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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ketamin...

15 replies

Champagneponies · 27/10/2023 07:08

My friend (S) has a partner (T) who used to be a heavy drug user. When S and T started dating, T almost stopped doing drugs altogether. S and T have now been together 3 years, and T will have the rare cannabis joint with certain friends, maybe once every couple of months.

S is raging because the other night T went out with the intent of not drinking and didn't come home till 9am. If transpired he had taken Ketamin at a friend's house.

T was remorseful the next day and said it was a one off and that it will not happen again.

S is considering ending the relationship.

Should she? Who is being unreasonable?

For my part - her friend - I have said if he has consistently shown to her that he has actually changed his lifestyle and drug habits and that this genuinely is the first time this has happened, she should let it go on this occasion. I myself know nothing about drugs though and now am second guessing the advice I gave her.

OP posts:
DustyLee123 · 27/10/2023 07:18

Of course she should. I hope her contraception is water tight.

Maddy70 · 27/10/2023 07:20

The odd occasional use is OK. A habit is not. It wouldn't bother me particularly unless it's used regularly

sorrynotathome · 27/10/2023 07:20

T is not drug-free and still sees friends who will supply him with drugs. This doesn’t sound like a one-off to me. It will happen again.

Ffsnotaconference · 27/10/2023 07:25

Yes, she should end the relationship if she isn’t happy to be with someone who occasionally goes out, disappears all night and gets off their tits.

I wouldn’t be with someone like that either.

when you add in the risks and the long term impacts of ketamine or drug use, why would you want that?

why do you want her to stay with him when she has clearly said she doesn’t find this acceptable?

Will they have kids? What does your friends want out of her life?

Original poster
Champagneponies · 27/10/2023 07:34

Thank you all for your responses. I'm clearly not in a position to say if they will have kids and what she wants out of her life. These kind of things are personal to her..

It is the first time this has happened in the 3 years they've been together. Therefore is a one off - not a habit.

OP posts:
Thisusernamenotavailable · 27/10/2023 07:38

He will do it again. She should absolutely leave him if she doesn’t want drugs in her life. YABU to talk her out of it.

ScreamingFromDreaming · 27/10/2023 07:40

Ketamine, ffs, what a loser. Be a proper friend and change the advice you gave her.

ExcitingRicotta · 27/10/2023 07:43

I agree @Champagneponies. We all make mistakes and once in three years (!) does not a habit make.

19847499fddqqedxx · 27/10/2023 07:43

A one off she knows about it, he still smokes cannabis yes some people don’t think it’s that bad but it’s still a drug.
Usually with this they always carry on using and sometimes go back to it full time, I think your friends instinct to end the relationship was spot on really.

MumblesParty · 27/10/2023 08:01

Ketamine is a horse tranquilliser and is bloody dangerous. I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who did something that stupid.

Ffsnotaconference · 27/10/2023 08:02

Champagneponies · 27/10/2023 07:34

Thank you all for your responses. I'm clearly not in a position to say if they will have kids and what she wants out of her life. These kind of things are personal to her..

It is the first time this has happened in the 3 years they've been together. Therefore is a one off - not a habit.

How do you know it’s a one off? And which hit is a one off? The ketamine? He never takes and just decided for no reason, knowing how his partner would feel, he fancied doing Ket?

or do you mean drugs is a one off? Because it’s clear it’s not? Or the staying out all night is a one off? And the Ketamine is regular, but he usually comes home?

How is it a mistake? What did he think he was taking?

He went out. No intention to even drink. And, I assume, be back at a reasonable time.

But he went out and then made a clear decision to take ketamine. It wasn’t a mistake it was a choice.

it was a choice to stay out all night. And your friend doesn’t want to be with someone who does this.

Jamorjelly · 27/10/2023 08:08

I don’t take drugs, I have no skin in the game, but always think MN responses are really harsh.

I wouldn’t mind if my partner took drugs once in three years, or even did it again if it was, say, a once a year thing.

That’s very different to a habit which is an entirely different matter.

Shouldigoforarunorhavepancakes · 27/10/2023 08:14

After drug abuse, he’ll be in recovery for the rest of his life. He can’t lower his guard and that means no alcohol, cannabis, ANYTHING like that for the rest of his life.
Clearly, he’s not ready for that commitment yet.

Worriednanof1 · 27/10/2023 08:58

Ketamin is an evil awful drug. People that take this level of drug lie & manipulate. My bet is this wasn't a one off, just the first time your friend is aware off. Even if it was the first time it probably won't be the last.

anunlikelyseahorse · 27/10/2023 09:12

Drugs are a complete no from me. Ket is not a safe recreational substance, it's so good at numbing pain, it puts the user at very high risk of injury, it can also depress various organ functions, and don't get me started on the supply chain issue.

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