Wwyd kitchen or surgery

[WonderfulCheese]

I've name changed for this because I've spoken about it IRL, and I'm posting here for traffic.

Over a year ago a scan found polyps in my gallbladder. They scanned again in Feb and found they had grown from 7-10mm so I was advised I needed surgery.

But then,nothing. I have chased and chased and chased and been told it's a six month wait, but I've not received any indication of how long is left to wait.

To complicate things, I'm 40 and want to have another baby, as soon as I can to complete our family.

We moved into a house with a pretty dreadful kitchen. It's useable but there are gaps where the vendor took cabinets away.

My grandmother died this year and my parents felt sorry for us, or rather they wanted to help us, and gave me enough from the inheritance to do the kitchen.

However the cost of the kitchen is about the same as a private gallbladder surgery.

I don't know what to do. We are very low income and if I use this money for my gallbladder we will realistically never be able to do the kitchen.

Health definitely comes first, but I worry that if I go for it, I could get a call from the NHS the next day.

It's true that if I can afford the surgery I should do it, but like I said we are very low income and not on benefits.

What would you do?

Yabu = surgery
Yanbu = kitchen

If you can't have the baby without the surgery then that is no choice in my opinion.

I could, but I am concerned that if I am expecting I can't have the surgery and would lose my place on the list .

I called and said, please just tell me how long the wait is, if its more than 10 months, I can try for a baby, if less, I won't. But they couldn't say.

Can't you have a baby with polyps on your gall bladder? Can you afford another baby if things are so tight?

Yes. We have all the equipment, space in the car, hand me down clothes etc. The additional regular costs would be small compared to a huge payout for a kitchen .

I'm sorry about your tricky situation. I don't mean to be insensitive, but your parents gave you the money with the intention that you would do the kitchen. Will they be ok with you using it for private surgery when hopefully your NHS surgery should come through soon? Also, your kitchen will always need doing, whereas (sorry to be blunt) you may not be able to conceive again at 40. I understand your urgency though, and again, sorry to be insensitive x

It's not insensitive at all, thanks for asking. Dad would like to see me get the surgery. It was his mother. Mum doesn't mind. They don't mind either way really, the decision rests with me.

If your parents gave you the money for your kitchen I wouldn't be comfortable spending it on the surgery without talking to them first.

Are you in pain with the gall bladder issue?
As pp said, are you in a financial position to be trying for another child if you can't afford house repairs?

I do get pain but I'm not sure what it is. There are loads of organs and tubes in the upper abdomen :-/

I am worried also because Dr Google said if you don't treat gallbladder polyps, they can turn to cancer which is usually fatal. 😳but maybe I should stop googling.

don't google things.

Talk to the clinic / hospital that does the private surgery. See if you can get an initial consultation - maybe free or not too expensive - where you get to talk to the doctor about the possible surgery. Go with a list of questions to ask like (1) does this affect having a baby? and (2) what is the risk if I don't have surgery? and (3) what is the recovery like? etc

after that, you will have enough medical info to make a much better decision.

Our house could really do with a new kitchen, patio and work to the roof but we paid privately for three rounds of IVF and various tests and surgeries instead - even after putting my foot through the patio a few weeks ago I don’t have any regrets!

Is there any way you could pay for a private initial consultation with a consultant about the gall bladder surgery to see if they can advise you about any possible impact on conception and how long the wait is for NHS vs private surgery?

ETA: Cross posted with OP and parietal -hopefully by having a consultation you would be able to get advice about any additional risks of waiting to treat the polyps.

We got our kitchen second hand a few years ago. We did new worktops, tiles and sink/tap. The whole kitchen cost £1200!!!
It did help that three of my parents neighbours were doing renovations and we got quite a lot from one of them in particular!

I think I would hold off doing either if you can't decide. Once the money is spent you can't unspend a both sceneries could give you an improved life. Once a month or a fortnight go back over the pros and cons. When you can say if I have the op and know that if my NHS op came through the next day I would have still been happy to pay then I would book the op.
Make sure you keep your drs up to date on case of symptoms that change your priority.

I know this isn't the point of the thread but why are you planning to have another child when you're 'very low income'?

Thank you for the very good advice.

We have hand me down clothes and equipment and toys.

How much were you anticipating spending on a kitchen?

If it is just missing cabinets, then basic cabinets from IKEA or Diy kitchens are cheap and straightforward to build. Can you do basic diy?

I suspect you don't really want to hear it but a child is a lot more expensive that either surgery or a kitchen. You may have a pram and baby things but that's a very small part of 18 to 25 years of expenditure on them.

This kind of is framed more as “baby or kitchen?” Rather than surgery or kitchen when it seems that you could have all 3, baby, surgery, and kitchen.

Thinking of it as baby or kitchen is a bit odd when it isn’t that clear. Fertility risks and assessment and having a clearer knowledge of gallbladder polyp risk (as far as I am aware all polyps can turn cancerous but usually slowly, but that may be wrong) and also further knowledge of the current wait times for similar operations rather than yours specifically. Also do you know if you fall pregnant will that expedite the surgery?

You're right but spread over the years, for example extra meals and so on, it would be less of a shock that thousands for surgery.

I wouldn't say it's baby or kitchen, there is no guarantee I could definitely have one

Find out an NHS surgeon who practises at your local NHS hospital and also works privately. Pay to see them privately and ask about the waitlist. You might find if they think you have been waiting too long they offer to look into it for you.
My concern for you is the reason you take out polyps anywhere in the body is their risk of developing into cancer.

Like others I'm concerned about the practicalities of another baby if you are struggling financially. It's not just clothes and prams, it's maternity pay, childcare, after school clubs, hobbies, clothes, tutoring, uni. And being frank, you do need to consider how likely it is you'd conceive at 40. get the surgery if you know if will improve your quality of life. And please kick the mindset of needing to 'complete' your family.

The choice is surgery or kitchen, the baby is a different conversation and was an reason for me wanting to know one way or the other with the NHS list.

Childcare isn't an issue as I don't work.
Maternity pay, I'm not sure what you mean by this.
Clothes I mentioned would be hand downs, all are in excellent condition.
Hobbies would be budgeted at one hobby per week.
The need for a potential tutor doesn't weigh heavily enough in my mind to disallow the child completely.

My only point about the child was if I am going to spend five years on a waiting list, I wish they would just tell me so I know where I stand. I have asked them, and they can't say :-(

Why am I not suprised that you don't work.

Why am I not suprised that you don't work.

I don't know, what are you implying?