Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

To ask for the money?

46 replies

Cassidyscircus · 27/10/2023 10:51

I feel a bit awkward so genuinely could use a kick in the right direction with this.
I'm in a new relationship of 6 months. My dboyfriend works away on occasion which is fine (I enjoy the space). His next work trip away is to Japan, and he will have a good amount of time to himself per day. He will be gone for 4 months.

He asked me a while ago if I would consider flying out half way through, to spend 10 days with him. He said he would pay half my flight fare . He said multiples times how excited and happy he is, I eventually booked the flight and he said he would send me his half.

He still hasn't sent it after 4 weeks. He 'owes me'around £450 which is a lot to me. I raised it lSt night and got the same response saying yes, absolutely, I'm sorry etc but he still hasn't actually asked for my bank details

Am I being unreasonable to expect him to pay the half he owes me? It is tainting the trip and how I feel about him.

We're both have good jobs (he earns quite a bit more) so he can definitely afford it

OP posts:

gamerchick · 29/10/2023 19:11

Has he paid?

Can you get your money back? I think I'd probably get a refund and not mention it again. If he asks then tell him you could afford it and cancelled and you can facetime. Can't stand thinking about money shit like that. It puts a crimp in your life.

gamerchick · 29/10/2023 19:12

Next time, no booking until you've got the money upfront.

Dacadactyl · 29/10/2023 19:14

Fingers crossed he's paid you back by now?!

If he doesn't do it by the end of this month (maybe he's waiting for payday) then I'd be cancelling and binning him off totally.

Paniniz · 29/10/2023 19:34

I think, up until this point, it could easily be all innocent (assuming he's a bit disorganised?)...but if he's not paid by now, or explained why/when he will (e.g payday) then I think you should just ask him about it. "I know it's awkward talking about money, but I don't know whether you're either having difficulty paying, regretting inviting me, or just forgetful. What's going on?" I think you'll be able to tell what the truth is based on his reaction (if face to face). I hope he's already paid!

Homefry · 29/10/2023 19:37

Can you get a refund on the plane ticket? This would be giving me the ick tbh.

Delaire13 · 29/10/2023 20:10

Ask him outright , stop pussyfooting and be assertive , ask why he's not paid half like he said he would ... If he continues to flip flop that's your answer. Cancel the flight and get back what you can ....

OhComeOnFFS · 29/10/2023 20:14

I think this is a huge red flag. If he hasn't paid yet then I'd think of cancelling it.

blueshoes · 29/10/2023 20:15

It is embarrassing to ask for money. He is a dick for putting you in that position. Cancel the ticket and ask for a refund.

If he wants you to go he can book the ticket and you refund him half the cost. Frankly I would not want to go out with someone who is so cavalier and flakey with money so early on.

onestepfromgrace · 29/10/2023 20:17

When he said do it together to sort the money what happened? Did you do it together and did you ask him to pay or did you book it and send him the receipt? Is it possible he doesn’t have the cash and was going to pay on his credit card?

He should explain though if that’s the case. How much time have you actually spent together if he works away a lot?

Widower2014 · 29/10/2023 22:12

Open a second account and send him those details. Once you have the money, take the money all but a £1.

What is the last date you can cancel the ticket and still get a refund

JFT · 29/10/2023 22:16

Since he offered to pay half the fare and you accepted his offer which then influenced your decision to make the trip, then YANBU and indeed he 'owes' you the money.

What would concern me is that this is a red flag and indicative of worrisome things to come.

Can you ask him to paypal you the money just using your email address, in plenty of time before you leave?

KissyMissy · 29/10/2023 22:32

OhComeOnFFS · 29/10/2023 20:14

I think this is a huge red flag. If he hasn't paid yet then I'd think of cancelling it.

Yep! Red flag rising

Josell12345 · 29/10/2023 22:36

Eh, why open a 2nd acct and why leave a £1 in it. Baffled.

JFT · 29/10/2023 22:43

How well do you know this guy?

Maybe he was hoping to scam you for money - ie you send him half the air fare and he says he will book the ticket.

Itiswhatitis85 · 29/10/2023 22:46

Something like that would just eat away at me and make me resent him. It would also really put me off him. I would resent him also for making me ask for the money again.

Crafthead · 29/10/2023 22:51

You can do this by taking out a pre paid credit card and ask him to transfer money to that. I have one that lets me allocate money to different "jars" that I use for saving up for Christmas, birthdays etc, and only the active jar can be accessed.

OhNoForever · 29/10/2023 22:57

If you like him christ just be like, sorry why haven't you sent my money yet I need it and it's making me anxious?

uncomfortablydumb53 · 29/10/2023 23:29

Can you cancel the ticket?

Starseeking · 30/10/2023 00:57

I'd chalk this one up to experience as I don't think he'll be sending you the money unless you chase and chase and chase, then he'll be turning it round on you, saying all you think about is his money, and make you feel guilty for getting him to stick to doing what he said he would. The trip will feel tainted anyway for you having had to do this, if the holiday happens at all.

You sound financially incompatible in the long-term; take it from one who has been there, and knows the script.

PinkLemons99 · 30/10/2023 07:34

I’d expect that only 6 months into a new relationship, it’s still the honeymoon phase and he’d be making a lot more effort to woo you, if he’s keen. Money can be a huge issue in a relationship and if he’s showing signs of being self centred or tight at this stage, it doesn’t bode well. If this is a serious relationship for you, you need to sit him down and have a frank talk.

Alternatively, maybe he’s a serial dater and he’s losing interest?

When I started dating DH (we were both in our 30’s), he’d already booked himself a fabulous 3 week long haul holiday for the late summer. (He’d done a lot of travelling solo by this point.) After a few months of dating, he asked me to go with him and then he re-arranged his booking and paid for everything. It would have cost him a couple of grand or so to add me. It was a fantastic first holiday together and we’ve been together over 20yrs now.

Hydrangeasneedtrimming · 12/11/2023 11:43

Is there an update for this, wonder what the OP did???

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread