Discussions baby number 2

[Emzbee]

The context is we have already one child, Ds nearly 4. He’s not an easy child, quite active and strong willed, but overall very loving and happy. I suspect some form of neurodiversity is at play too in his behaviour.

After Ds i returned to work during the pandemic, discovered limited support at work and find the balance hard. i ends up ill with depression but i have been managing ever since, returning to work and even getting a new job (promotion).

Dh and i have discussed a second child. Dh doesn’t know and the argument put forwards is we will have another child like DS or harder. My side of seeing is yes but you cannot 100 percent determine that. We feel like we are in a pretty good place now and he doesn’t want to add to that risk.
my side is i’m aware how hard it is but the seeing another human being grow/develop is a wonderful experience. I also realise that one thing that i have a hang up about is being an only child (think it’s very hard on children and parents). You have to create lots more social interactions for them. it can be very lonely.

i just want to hear people’s experiences and views - mostly how do you qualm the concerns around those risks?

please be kind. i want it to be a joint decision, just not one sided.

I agree OP. Having been an only child, I wouldn't want to have an only child. I remember a lot of time being by myself. I also have a husband who is not sure he wants another child (due to finances and the environment). I don't really have any advice really as it needs to be a mutual decision but just thought I'd offer some solidarity x

I have an only (deliberately) and I haven't regretted it so far (DD is 6.5). I don't think it is hard at all, although I imagine it depends on the child. We don't have to deal with siblings squabbles, money is much less of an issue, we have more time to ourselves (both individually and together, as finding a babysitter for one child is relatively easy). DD has lovely friends but is also happy by herself. We do spend a lot of time playing/interacting with her, perhaps more than if she had a sibling, but it's hardly a chore, she's ace. I love our little gang of three.

The other thing I would say is I know far more people who have distant, strained and in more than one case, non-existent relationships with their siblings as adults than I do people who have had healthy, loving relationships that have lasted into adulthood. A sibling is not a guaranteed playmate for life and definitely not a good reason to have another child, although I realise that is not your only reason.

Keep talking to your husband about it and try to really listen to each other's feelings and put yourselves in each others places. I hope you get the life you want, one way or another.