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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you go out for dinner with a heavy cold?

29 replies

C1239 · 28/10/2023 12:07

Meant to be going out for dinner tonight, around 15 of us, a range of age groups. I’ve had a heavy cold all week which still hasn’t shifted. What is the right etiquette? If I feel a bit better later should I make the effort and go or would it be selfish to go and others would probably catch it from me? I hate cancelling plans, it is just a cold but feeling quite rubbish with it but don’t want to not go!

OP posts:
IncompleteSenten · 28/10/2023 12:08

No I wouldn't.
I wouldn't enjoy myself and I'm fairly sure it wouldn't be pleasant for the other diners either with me there sniffing and coughing and blowing my nose all evening.

Catsmere · 28/10/2023 12:09

Absolutely not. You're still contagious, you'll put everyone else off and you won't get much enjoyment from the dinner yourself.

OutsideEveryday · 28/10/2023 12:09

All depends how unwell you are I think. If you’re right at the end of it and feeling ok then maybe go and just don’t hug or kiss anyone. If you feel crap though you might not enjoy it so think it’s reasonable to say you’re feeling too poorly to go. Take care x

DisplayPurposesOnly · 28/10/2023 12:09

Feeling rubbish = stay home

IncompleteSenten · 28/10/2023 12:10

Also, it's actually better that it's a group of 15 rather than just a couple of people because it means the night won't be ruined if one person doesn't go iyswim.

trader21c · 28/10/2023 12:10

I wouldn’t either

Catsmere · 28/10/2023 12:12

There's also the matter of how a cold will affect others who catch it. I caught my first cold for years in June. The post-viral cough lasted three months and now I'm probably permanently on asthma medication (lifelong asthmatic but never needed meds before). The cold itself wasn't even that heavy. Please don't do this.

TattyOne · 28/10/2023 12:23

I've got a stinker of a cold at the moment and can barely ''human'' let along go for dinner!

Original poster
C1239 · 28/10/2023 12:25

I know you are all right, I don’t think I’m going to go, I just feel bad if I ever have to cancel plans and worry it’s only a cold I should crack on with it!

OP posts:
MrsSkylerWhite · 28/10/2023 12:27

No. Had our Covid boosters yesterday. Nurse told us latest variant is rife and is making even people who’ve never been particularly bothered by other strains very unwell. You could have Covid and lots of people are still vulnerable.

Frenchfancy · 28/10/2023 12:28

I wouldn't go. You won't enjoy it and no-one will thank you for sharing.

Stay home and get well soon.

SerenChocolateMuncher · 28/10/2023 12:28

If you have had it all week you probably aren't infectious anymore. If you feel well enough to go and want to go, dose up with analgesia and sudafed and go.

margotrose · 28/10/2023 12:29

No. It would just be miserable.

Maddy70 · 28/10/2023 12:32

It's horrible having someone sniffing and coughing when you're eating. It would put me straight off my food. You won't be able to taste it or enjoy the company either, let alone give them all your germs

I would cancel. It's just a meal

ComtesseDeSpair · 28/10/2023 12:36

I’d stay at home if I didn’t feel well, no point dragging yourself out and not enjoying yourself very much. If I felt fine but was just full of cold I’d go, none of my friends are bothered about a few germs.

TomatoSandwiches · 28/10/2023 12:38

No I wouldn't go, stay at home and rest up.

Cadenza12 · 28/10/2023 12:39

Obviously you should cancel, you won't be thanked for turning up.

PinkflowersWhiteBerries · 28/10/2023 12:39

Please stay home and get yourself well. You don’t want to spread your germs, even if it’s just a cold, and chances are you won’t taste the food.

IncompleteSenten · 28/10/2023 13:01

Maddy70 · 28/10/2023 12:32

It's horrible having someone sniffing and coughing when you're eating. It would put me straight off my food. You won't be able to taste it or enjoy the company either, let alone give them all your germs

I would cancel. It's just a meal

And chewing with their mouth open because their nose is totally blocked.

Not pleasant at all.

All2Well · 28/10/2023 13:03

I wouldn't go out of concern for others and I would be annoyed if someone with a heavy cold thought it was fine to show up and pass on their germs to me and potentially my family.

It's only dinner. Just do the right thing and cancel.

cdhmum · 28/10/2023 13:08

It doesn't matter if you "feel a bit better" or not - if you have a cold, don't inflict it on others who may be vulnerable themselves or pass it on to those who are vulnerable.

1983Louise · 28/10/2023 13:50

I've cancelled this weekend due to being ill,I look and sound rough and certainly no-one wants to see me. Cancel, suggle down in your pj's and watch Strictly, hope you feel better soon.

Original poster
C1239 · 28/10/2023 13:53

Thank you everyone, I think I will. Does anyone else feel guilty when they are poorly? Maybe it’s just me!

OP posts:
All2Well · 28/10/2023 14:24

Does anyone else feel guilty when they are poorly?

No, I'd feel dreadfully guilty if I gave an illness to someone else though and that in itself would cancel any guilt about cancelling out.

I know I'd be really grateful to a friend who'd put everyone else first if they cancelled due to infectious illness, maybe try and reframe it that you'd feel worse if you made them and their families ill?

With my friends, even if they didn't get too ill with it, it could mean having to take unpaid time off work either way if their little ones caught it and they got sent home from childcare, another one has a tiny newborn who is just recovering from bronchiolitis and another would have to pay out of her own pocket for carers to go in to her Dad instead of her as he's only just getting over Sepsis and an op, a heavy cold could finish him off. No reason to feel guilty for prioritsing other people (and giving yourself a chance to get better).

cheddercherry · 28/10/2023 16:02

I’d cancel as you never know if the people you’re socialising with can bounce back from a cold like you might be able to. For example my grandma who I do shopping for is vulnerable and I wouldn’t appreciate someone knowingly coming over/ out with me who is currently sick. You can minimise risk in everyday life but less so if it’s directly sat across/ next to you.