to think friends mum is just a complete b*tch?!

[babblington]

To cut a long story short, my dd1 is 3.8, she has a little friend who she's know since she was born and they are very good friends if a little tempestuous at times. I am pretty good friends with said child's mother (we'll call her Sarah) and we go out for drinks, see each other once a week have each other round for supper etc etc.
Have met sarah's mother a few times and everytime we meet she drops in small insidious bitchy comments about dd1, whilst disguising it as praise for dd2 i.e. isn''t dd2 a smiley child, dd1 always seem such a sourpuss'. I've always smiled sweetly and let is go because I only see her twice a year or so, and I don't actually value her opinion as she doesn't know my daughhter at all .
Today, at Sarah's ds's christening she said "isn't dd2 delightful and such a friendly lovely girl, she's nothing at all like dd1, is she?' all innocent and sweet faced - What on earth was i supposed to say to that?! Should I tell sarah what her mother has been saying? Is she just jealous (her granddaughter has behavioural problems)? I am so riled up by this - it probably seems completely trivial to you all, but she can't NOT know how rude she is being!!
Sorry - this is really long.

YANBU. She IS being a bitch. sounds like she's jealous for some reason.

She's not a complete bitch but she's not being very nice. Don't get riled about it.. forget it, right now, and be happy you have two lovely girls.

anyone got any good retorts for me? I was so dumbfounded by her complete brazen rudeness i just stood there looking at her slack jawed with amazement (although admittedly this was after a couple of glasses of champagne!).

Yes she is a bitch, but to be honest I wouldn't care. People who say these kinds of comments do it for a reason and its never a happy one. I would ignore it.

you should say "she is such a lovely happy child but she is SO different when she is around you, I think you must scare her you old dragon"

I have a friend with a mum like that! On friday she was walking behind myself and another friend coming back from the school run.

She shouted to me 'who has been eating too many take aways - your backside is going massive.'

I hate confrontation but my reply was

'You need to have a word with your lardy arsed daughter before you nosey in my business'

Still cant believe I said it

Shabster - good for you for replying - what gives these people the idea that they have the right to make comments like that?!

Ecmo - after the sourpuss comment I did say 'well, it rather depends on who she's looking at' but I'm still a little nervous of declaring all out war as i don't want to lose 'Sarah's' friendship...

babb - if you only have to see this person now and then I think I would probably smile sweetly

Its only since I have got older that I have found the courage to speak up. Also have made two really lovley 'playground friends' who are MUCH younger than I am. They coach me all the time about speaking up for myself.

I used to get 'your little boys are very short arent they' I am 4ft 11in and dad is 5ft 4in so we are hardly going to breed giants. Now my DS1 is 5ft 10in and the same people say 'he's grown but he's very well built isin't he!!!!!' Sometimes you cant win

The next time this or any other person says anything unkind to you look at her in a sad way and say "your being unkind"

Bloody embarreses um I can tell yah.

nametaken - that sounds good to me - if that fails punch her in the nose only joking - I am going to blame my behaviour on officially being menopausal

She's breathtakingly rude, YANBU and Shabster is completely right, calm, direct and no nonsense is the way to go with vile people like this.

what about a subtle challenge with a big smile 'erm, what do you mean by that?'

as long as you're just passively aquiescing she will continue to make these odious comparisons (which i'm guessing ahve something to do with her own childhood??) but if she realises you're wise to her she'll probably give it up.

thank you all - I was beginning to think i was somehow misinterpreting her, but I honestly think she just isn't very nice. Fine if she has taken against me (why?!? i barely know the woman!), not fine at all to bring DD1 into it. You are all right - calm, collected. i will definately say something the next time she does it.

I have a 'friend' who makes comments like this. She's always making catty little remarks about my daughter. I used to sy nothing but now I just ask what does she mean or say how rude she is. I ahve to say it does work.

No point wondering why people are like that. They just are and its their problem.

she is probably just very thick skinned. My MIL is like this, always making comments which take NO miscontrue-ing at all to be taken offensively However she is very thick skinned and I've realised that she just thinks that speaking your mind is the way to go - like her own mother did - and to hell with tact!

I dont think she is a total bitch and do think the best thing is to point out that actually you take exception to her comment and point out she knows very little of your children as she see them so rarely.

Dont lower yourself with pithy retorts - IME they are often like water of a ducks back with people like this and they literally do need it spelling out to them that they are being rude.