Another MIL and drinking one

[Polarbear9]

My MIL is currently over to stay with us. She lives in another country so when she visits it tends to be for 4 or 5 nights as she doesn't have a place in the UK anymore. I am stating to really resent this and need to know if I ABU before having a conversation with her about the future of these visits.
She has a history of bipolar which is relevant as had led to her being hospitalised a few times during manic episodes (last time probably 5 years ago). We've never had a close relationship and my DH isn't close to her either, probably because as a child she would drink too much and isn't the most caring person. However since we've had our own DC we want her to have a relationship with her GC so have had these visits from her probably 4 or 5 times per year.
She always turns up and offers to do childcare e.g. for school holidays, however in reality I think she likes the idea of this more than the actual event, I honestly think she likes showing off to her friends about what an involved grandparent she is.
On the last 2 occasions she has stayed I've noticed that she has been awake a lot at night and in and out of the bathroom (crashing the door which wakes me up!) I know I shouldn't have done it but after noticing a smell of alcohol in her room last time I looked in her bag and found empty bottles of gin and wine.
On this current stay I have been checking her bag and so far 2 x empty 70cl Gin bottles in 2 days! We live close to the shops and she will make an excuse to pop over there. I'm pretty sure she's not drinking in the day but will excuse herself in the evening to obviously drink alone.
She keeps offering more childcare and when can she visit again however I'm so annoyed with this whole situation and want to tell her I know what she's up to but should I?
She is actually watching the kids today but my DH is working from home so she isn't alone with them, and I don't want her to be until I know she isn't going to be drunk/hungover.
What should I do? Ideally I would want her to stay elsewhere and meet in a neutral location , no overnight stays but her living abroad makes this tricky and there's no chance of us going to her house as her husband is a whole other AIBU!

I really appreciate everyone's thoughts especially those who have been through similar. I don't align this situation quite the same as a more elderly person drinking wine every day, a whole bottle of gin is a massive amount and I'm honestly not sure how it's possible to function after that! I also don't know if she's drinking this much at home or using trips back to the UK as an excuse to get away with it 🤔 I'm not so worried about her being lonely and with no other company as that isn't the case, she has a husband and friends and I do want to have a relationship with her just not have her stay in my house with my kids drinking to excess and crashing around the place!

I would just come out with, ooh can you smell alcohol in here it's really strong? and watch her reaction.

Makes no difference whether you’re aligned with it or not. Alcoholism is a disease.

I'm not sure how she is still fuctioning after that amount of gin in two days either. She must be "topping" herself up during the day to ward off the hangover.

Maybe you could do what another poster has suggested and say something about smelling achohol upstairs and see what she says.

The medical community is split on this, some feel it is a disease, others feel it is not and to label it as such runs the risk of removing personal responsibility and thus further damaging the addict.

That’s a really harsh comment. It’s not a black and white situation.

No, they’re not. The over whelming majority agree it’s a disease as does the world health organisation and it’s the official stance of the NHS.

Its already a hard enough disease to battle without being told it’s not one.

I’m really sorry but neither the who or the nhs classify it as a disease. It is classed as a causal effect for disease, ie liver impairement, there are actually over 200 diseases than can be caused by alcohol misuse disorder.

youre into a very complex area. But officially alcoholism is not classed a disease.

can I ask gently why you want it to be? What benefit that brings mentally?

Can I ask why you are so determined to punish and blame alcoholics @Janieforever ?

What? 😱

Of course she shouldn't babysit them tonight if she drinks at night. Surely you can see that for yourself.

I would start the conversation by saying kindly but firmly I’m sorry, MIL, I can’t have you babysit the kids tonight. I can smell alcohol on you and I’m not policing you, but I don’t leave the kids with anyone who might be affected by drink. Would you like to have a cuppa and a chat about how things are going?

We've never had a close relationship and my DH isn't close to her either, probably because as a child she would drink too much and isn't the most caring person. However since we've had our own DC we want her to have a relationship with her GC so have had these visits from her probably 4 or 5 times per year.

I'm always baffled by this. She wasn't a good parent yet she's going to magically wake up and be a great GP? Why are people always desperate to force others to be this way and then complain when it's clearly not going to work out? I wouldn't leave her with your kids either.