Aibu to be concerned about my daughter?

[Barbaquequeen]

My daughter is10years old and is of a slim build. She enjoys 3 different sporting activities but outside of this she does not play and run about in her spare time as she used to. She much prefers sitting on the couch, watching tv and has to be coaxed to play out.
i hVe noticed she has started to behave in a sneaky manner when it comes to food. She will take bars from the treat press and take it to her room. She returned home from an activity late last night and I asked her would she like to get herself a snack before bed. She buttered no less than 8 cream crackers. I said nothing as I didn’t want to make a big deal or an issue out of it and I didn’t want to make her feel bad or ashamed. I try to make her have a good attitude to food. She has 3 good family meals a day, I will always offer her more at these meals and she is usually given a treat or desert daily
should I have said something about the cream crackers and should I be concerned?

8 buttered crackers excessive and I can see why she sneaks food if she knows how you think. Lol that's nothing in our growing kids we can go thru 2 loaves just on breakfast and supper, growing like mushrooms right now especially our 13 year old.3 meals a day isn't enough she's clearly hungry bless her, if there was a massive weight issue fair enough but nah growing kids

Since your DD is very active and engaging in sports, I think that she is eating what her body is craving - fats, carbs and sugar. All that energy has to come from somewhere, after all. I don’t think 8 crackers with butter is necessarily wrong, she clearly needs the energy, but perhaps you could have healthier , more accessible snacks, so fruit, high protein yogurt, cheese slices, etc. I would also say that crackers with butter are quick, easy and no thought. Even making toast, you have to get the toaster out, wait for the bread to toast, then butter it, etc., and you go from a “quick” snack to something more time intensive, even if the actual difference is only minutes. To a 10 year old, these minutes are hours!

I am more concerned with her taking the treats up to her room and hiding the fact that she’s eating them. Does she feel that you would disapprove of her eating the treats? Are treats “policed”, in terms of after you clean your room or do xx chore, then you get a treat? Has she ever been told off for eating a treat, such as 10 minutes before dinner, or perhaps you might have said at some point that if she hadn’t eaten the treat, she would have eaten all her lunch/dinner? There’s a lot in the media about “good” food and “bad” food and she may be subconsciously absorbing those messages, so perhaps a chat about food = food might be a good idea, so that any internalised shame is dealt with now, whilst she’s still young. I’ve always told my children that if the food is there, they can eat it, unless it’s packed lunch food, and all of them at some time ate so much chocolate that they felt really ill and that was okay too, because they learnt that chocolate = nice occasionally but it needs to be eaten in moderation.

Because I live in a hot place, I tend to airfryer a joint of meat/chops/steaks and have a platter of different salad veggies, potato/rice/pasta salad, coleslaw, pickled veggies, beetroot etc., and I also will make some “fancy” artisan bread or rolls to go with it (it’s easier to cook in the middle of the day when the solar panels pay for the aircon!). DH and DS will demolish the bread/rolls as well as eating the carb salads, as they have jobs where they are on their feet all day and walk a lot (~30,000 steps per day). They will also then have cake or fruit pies or a chocolate bar (though chocolate is not chosen often), fruit or biscuits afterwards. It sounds a lot but being physically active, it really isn’t. Perhaps offer some bread with dinner, so DD is having something to fuel her sports before the activity.

Try not to get too stressed or anxious about this though, as she will pick up on it.

Are you picking her up from her activities? Don’t discuss it - just put a container of food and a bottle of water into her lap before you drive away. Dc is about to finish schools and I do it even now. Make sure she drinks as well as eats.

Top tip - if they are filling their mouths with food, they can’t tell you what an awful parent you have been today. Once they are no longer hungry, you’re not an awful parent any more.

Exactly. Becareful you don't make her feel ashamed or bad about needing a snack.

She’s sitting on the sofa /carving out rest/downtime because she does 3 sporting activities! If that’s 3 a week I think the chill time is needed and normal!
Sitting on sofa not doing anything at all times would be a cause for concern.

Also re the cream crackers- they are really low calorie I don’t think it’s that bad (if you said that many in biscuits-different story).

I don’t see a problem with anything in this post.

I agree with this

Crackers and banana

Crackers and hummus

Crackers and cottage cheese with fruit

Crackers and some hard cheese

Crackers with cold cooked chicken

I think all the above would be better than Crackers with butter

She still sounds hungry to me post sport. Crackers are not filling

You also sound ultra vigilant and intense, she needs to be able to relax and rest at home. Let her be.

You sound like you have an issue with food, which you're inflicting on your daughter. If it's too much of a problem for you, clear out all the snacks and just have fruit or raisins. No child or adult needs more than 3 meals a day. If you need to be regimented, do it in a safe way. But your daughter has picked up on the fact that you're watching her like a hawk. I'd honestly like to know if you're a normal, healthy weight, who exercises regularly. Or whether you've had issues with weight. Because most people don't get to the point of watching every single calorie consumed for a "slim-build" child. Also have you thought about an activity you could do with your child and/or her friends? Maybe run a homework group or go pond-dipping or a park? If this is harsh, it's because I don't understand why you're getting freaked out by what your child is eating, at her young age when you're mostly responsible for what she is eating.

You actually sound crackers.

4 cream cracker sandwiches seems to be a reasonable supper to me.

I'm wondering if you would be as concerned if she was a boy? There is a tendency to be amused and indulgent about boys' appetites but worried about girls'

No child or adult needs more than 3 meals a day.

Please could you cite studies that state this? A well-rounded days food should include 2 healthy snacks and 3 meals, or for a growing child like this one that does a lot of sports, or for an athlete, a post-exercise snack is also appropriate as an addition to the 2 snacks/3 meals!

I think DD is too wiped out after sports to think about doing a "healthy" or high protein snack and goes for the easiest/quickest option.

Maybe she just fancied it. You don't have to see the point.

There was no point to the cuppa and biscuits I just had other than I fancied it and it was delicious.

Is this really a thread dissecting the choice of snack of a 10 year old?!

My dd is 10 and is always hungry she is very slim and active I think it’s just her age.

Fancy getting in a stew over bloody cream crackers. It's hardly like she's eaten 10 bars of chocolate!

I used to eat the most preposterous amount and stayed thin as a rake until I stopped growing when it started to catch up with me. She's probably just growing. I used to have choc bar at break, 3 courses with pudding at lunch, greggs chicken and bacon sandwich after school, sweets, supper and then I think a snack before bed too! I was skinny as anything. I think it's normal for some people!

I wouldn't have given this any thought at all. Except maybe to add crackers to my shopping list.
Fuss about nothing.

DD2 got slightly more solid at this age and I had to stop people commenting - it really was slight change but people are nasty and It did make me silently worry.

Then she shot up an entire foot and got lot of comments of she started her periods well no that was about 2 years later - but it was the last big and probably biggest growth spurt any of mine had and she thin as a rake and taller than most of her peers since.

Crackers aren't filling - so perhaps crackers and other option may have been better- she is at age growth spurt is likely and you say she not overweight and she is very active - frankly it does sound like a you issue.

I'm more worried about you than her after reading that.

I would say this is only a problem if

1. your child is overweight
2. doesn’t exercise
3. eats out of habit/comfort rather than hunger.

Your child is nine of the above so leave her be. She is likely having a growth spurt and requires the extra fuel.

Do not create a problem where there isn’t one.

The issue with any mention of meals is what people think is a portion. I wonder what your meal portion sizes are. This is why any mention of food on here, too much or too less is so hard to gauge.DS made a sandwich yesterday. His sandwich consisted of half a packet of smacked salmon a handful of rocket about a tablespoon of mayonnaise and a massive chunk of cheese. If I made that sandwich it would have had half the amount of everything in and no mayonnaise but its still a salmon and cheese sandwich with salad.

I wouldn’t say anything at all you said yourself she does three sports and is slim.

Are you quite restrictive/ comment a lot when it comes to food? Because 8 crackers at that age really isn't alot! I ate a ton at 10 and was a healthy weight.

Please don't ever comment on what she's eating, that can be so damaging at that age.

I wouldn't be concerned over 8 crackers but I'd be trying to make her choose more filling food.

8 crackers would only fill me for 15 minutes before I got a bit peckish again and she is a growing girl that exercises. Unless she's getting overweight I'd let her control her own appetite and just guide some healthy/filling food onto those snacks such as instead of just crackers what about crackers with cheese and meats or crackers with a yogurt and fruit etc

Just head to read the responses from nutrionists. Fortunately we have plenty on MN.

If she’s slim and active what’s the issue?

I have an 8 year old daughter. She’s skinny, she’s sporty, she does plenty and while she wouldn’t demolish 8 buttered cream crackers (she doesn’t like them!) she’d think nothing of smashing through a box of Ritz crackers.

It’s not a great snack, but it’s nothing to get worked up about in my opinion. Crackers are easy for them to sort out - minimal effort and fill a hole.

I tell her to have yoghurt/peanut butter/bananas/cheese etc as well - something that fills them up better. That takes a bit more effort for her than crackers though.

Just have better/healthier/whatever you want to call it snack options.