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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to find this situation odd? Giving a lift

37 replies

Iviry · 27/10/2023 20:21

I‘ll try not to make this confusing.

Colleague lives at village one.

Me and and another colleague (also neighbour) live at village two.

Restaurant is at village three.

It‘s about a ten minute drive between each village, on a straight road. You have to drive through village two to get to village three from village one. It’s too far to walk.

We all had a work social event at the restaurant in village three. I haven’t been out with these women before but wanted to be polite so offered to drive. I said I would pick them both up, but colleague from village one said she would meet us at village two. I presumed she was getting a lift to village two so I didn’t have to drive back on myself to pick her up.

Instead she drove to village two, parked her car and waited for me to pick her up. When I drove us home, I dropped her at her car and she drove the rest of the way home.

AIBU or is this not a bit odd? I offered to be the designated driver and not drink, and was more than happy to pick her up at village one.

What reasons would you have for doing this?

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 27/10/2023 20:59

It is strange. As a pp said she might not have wanted you at hers. She could have just taken you all. Did she want to not be the only one not drinking?

Blueblell · 27/10/2023 21:01

If she was going to do that she might as well have picked you up as it is on her way and you could have had a drink!

Ellie1015 · 27/10/2023 21:15

Lift to yours let her down at the last min. Didnt want to ask you to come for her.

She doesn't drink and didnt consider you would have liked to.

Plans for the morning arranged late.

Hates parking in village 3.

Feels offering for her to drive would be cheeky for some stange reason (eg doesnt trust you to drive).

Who knows, it is a bit annoying she didnt offer to take over driving but you have done your turn at driving will be a while til it comes up again. When it is make sure you would rather have a drink if possible.

CharlieCoCo · 27/10/2023 21:16

I would take it as she didn't think it was fair for upu to go I'm opposite direction to get her so she met you along thr way.

BeatenByAScone · 27/10/2023 21:22

Maybe she needed a reason to not be drinking - pregnancy, TTC, alcohol issues etc

PenguinWaiting · 28/10/2023 09:29

A lot of these ideas (not wanting to arrive alone, limited parking at venue, wanting an excuse not to drink, etc) don't explain why she didn't just say 'I'll drive us all since it's out of your way to come and get me' like a normal person would, rather than drive half of a 20 minute journey and then swap to a friend's car.

Like you, OP, I'd have been puzzled and annoyed to that there ended up being two designated drivers for no obvious reason.

UndercoverCop · 28/10/2023 09:34

Hmmm I do this with a colleague sometimes, we have to go to a quarterly meeting about two hours away, I love furthest away (about 15 miles from her) so tend to detour and pick her up. She recently said I'll drive next time (has a newer more reliable car now) , I said don't worry about driving back to get me I'll come to you. It's much quicker for me to drive than get there why other way, so I left my car at her house and she drove. I was happy to drive the whole way though and no drinking involved.
The further away colleague should have offered to just pick you both up

PenguinWaiting · 28/10/2023 09:41

UndercoverCop · 28/10/2023 09:34

Hmmm I do this with a colleague sometimes, we have to go to a quarterly meeting about two hours away, I love furthest away (about 15 miles from her) so tend to detour and pick her up. She recently said I'll drive next time (has a newer more reliable car now) , I said don't worry about driving back to get me I'll come to you. It's much quicker for me to drive than get there why other way, so I left my car at her house and she drove. I was happy to drive the whole way though and no drinking involved.
The further away colleague should have offered to just pick you both up

You see to me that's very different though because it's a repeated, much longer journey and no drinking involved. I think your scenario is fine (not that you need my approval 😂)

Scaraben · 28/10/2023 10:02

Does she have small children? Agree the logical thing would be her driving you all. But thinking about my car, I have a big car with kids seats installed with top tethers - they're a massive faff to remove so really I can only offer lifts to 1 adult at a time.
Maybe she felt awkward and thought this was a compromise

Original poster
Iviry · 28/10/2023 10:08

She is in her 50s so not TTC or pregnant.

Her kids are late teens so no car seat faff. However I have two young children so had to take one of the car seats out for the lift.

OP posts:
NeedToChangeName · 28/10/2023 10:09

I would guess she didn't want to arrive alone and drove to your village to minimise inconvenience to you

Why didn't she offer to drive all 3 of you? Maybe (1) she doesn't drink and didn’t occur to her that you would want to or (2) you have been a drunken disgrace in the past and she thought best you drove to avoid a repeat occurrence? !

melj1213 · 28/10/2023 10:12

Maybe she was happy to drive herself but when you offered a lift she agreed so that less cars were being driven to the restaurant (esp if there was a large group and limited parking) but didn't feel she could then override you to say "Actually, I know you offered to drive me and Jane but I have decided it makes more sense for me to drive so I'll pick you both up" as it's rude to change someone else's plans because it is more convenient for you to do something else?

Especially as you say you've not been out together socially before she probably assumed you wanted to drive so that you had a reason not to drink (I often do the same) and/or so you could have control over when you left so didn't want to change the plans. So, rather than reject your kind offer or have you go out of your way she did the next best thing of driving to your house and getting the lift from there, saving you the round trip to collect her.

Additionally if she did drink so she couldn't drive home from yours then either you could have offered to drop her home afterwards and she could collect her car the following day or it would have been easier to get picked up from your village than the restaurant as it's closer to home/reduced taxi cost/easier for a family member to collect her from 2 than 3, especially late at night etc

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