Do I expect too much from friendships?

[Pollysgotacracker]

I recently made friends with a group of women of a similar age via an app. Only met twice so far but they seem very nice, and we're all now on a shared group chat.
The only issue is the plans that get made are only ever on Friday nights, when I work.
I've said to them I can virtually do any time over the weekend, or weeknights, just not Friday nights, but nothing has come to fruition.
A few weeks ago, they did arrange a meetup for a Saturday night after I'd said I wasn't available for the Friday, so they changed it for me. One of the women on the group chimed in saying 'Ohh I'm so gutted, I was really looking forward to this night. I can do Friday but not Saturday. Oh well :( '
I said to them, it's fine, you ladies stick with Friday and I'll come next time. So they did.
Maybe I shouldn't have done as I've just shown the other woman she can get her own way (that sounds horrible but I hope it makes sense). But I guess I thought I was being nice.
Anyway I have suggested stuff for other nights, like , does anyone want to come to X event on Sunday? One lady has shown interest but the other 7 or so in the group never reply to anything I suggest.
Maybe it's time I stop bothering? I told them I will book a Friday off which I'm happy to do, but obviously need to know in advance and be sure it will actually go ahead. I can't imagine that absolutely none of them are available except for Fridays, out of 7 or 8.

You're too invested. They are acquaintances.

Maybe I am, I just find it frustrating as I'm trying to get to know them better and they seem very inflexible. I'm probably best just leaving it.

Unless it's v important, I would not go out on a Sunday night. Friday is my night out of choice for many reasons, I don't do school night nights and prefer not to do a Saturday.

I always prefer a Friday night, I like to wake up fresh on a Sunday and spend it with my family maybe they are the same?

That said you're invested far to much, go find your people these aren't your people?

Sorry should've said I wasn't asking them for a night out on the Sunday, it was an afternoon thing without drinking.
The very first time I met them was on a Tuesday night so I assumed they do things other days.n

I mean I'm not a drinker myself and I've suggested stuff that isn't even nights out, so they will still be fine the next day. It's tough sometimes to make friends but I'll keep looking.

They are nice for the crochet discussions or bookclub, or however you know them, but you need to look elsewhere for actual friends.

Why would you say it’s fine I’ll come next time when a. It’s clearly not fine and b. You can’t come next time!

Rather than showing "the other woman she can get her own way" @Pollysgotacracker , if I was part of this group (I wouldn't be - I'm not into group activities), I'd think "well, Pollysgotacracker isn't really fussed about meeting up with us as, even when we planned the arrangement to work for her, she told us not to worry - just stick to the Friday"
Maybe it's your method of communication that needs work.
Stick with it if you're enjoying it but don't bother if you're not.

I should've done, but since the other woman was saying she was so gutted they changed the date, I felt like I should let her go instead.

I'd just accept you've made your preferences clear and they don't seem to match the others' availability often. Drop in as and when you can and stay in touch but lower your expectations of these guys a bit and keep looking to meet others if wished.

If the situation described comes up again, stick to the plans rather than ceding.

Why not pick up on the interest of the one woman who would be happy to meet another day? Others might follow suit or you might have a good time one on one.

8 people is quite a lot to change plans when they're new acquaintances.

Where do you look these days for actual friends, I'd love to know!

And, the more folk that are in a group, the trickier it is trying to get a day, date, venue, activity etc that works for everyone.

You told them to move it to Friday so they did! How were they supposed to know you didn't mean it? This wasn't the other woman getting her own way, you created the situation. They might just as easily think you're not fussed about being included, when they changed to suit you then you told them to change it back.

They aren't your friends - you've only met them twice.

And they DID organise something specifically to suit your schedule. Only for you to tell them to switch it back. Next time, don't be a burning martyr.

You're right, I shouldn't have said it. Ah well, I'll learn for next time.

Ahhh I feel for you OP! Unfortunately Friday nights are when people are up for doing stuff and it's a shame that is when you have work. I wouldn't overthink it - it's not purposely to exclude you. I would go along next time they are doing something when you are free unless it's a Friday night club only!

There are skills and techniques to making friends as an adult. Start a thread about that for more specific advice.

It can be tough if you keep trying with incompatible people. Expecting things of friends isn't how it works. You make friends with people because they do things in a way that you like, rather than making friends with people and then expecting them to change what they do into something you'd like.

These people aren't free when you are, so find other people who are. You don't get to 'expect' things of them, any more than they get to expect things of you. You're not the focus of their universe, and they won't change themselves or their habits and behaviours, because of what you want.

You've made it clear you can never do Fridays

The one time they accommodate you, you say 'oh don't worry, you do Saturday. Don't worry about me'

You've taught them how to treat you

What was the purpose of this app? Was it for making friends? Or for some other reason?
If the others are looking for a group of people to go out with on a Friday night (and, for some people, going out on a Friday is particularly important to them) and they have found a group of people who also want to go out on a Friday, then they won't change that. Others might want the big group experience and so just be wanting to go out when most of the others can.
Also, this isn't Friends. There won't be one group of people who you do everything with. They sound like a group you might be able to join on a Friday evening if your work pattern changes. It may be that you find another group who want to meet up on a Sunday afternoon or something.