To think I shouldn’t have to keep bailing out DD’s friend with money

[Everythingnotsavedwillbelost73]

DD 11 has started going into town with ger friend. But every time something happens- last time her friend ‘ran out of money’ so DD ended up giving her some (it wasn’t given back) and today her friend lost her bag. The parents cancelled her card but DD has rung up asking if we can lend the friend money.
Aibu to think the parents should take the girl some money - they have managed to cancel her debit card so need to also ensure she has money. It’s not up to us to bail out again.

I don’t mean to sound tight but we don’t have lots of money and it’s not ever given back when we do lend it so I am reluctant:

Aibu?

Refuse to bail her out and send her parents a message about the money you're already owed and ask them to pay it back.

You don't know the home situation; it could be the girl has already spent a generous pocket money allowance and is using you to get more, it could be her parents have nothing to give her, either way this isn't your problem to solve - especially as you say you're short on cash yourself.

Maybe you can suggest some activities they can do for free one day though, instead of going to the shops?

It's down to her and her parents to sort it out OP. Please don't step in again or this will become a habit. Just tell your daughter, 'sorry, I don't have the money to help her AGAIN, I'm afraid she needs to learn to be more responsible like you are!' That way you're praising your own kid, and telling her that her way is the best way, then perhaps she'll start telling her friend that she needs to do like she does, ie, look after her money, only spend what she has, etc.

Of course it's up to the friend's parents to sort this out.
I would offer a lift home if they travelled on public transport to go shopping but it's up to the friend's parents to decide if their dd is responsible enough to go shopping yet.
You definitely shouldn't lend money to someone who owes money and dd needs to learn this so that she doesn't become the mug financing her friend's shopping trips.

Tell Dd that it's not your responsibility.
The parents can transfer some money to your dd and she can withdraw it for her friend but you are not paying again

DD just rang me to tell me she’d bought her friend a pair of socks from primark. I am going to have to have a discussion about it for sure. It makes me feel quite stressed as I shouldn’t have to go to the parents about it!

She has to call her parents to sort it out. Not your job.

Could this be a case of your daughter having a very kind heart and leaping in to "help" her friend (with your money, of course) before anything has been said?

@Wingedharpy oh definitely!

I think if the generosity is one way only you need to have a conversation with your DD about this.
If they 'run out of money' again then they come home. You can't go shopping with empty pockets. Your DD needs to understand this isn't how friendships should work.

So, there's your answer OP.
Speak to your DD - no need to speak to friend's parents or friend, as it's your DD involving you - not them.
This is what you get when you raise them to " be kind to others"😉

I think your daughter is out of her depth and you need to step in here. Contact the parents.

When your DD gives her money or buys her things, do you then reimburse your DD?

If so you need to stop.

This used yo happen with my DD. She would buy people things and then just expect me to pay her back.

You need to try and make contact with the parents. Kids take the path of least resistance so maybe the friend's parents are less accommodating.