and down until the wood starts to break, taking stuff out of the bins and throwing it around the green areas, playing football until all hours with lots of shouting and bad language. The parents are either dismissive or annoyed when complaints are made; if you tell their children off directly they accuse you of upsetting them; the children themselves are cheeky and rude and seem to have no respect for anyone.
Some of the teenagers are worse; hanging around smoking weed and drinking and making a racket into the small hours. Again, their parents seem to do nothing about it.

While there was ocassionally a loud party or someone slamming car doors late at night or the odd barbecue going on until 1 or 2 in the morning where we used to live, the residents in general seemed to have more respect and consideration for everyone.

The estate we're living in now is not a rough or deprived one. It's very middle class. A lot of these kids go to private schools etc. but their parents seem to indulge or overlook their anti social behaviour.

I really wish we hadn't moved and we are seriously considering looking for somewhere small in a more mixed age area, despite the expense of moving again.

AIBU or should we just cut our losses and move?

Could you return to a smaller place in your previous area? I think you will just cause yourself a lot of heartache if you go down the path of filming people, making formal complaints etc. Best just to move on and get on with enjoying life.

Absolutely @VickyEadieofThigh. my parents, who were seasoned house movers always did this and visiting at different times of the day to see what traffic was like, and chatting to a few neighbours and to the local corner shop owner (this was a while ago now!). There was one peaceful lane of houses where they looked at one empty and pristine property during the day, but going back at nighttime “peaceful and quiet” became somehow more threatening. They noticed cars pulling up to the equally pristine house right next door to the one they were keen on and a succession of people picking up small packages and handing over cash at the door. Just a very different feel to 10am on a sunny day!

When I move house, I always ask a taxi driver what the area is like

@gothicomedy

The problem is that you've moved to an estate where young'ish families can afford to buy. That means a plethora of kids and teenagers. It doesn't sound suitable for you, especially if you came from a four bed in a leafy suburb. I would definitely move or you will be driven mad. But next time avoid housing estates and maybe try to do a bit of research.

No I'm not. This isn't a 'starter home' estate. It is a mixture of 2,3 and 4 bedroom houses with the 4 bedroom houses costing close to a million pounds. I can assure you that most of these children come from well off homes and are privately educated. That doesn't stop their parents from being irresponsible, negligent and inconsiderate.

A million pounds wouldn't buy much of a house or many years of school fees where I live - but assuming this is true, and your local yobs are all independently educated: you must be able to find out very easily which schools they go to, and it would be perfectly easy to complain to the schools. I know there's a MN code of "it didn't happen at school, therefore it isn't a school problem", but independent schools are different - they don't want bad publicity and would be very interested to hear about bad behaviour from children who are known locally to attend their schools.

I say this from the pov of someone who has no experience of state schools and has only ever experienced the independent sector (both as a former pupil and a former parent).

A million pounds wouldn't buy much of a house or many years of school fees where I live

It would buy 25 years of education at Eton so I really can’t imagine where you live.

YANBU in that scenario - regretting a move because you're not sure you like the house and it'll take a lot of work is something that can be got past and controlled. These problems aren't in your control and are making you miserable, so I would aim to move on, but I would say take your time to find the right place.

One of the reasons I would never buy a house in a big housing development.

Directly you have lots of similarly aged children in one area you get large groups of kids with very little to do. Doesn’t matter what school they go to at that point. If they are being allowed to wander enmasse late into the night something antisocial will happen.

Monaco?

I bought a small ground floor flat in an area that was known for being trouble but has a strong community action group so looks fairly decent. It was all i could afford to get on the property ladder. The first night there were kids hanging out in the bike shed attached to my flat I could hear everything going on. I regretted buying it from the very first night. Lasted a few years the anti social behaviour by the kids on the estate escalated to blatant drug dealing, stealing, setting fire to the bin sheds that damaged the neighbouring flats etc. The leaseholder eventually installed gates on all the alleyways, sheds etc but the kids still used to cause trouble. I sold the flat for less then I paid because I was desperate to leave.

I looked it up on rightmove recently it is generally sold on every two years and is currently under offer for the same price I paid for it 15 years ago. I don't regret taking the loss and getting out of there at all. I was constantly anxious while I was there

Move, Op. Good luck.

Er...

5 years at Eton (basic fees, no extras) costs around £260k for one boy at the current rates.

The annual fees have gone up around £9k since my first son started there 8 years ago, so they will no doubt be going up again.

A 3 bed semi where I live is around £1.3-1.5m.

Yes move as soon as you can!

I moved within 17 months once because of neighbors and I was very careful about the next home.

I would move. Or can you rent it out and buy somewhere else?

There are private schools that aren’t Eton. If that’s your experience then yes, you’re going to think that owning a million pound home is basically the poverty line. Try to think a little bit outside of your own circle.

Loving how people are trying to dismiss the Op saying that the troublesome kids are privately educated and not to trying to infer that they must be from social housing lol! OP, the worse neighbours I had was on a private estate like what you describe with privately educated children .Absolute vandals so they were and their parents left them to their own devices night after night to run around causing havoc(several families). I now live in a basic street with ex council/council housing and the kids are great and never get any bother. I would move . You won't sort it unfortunately.

@GreatShaker What is your point? Most people do not send their children to private school.Even so called "cheaper" ones. You are very much in the tiny privileged minority.

I'd move again

Move. I have never lived on an estate but DW has and she says wild horses would not drag her back to another one.

@justnottrue sounds like you are a tad prejudiced yerself

Someone else mentioned Eton in a response to me, presumably not imagining that my children went there.

You don't know my circumstances at all, so there's no point jumping to conclusions.

I said a three-bed semi where I live costs over a million pounds, because it's true. I didn't say I lived in one, though.

All right - 20 years. Your assertion that £1 million doesn’t buy many years of private education is still bollocks.

Life is too short to be unhappy where you live.
I’d move if possible

Fine, whatever.