To Not Want Her To Visit?

[Friendfoe1]

I left my last job over two years ago now, while working there I had a colleague who was friendly and my DH knew her too. We didn’t socialise outside of work.

After I left we didn’t really stay in touch other than on Facebook where we remained friends.
Out of the blue when she had a problem she was messaging and calling but she never rang for say a friendly chat or showed any interest in my life/problems at all. Then when her issue was resolved I didn’t hear from her again.

She’s recently got back in touch saying that she has been quite unwell and wants to come round to our house to visit. I don’t really want her to come, we weren’t close and I have enough problems of my own without having to worry about hers too.
However I am aware that she lost her sister a while ago and she doesn’t seem to have many friends so I do feel guilty for feeling like this.

AIBU to not want her to come? My DH says we should agree to meet up.

YANBU, she never showed any interest unless she needed something.

I wouldn't allow her into your home, that's a bit intimate.

At a push, I would agree to meet her at a cafe for half hour. Have your excuse ready to leave.

You were not close. Make an excuse and swerve this one.

Jeepers. I barely manage to stay in touch with colleagues I like once I move jobs. I’d definitely just be noncommittal until she gave up. You’re not obliged to support someone you were never particularly close to.

Nope. At best, you could offer to meet her for coffee not near your house but only if it's convenient. You aren't really friends.

Why does she need to come round to yours? surely people who want to meet say something like 'shall we meet for a coffee?', it's very odd that she's inviting herself round yours. Sounds like she has no social awareness, especially with only getting in contact when she needs something.

just say 'so sorry to hear you're not well' and ignore the self-invite.

I recently had a baby so I assume she is thinking it would be difficult for me to meet up elsewhere.

I wouldn't want her to visit either, even with a newborn. She only wants you when she needs something. That's now how it works. Congratulations on your newborn!

I think it's a bit off that she's suddenly inviting herself to your home. How weird. That wouldn't sit right with me and it wouldn't be happening. You are not running a charity, op. You are under no obligation be in touch with her and you should remove her from your social media. Perhaps it's best she's no able to keep tabs on what you're doing.

Thanks for all your replies, I agree with you all that it’s a bit odd. I will say we are busy this weekend.
I guess I just feel a little guilty knowing she is having a tough time alone, she is convinced she has a very serious condition.

Meet for coffee at a cafe

I would tell her you’re busy (getting the baby into a routine etc) or just not reply. I certainly wouldn’t get into the idea of her visiting.

Who dat? Might work

I'm afraid I wouldn't. She's used you in the past and has shown no interest in you. If you do meet up, I would meet up without your husband and see whether she is still as keen.

Meet for a coffee on neutral ground and tell her you can't stay long because you're meeting friends

Boundaries are important because you've ignored yours in the past it's going to be harder to assert them now, this is probably why you're looking negatively on this and can't see anything to gain through any social contact