To think I’m not good enough for my partner

[Pomegranate66]

I have recently been diagnosed with complex PTSD following various difficulties with members of my family growing up. I was so relieved to receive this diagnosis due to so so so many years of wondering what is wrong with me.

I’ve had to put therapy on hold due to changes in my finances. I am quite frankly struggling and have been for weeks. I’ve been told my nervous system is all out of whack and it feels it. I’m on medication. I just have so many down moments, ruminations and I’m so so hyper vigilant.

I know how hard it is for someone to put up with someone so negative and needs looking after almost.
I’ve said this to my partner who is adamant that he “doesn’t put up” with anything, he’s here through all the good and bad, and that it’s “not my decision to make”.

But I’m honestly terrified I’m going to ruin him, he’s such a happy and carefree man and I’m worried my moods and episodes will take a toll on him.

What do I do??

Sorry if this makes no sense. I’m not very well today either with a tummy bug and a bit emotional 😭

You are unwell so no wonder you feel awful.

Please don't worry about 'not being good enough' - of course you are.

Sending you a huge hug;I understand how you feel;I have only in the last 12 months have begun to deal with the trauma of my childhood after a friend with CPTSD pointed out I fitted them profile to of someone with it (she doesn't know about the abuse I endured as a child).

I'd like to get counselling but the NHS waiting list is long and I currently can't afford private counselling as money is tight.

Please look after yourself;are you on anti depressants?

I know exactly how you feel. I keep telling my partner that he needs to find someone who he can have fun with and enjoy a relaxed care-free life. The problem with MH issues is you never know when they are going to get better or worse. I felt like I was getting better a couple of weeks back but am back in the thick of it now. I think it must be a real challenge to put up with. I'm really grateful to have him but can't help feeling sorry for him.

Sending lots of support your way. I hope you are able to work through your trauma 💖

He sounds lovely.
I think you're right to acknowledge that compassion fatigue and burnout is a thing- encourage him to fill his cup with the gym or watching football or fishing or whatever his thing is.
Also use other support systems like therapists and friends as well as him.

BUT don't feel guilty. You're unwell. And you would help him a million times over if the situation was reversed. And it might well be one day. It's what people who love each other do xxx

Sorry you are going through this but can I give you some advice of the ex- partner of someone who struggled with similar.

Please stop trying to second guess him or made decisions on his behalf. Believe that he is with you because he wants to be. Understand that he wants to support you and is in this with you. Don't go down the self sabotage or start pushing him away just because you are scarred he might leave or thing you aren't enough. In the end, he will if you start doubting him or deliberately pushing him.

My ex has since recovered, is happy and we have both moved on separately but it never needed to be that way. Trust your partner when he says he loves you and wants to be there.