To be annoyed with my dad?

[SilverChairs]

DD (11) used to sleep at my dad’s house once every few weeks which she loved until he moved house. He moved into a huge house with lots of land etc (partly for her apparently!) and she stayed once two years ago (when she was 9) - came home saying she didn’t like that house and didn’t want to sleep there anymore. Wouldn’t say why.
She wouldn’t go back for ages then eventually went back last year for one night in May. Ended up screaming in the middle of the night saying there was a little kid in her bedroom. I told her (and my dad told her) she would have been dreaming but this stopped her going back for another year 🤦‍♀️ anyway she went back last weekend and ended up screaming saying she’d seen a woman walking into one of the bedrooms, couldn’t be consoled, I had to go and pick her up.

Readon I’m annoyed with my dad … he told her “it’s ok, I’ve seen her too but she’s harmless” !! WTF would you say this to a child?! She’s never going to go back now. He said he was just trying to be honest and let her know it wasn’t anything to worry about. She’s now terrified. AIBU to be annoyed with my dad?!

for the record, I’m non woo. So was my dad until recently. I think DD has picked up on stuff she’s heard from other kids in the family - she certainly didn’t need it confirming

What is non woo?

She's been 2-3 times in 2 years before his comment. Not much of a detriment.

What was he supposed to say? The "you were dreaming" line doesn't seem to have worked if it took a year for her to return. Saying whatever she saw was harmless seems about the only thing left. He wasn't making a big deal of it (and for all you know he has seen this woman too). Sounds like worrying about it's just something your daughter will have to outgrow eventually.

It's obviously ok to be annoyed, and admittedly, unless he says that he actually believes to have seen this woman, then he probably didn't help, but his intention was good.
I generally forgive people and move on when they do things with good intentions, even if they aren't the best ideas.

I am also non woo, but if it had been my daughter I would believe that she believes what she saw.
Could you stay in the same room as her if you stay over again?

The opposite of woo

Why aren't you dealing with this instead of blaming your dad?

Either your DD sees dead people as in the Sixth Sense film or she is having bad dreams. It doesn't happen at home? Was you dad not supposed to move house in case she doesn't like it?

Why don't you go and stay with her at your dad's to get her used to it?

I suspect that, as she refuses to believe that she's just dreaming (she is absolutely dreaming, by the way - seeing things like human figures in the room while half awake is a very common thing, especially when away from home) your dad thought that he might at least be able to help her be less frightened of what she sees when she's dreaming. So I can see where he's coming from. It's almost like when parents play along with their child when the child has an imaginary friend, rather than saying, 'Don't be silly, Charlie isn't real so of course he can't come to the shops with us' or whatever. So while I personally don't think it was the right approach that he took, I think he probably meant well and just thought it might be of more comfort than telling her that what she saw doesn't exist. I can see why you're annoyed, as I'm also very non-woo, but I think his heart's probably in the right place.