To be annoyed Dsis is forgiving this woman

[Drizzlydrizzle12]

Dsis daughter (my DN) is a tween and Dsis has a old school friend who has a daughter who DN has been friends with since she was born. I've never been a huge fan of my Dsis friend as she is often rude and outspoken.
There was an incident where DN received a WhatsApp message from old school friend. Her DD does not have WhatsApp yet so uses her mums phone to contact DN.
Old school friend messaged DN directly and called her cruel and that she had upset her DD. She then went onto say you know exactly what you are doing etc. Dsis messaged her and asked what was going on, she replied saying DN had changed her profile pic and upset her DD because she thought they were best friends and not this other girl in her profile pic. Dsis says if there was a problem you should come to me first and not message DN calling her cruel etc. She replies well if she's old enough to have a phone then she's old enough to receive texts from me.
This was then left, DN was in absolute bits crying her eyes out and felt awful. They hadn't spoken since. I said to Dsis perhaps having this friend of yours out of your life is for the best if she speak to DN in that way and speaks to you like that (as I said she has form for being rude and outspoken)
Spoke to Dsis earlier to find out that they all went for a walk today. I was shocked, I said wait you even said the way she spoke to DD was awful and she isn't nice.
I just don't understand why you would want someone in your life who speaks to your child in such an awful way. This woman has no filter or boundaries and I can just see something happening again in the future. Why allow it to happen.
Aibu?

So, I agree this woman is entirely awful and had no business messaging a child especially to call them names. Utterly unacceptable.

However, both daughters are still friends. So I'm guessing that your dsis is trying to maintain a level of contact so that she's in the loop and communication is open incase there are further issues between the two girls. If I was her id have told her my thoughts on the matter and that she's go to me directly in future and then tried to move forward but I'd have that woman's card marked and I would be making much less effort to see her outside of the girls spending time together. I think it's one of those better the devil you know situations. She's doing it for your dn. If the kids weren't best friends she'd probably end the friendship .

I can’t see how it’s any if your business?

Keep out of it. Your sister won’t thank you for interfering in her life or how she raises her child.

I’m with you OP. Seems inappropriate for the mum to be messaging your DN (because her daughter was upset by a profile pic?) and upsetting her and your DSis should be taking a huge step back (wonder how much say the girls had in going for a walk together with their mums?)

I can understand where you're coming from, but I don't think it's any of your business personally

I was shocked, I said wait you even said the way she spoke to DD was awful and she isn't nice
I just don't understand why you would want someone in your life who speaks to your child in such an awful way. This woman has no filter or boundaries and I can just see something happening again in the future. Why allow it to happen

And what did your sister reply to this?

I think it's nothing to do with you, don't get involved.

I wouldn't want to be friendly with a woman who messages a child to tell her off because the child changed her profile pic on WhatsApp

The fact that DNiece's friend was upset about the pic change is a red flag too imo

I'm assuming that your sister has decided it's worth being friends with this woman as DNiece wants to remain friends with the daughter

I'd definitely be suggesting that DN blocks the number to avoid any reoccurrences on her phone

However, bottom line, there's nothing you can do apart from be kind to your sister and niece and be there for them

So your line is "I have decided it has to be done this way and if you don't it is wrong" it is nothing to do with you

Its sad when girls have a doormat for a mum. There's nothing you can do tho. This woman and her daughter won't bode well for your DN but hopefully nothing worse than this will happen.

This sounds like the mother of my dd’s former friend, who had a go at dd and told her she was a bad friend. Dd was 11 and wanted to be friends with other girls as well as her but she wanted to control dd. This girl made a massive drama out of it. Basically a jealousy tantrum.

I understand why you’re annoyed. I wouldn’t be forgiving this tbh. However, perhaps your sister hasn’t. At 11/12 she doesn’t really get to have much of a say in who your dn is friends with.

Those who say it's none of my business and to keep out, I'm not going to tell Dsis to stay away. It's her choice, I'm just shocked and wanted to vent on here

I think that's why I'm so annoyed I feel she's being a doormat