Meet-ups making me comfort eat

[annoyed663]

I’ve really tried to be more sociable for my kids sake this week. I’ve arranged multiple play dates since Saturday and I’ve realised after each one no matter how nice it is in the moment I come home fed up, upset and eat non-stop. I am an emotional eater but this is another level, I literally haven’t stopped. What is wrong with me? I really want a nice day at home (planned no play dates tomorrow) but already dreading Friday and Saturday ones.

i know it’s not normal to feel this way so what is wrong with me? I feel it’s such a waste of my time which I know is selfish as my kids have a lovely time rather than being cooped up at home all day. I hate it.

I have something similar perhaps. I'm socially awkward, and if I force myself to go out socially, say with work colleagues, however much I enjoy it in the moment, ,and however well it goes. As soon as I leave the venue to go home I feel down, and depressed and hating myself.

Not because I've done anything wrong...and sometimes I've actually done quite well making conversation etc... But it just seems to highlight how I'll always be an outsider.

I think it's irrational, and maybe not what's happening with you. But that's why I find these sorts of things hard.

@TwitTwoodiniEscapeOwlogist thats exactly how I feel! I hate myself after ea h meet up. I’m sorry you’re feeling like this too. Has anything worked for you?

I feel very similar. Any kind of socialising absolutely wears me out. I think it's just harder being introverted. And the eating is just for comfort. There are worse habits I guess! Sorry I don't have any advice if I did I would follow it myself haha

When you get back home go brush your teeth! Stops me drinking coffee and eating biscuits!

@WalKat thank you. I go through phases I feel I’m missing out when I hear of other peoples half term plans but then when I do make effort to meet people I hate it!

It sounds like you feel drained from socialising, so are trying to perk yourself up by eating. I often feel drained and spaced out after socialising, so I take myself off for a cup of tea and silence for a bit when we get home.
You've recognised what you are doing. Don't stop the kids from socialising, but do think about how you can make it easier for yourself and what you can do to 'recover' afterwards.

I just feel like peoples comments annoy me. Like yesterday one friend I haven’t seen for a while asked me if I was expecting as I’ve put weight on! Seriously!

I would figure out what’s making you feel fed up and upset.

Could you reduce the meet ups?
Do them at a different time instead?
Have the kids at yours but not the adults?
Meet up and go for a walk instead?

If you are an emotional eater then you need to get to the route of why you are feeling emotional.

I too am an emotional eater and eat when I’m stressed.
I starting going on the exercise hike and listening to an audiobook/music when I’ve had a stressful day.
If I’ve exercised I don’t feel like eating.

I also try and have things like a cup of tea or hot squash if I need something for comfort.
I’ll often have a shower/bath, then a warm drink.

If I’m eating in the evening for no reason then I go to bed early and read, play on my phone, watch a movie etc.

That's no friend

I've not found a solution yet. And I hear you with people annoying you. I feel as though I'm the most unjudgmental person ever, I'm so liberal and live and let live. BUT, when I'm actually with real people, they so bloody annoy me all the time. They seem to just randomly lie, or be pointlessly mean.... and the more I write this stuff down, the more I realise the problem is with me, not them. That's how people are and I need to get on with it. But it's so bloomin' draining.

Is there anything specific that you eat when stressed?
Could you do something to distract you from eating, or have something special as a sugar fix after your outing (e.g. piece of fruit, hot chocolate drink or favourite bar of chocolate)?

i eat anything even if I don’t enjoy it which is odd. I had 6 slices of bread n butter within 10 minutes of coming back then my dinner plus kids left overs. I feel so sick and stomach hurts but I keep eating. I think truthfully I’m quite lonely but I have never met anyone I really click with. One friend for example I met up with made a silly remark such as someone came up to her and asked if she was so and so’s mum (insert child name) and she told me she didn’t like that as people hide behind their kids! I mean like that’s a normal think to do isn’t it to introduce yourself and your child or is it not? I just find everything so stressful. I try to be easy going but peoples comments really annoy me but I just smile and nod politely then come home and eat my frustrations away. I don’t have a good relationship with husband either. He’s either working or just zoned out infront of tv.

I really want to click with someone but all my relationships are superficial in the sense I’m listening to everyone’s problems or listening to them rattle on and on about pointless things.

I think you need to find an activity where you meet people who are more like you. It could be something like an educational, craft, or exercise class, running/walking group, choir, anything. Something where you will be stretched a bit, and you might make new friends

In the meantime, try to avoid picking between meals. I used to be terrible for coming in after work and nibbling away at things like biscuits. I stopped having an evening meal and put a block on eating after I came home. (Adult DC who no longer live with me, DP makes his own/gets a takeaway).

It sounds like your 'friends' drain energy out of you.

i'm no psychologist, but I suspect that the eating is you trying to soothe and nurture yourself, maybe you could find another way to wind down after your meet ups. Meditation or something so you get just a few minutes to yourself.

That sounds like binge eating disorder to me. And the chat, other than the pregnancy thing, sounds like general small talk. Small talk is really just talking about pointless things. It’s not supposed to be deep and meaningful.

have you a history or an eating disorder, or weight related issues? How do you feel about yourself physically and how you present? Are you confident in yourself?

The 'Are you pregnant?' thing isn't that unusual. It's rude, tactless and small-minded but it happens.

I think labelling the over-eating after the meet-ups as an ED isn't helpful, the problem isn't the eating, it's the draining nature of the meet-ups.

I’m not sure I agree on the eating disorder stuff. Because often eating disorders have a trigger. And those are seldom singular. Stress, loneliness, happiness, whatever.

the op hasn’t clarified her history round food, but eating six slices of bread and butter, them your dinner them the left overs is a binge. Not as bad as binges can get, but clearly a binge. She said she was in pain, and kept eating.

we shouldn’t hide away from discussing it.

This is very much what I have always done and I am ND - you're not by any chance? As there are local ND groups that have meet-ups and they are totally different - lots of shared experience and no longer feeling like the weird outsider.

@Janieforever , it's disordered eating but there is an obvious cause. It's the cause that's the issue. Labelling it an ED puts another problem on the OP, not a solution. It's looking at the symptoms not the cause.

Again, we agree to disagree and I’m asking the op not you. She has said she emotional eats, so there is clearly other issues around food. However as said, respectfully, I am asking the op, not you.

@Janieforever , I'm out.