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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Mobile phones at party

15 replies

harribeau100 · 27/10/2023 14:14

My 10 year old is attending a party at her friends house this weekend. All the girls there have mobile phones -she doesn't. The party is meant to involve pizza and watching a movie. However last party she was at all girls sat in their phones and movie wasn't watched. My daughter feels left out not having a phone but I don't want her to have one yet and don't want to give in to peer pressure.

Should parents hosting the party ban phones whilst the movie is on?
AIBU ?

OP posts:
CyberCritical · 27/10/2023 14:20

It's entirely up to the parents whether or not they choose to ban phones during the party, your experience suggests they won't be so the choice for you and your DD is whether she can put up with it it and go or not and don't. If she has a tablet or anything that she uses at home then you could consider letting her take that with her so she has something to do.

cocksstrideintheevening · 27/10/2023 14:21

YABU

WiIIow · 27/10/2023 15:15

Does your daughter want a phone? It's not peer pressure if she actually wants one. But yeah it's a shit thing to let them all sit there on phones when a movie is on. Outside of the movie, they are bound to want to look on phones and show each other things though, so either way your DD will feel left out.

Coffeerum · 27/10/2023 15:38

Should parents hosting the party ban phones whilst the movie is on?

Because you don’t want your child to have a phone? No.
The rules you have in your house have nothing to do with the rules in someone else’s.

Oldermum84 · 27/10/2023 15:44

How sad.

littleducks · 27/10/2023 16:10

It's awkward, in summer I went along on trip youth club trip. My ten year old doesn't have a phone. The group of boys he would play with sat in row of three on coach parking on phone on total silence not interacting with each other whole journey there. And he says you me "see this is why I need a phone." I was bit shocked, not even showing each other things or playing same game against each other.

But ultimately no you can't expect parents to ban phones at a party. My older ones are late teens and their peers didn't have phones with this much data so young. I don't think parents realise the drama, angst and stress social media escalates.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 27/10/2023 16:17

DD's 10th party was a sleepover and we asked for no phones as the party before that was also no phones

UsingChangeofName · 27/10/2023 16:19

Mine didn't have phones until the birthday before they went to secondary. I don't think kids need them but I disagree with you on "what other parents should do".
YABU.
When mine were 10, if they had friends round, it was up to them, as a group what they did, and how they did it - parents aren't going to be sitting there watching with them, and even if they were, they aren't going to be dictating to all the friends how they watch a film.

mindutopia · 27/10/2023 16:46

I don't think you can demand another parent do it. But if this was me in my house, yes, I'd request that phones were put somewhere safely during the party and children could retrieve them if needed to contact their parent for any reason. In fact, when my dd had her friend over the other night for a sleepover, I did exactly that, requested the friend's phone (and dd's tablet - she doesn't have a phone) before they went up the guest room to watch a film and go to bed. I returned friend's phone in the morning.

Kids should be interacting and having fun with each other at a party, not with their heads in a phone. Dd has a friend (same friend as above) who is constantly on her phone. I mean like facetiming dd and messaging at 3am. They're both 10. Dd doesn't have a phone, but she does have an ipad, which she is only allowed for periods of time every few days. Hence I notice the messages and missed calls, like all 50 of them, at all hours from this friend when I give her ipad to her to use. Same friend also has a Tiktok account with fairly suggestive posts - again, they're 10! - which I've seen because she gave dd the login details and dd downloaded Tiktok, which she then told us about and I looked through it all (before deleting it because dd is not allowed Tiktok!). The friend is followed by her mum on her account, and her older sister and other family members, so clearly they are also seeing what she is posting, which is worrying frankly.

But it was a stark reminder that this is the junk that 10 year olds will be doing (thirsty photos and all) if they are not properly supervised with tech. It's not going to happen on my watch and certainly not on my wifi, if they posting inappropriate things. Kids should be kids. At the very least, as parents we can enforce that when children are in our care. Dd doesn't have a phone, but I'd have no problem with another parent making her put it away during a party.

SaracensMavericks · 27/10/2023 16:49

YANBU to be sad about the situation, but YABU to expect the parents to ban phones. That's their decision.

Bluetrue · 27/10/2023 18:01

I think asking the kids to put their phones away whilst the movie is on is sensible.

But if there is a sleepover, I don't think asking for their phones is reasonable. What if the child wants to send their parent a message to say they're homesick/if the parent wants to send the child a message? If kids are homesick/not happy and want to go home, they might not have the confidence to tell the host parent.

HomeatRoseCottage · 27/10/2023 18:03

This is one of the reasons I’m going to have a no-sleepovers rule for my kid(s). I would be very worried about unsupervised phone use at a party with kids of that age.

paddyclampofthethirdkind · 27/10/2023 18:06

Why won’t you let her have a phone?

lamalamalamasquirrel · 27/10/2023 18:19

Personally I'd say yeah - let's put them in the phone corner and get them after the film. Stops them all getting silly and bullying people

LlynTegid · 27/10/2023 18:33

Their house their rules just as in yours, your rules.

Stick to your decision about no phone yet, good on you.

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