To think its OK to make mistakes as a mother

[Reallytired]

Bringing up children is a minefield. Children are individuals and don't come with instruction manuals.

Its OK, if a mother (or father) once in a blue moon does something she regrets. Being occassionally shouted at or (shock! horror! even smacks a child) is not the end of the world. There is a problem if a parent thinks its OK to be violent on a regular basis. However most adults have turned out OK inspite of inferior parenting methods.

I think that if we try to be too perfect and follow supernanny/ Gina ford/ William Sear/ the dog nextdoor to letter you end up with a relationship with a book instead of your own child.

I think its a learning curve and how will you know if
a, you've never done it before
b, you don't try

no child is the same and tried and trusted techniques don't work for them all

YANBU!

the only way to make no mistakes, is to never do anything
That's my grand dad's favourite saying

YANBU reallytired.

We have rules in our house - if I do something I shouldn't have done (which I do and have done on many an occasion), I apologise and I also explain if there are other factors - I'm tired, back's bad etc. If the children do something wrong, they apologise.

When DP does something wrong.....................oh, sorry - he never does anything wrong I forgot

wisteria

I don't iron.

I let my kids eat carp behind my back.

I occasionally yell myself hoarse at my kids, only stopping when I begin to laugh at the ridiculousness of it.

I lie and say I have studying to do, when I wan't peace to go on Mumsnet.

I have been known to cook meals where EVEN THE VEG have come from "ready cook" chiller isle out of sheer laziness.

I ensure my kids take supplements at b'fast so I can rationalise the horrid choccy cereals they eat.

I am human and as my kids have survived so long relatively unscathed, I still consider myself to be an excellent mother.

And I am, and so are you ALL too.

oohh katiescarlett you're sooooooo much worse than me, I don't let mine eat carp!!!

other than that am on a par!

Actually, I think carp is good for children. Lots of Omega 3.

And IMO, Any one who parents like super nanny is so not perfect!

To the OP, of course you're not unreasonable. I did know a "perfect" mother once who never messed up (possibly helped b the fact that she worked and had a nanny) and belive me, I always thought she was a bit cold, and her son was, well, how can I put it... fucked up.

I read some of the threads on here and for me it's quite a shame-fest for about half a minute.

Organic? not unless I buy it by mistake.

Oh, and I SMOKE too!(Sneakily in the Garage, which I lie about to the kids).

The only Omega 3 my kids get is via the 4 capsules of Efalex they swallow every day.

And my kitchen floor is mercifully dark slate so the dirt doesn't show, which is good because I rarely clean it.

But they still seem to love me, despite the above. My house is always full of kids friends and I like them, too.

Only good mums come on mn cause we need to know the latest mistake someone else has made and make sure we never do it !!!But i dont think you can ever lie to your kids they arent silly ( you can probably smell the fags hunny !!) I feel guilty when my dd1 eats nothing except baked beans but at least i dont share a room with her !!

What I want to avoid are my children coming on here like many Mumsnetters and saying that they hate their Mothers who could have done this/that/better. It chills me

Message withdrawn

It's not only OK, it's inevitable.

Btw, frozen veg are positively GOOD for you, lose less of their vitamin content than the ordinary stuff which has been hanging about a day or two since it was picked.

Of course they know I smoke, but they enjoy trying to catch me out and are not fooled for a second by my exaggerated claims of innocence. "Who me, smoking? nevvvahhh!"

They are 12 and 11 BTW, and I use the same "technique" for farting and I know they know I do that too.

It's what I'm best at!!! And improving at all the time

I blame the greens, myself.

I think as long as you give unconditional love and security the rest doesn't matter-you can only do your best. The less than perfect bits go down as family jokes in our house and we can all look back and have a good laugh! It is much better than trying to be perfect.

i try and make sure we have a decent diet but sometimes we slip.

i let dd watch far too much tv

i sometimes shout far too much

but i love dd and ds unconditionally and they know that

psml at kids eating carp.

Course it's ok.
Do you think even 40 years ago people worried about this sort of stuff? Dh can't remember his parents playing with him once (they were too busy earning a living and running a home) and yet both he and they are the most delightful loving and balanced people I know.

ah, you're making me feel much better moondog. i don't really play the DS that much, i prefer to get out and about with him if we're going to do 'family' stuff. i just feel really awkward about zooming toy cars around. i never remember my parents playing with me either, but am very close to both of them.

fingers crossed he'll not end up in therapy years from now coz i didn't pay thomas the tank engine with him.

soopermum don't feel bad about not playing with your DS, it doesn't make you a bad parent.

I strive to be a good enough parent, rather than a perfect parent, and I want DS to grow up thinking it's ok to be real and normal and feel a range of emotions, so I don't think twice about shouting sometimes, or being upset, or angry, or extatic, or moody, or silly, or emotional, or playful, or serious.

I don't do playing though, not in the "I'll push this car around and you push that one around and we'll make car noises too". Does anyone do this regularly with their kids?

I think good enough is fine. I always felt guilty about not kicking a football around when they were little but it didn't stop them being keen footballers later.
They need to deal with different moods, frustration,failure etc. I think perfect is very worrying-how do you live up to it as a child? It worries me far more if parents are so rigid about things like diet that they see a DC friend's birthday as a nuisance because they may give DC some sweets!

To all my fellow "good enough parents", you have made my day!

I completely agree that letting your kids see that you are a fallible human being should not place unreasonable expectations on them to be perfect. Also, a sense of humour goes a long way.

I have maybe kicked a ball with my kids twice and it hasn't stopped either of them playing various sports for their schools/clubs. (I paid for and ferried them to their lessons, instead!).

And let's face it, playing with small kids toys is, well, dull! (Unless it's dancing or dressing up, preferably at the same time).

The best thing for kids is a happy Mum.