To want to spend a milestone birthday alone

[Al679]

Hi All

I’ve been married for more than 20 years, with teen children.

Next year is a milestone birthday and I’m starting to think that I really want to spend it alone. Nearly 10 years ago, my husband stopped buying me birthday presents - we were away and he was going to get me something when we got back. He didn’t and hasn’t since, even though he will make a big show of asking people what he should get.

we don’t celebrate my birthday at all, unless I buy a cake. We celebrate everyone else’s though (because I organise it)

I feel pathetic saying this but I’m tired of having my birthday ignored. AIBU to say that rather than living with the lack of acknowledgement, I would rather do something to celebrate it on my own?

And what would I even do if I did? Because of a special caring responsibility, we tended to go out less and with that, and a full time job, I don’t have a wide circle of friends anymore.

I am planning to go away alone for my 50th, which is my next milestone. I have a husband, and teen children, but I want to do something for myself and not worry about anyone else. It also means I can spend more money on the trip. I know people think it’s a bit odd but I don’t care which is probably the best thing about getting older.

Go on a solo trip by yourself?

I'd go to a matinee, then a lovely meal and a night in a nice hotel.

Nothing odd about solo trips. Been doing them for 25 years.

I have my big birthday coming up and wouldn't mind just doing something nice for myself. So far I looked at booking a long weekend trip or a day at a spa (with all the trimmings). I generally quite like being on my own, no particular issues with my partner and we will most likely have a quiet celebratory dinner during the week with just the two of us. I will then have a long weekend to do whatever the hell I want (as he will be working Saturday and Monday).
But the issue with us is that our birthdays are 4 days apart which always feels a bit like a joint affair. And I would want something just for me this year.

I would go to Florence or Venice and spend the time pleasing myself and consider a Shirley valentine moment!

Are you still happy to stay married? I would be reconsidering that too. You deserve far better.

My birthday is bang in between xmas and new year, there has never been a single year anyone like my friends have been free. So I now never bother asking anyone and always do my own thing, spa breaks, long haul trips to warmer climates or sometimes just simple movie and top notch restaurant meal.

Whatever takes your fancy.

I go to the theatre alone. No-one notices because often people can't get seats together and only one usually goes the bar etc. I go down to London on the day, go to my hotel, see the show, do some sightseeing and then shopping/sightseeing the next day. Premier inn hubs are good because of the film's. I love places like Hampton court palace and flower shows and it's great not to have to compromise one bit.

I share your dream. Do it. I have young kids so can't but if I could bigger off for a few days on my birthday and leave kids with someone capable I absolutely would

I’ve done this before and it’s lovely! Do it. Doesn’t matter what anyone thinks. You go and treat yourself! I’d be telling your husband some home truths about why though

I think you should book an amazing solo trip - something like interrailing to Italy. Use the money saved up from presents your DH didn’t buy. I get it, my DH hasn’t got me anything for two years, as he thinks I need to tell him what to buy!

That is really sad. Nothing wrong with spending a birthday alone, but it sounds like it’s not by choice. I wonder if, due to what sounds like the complete thoughtlessness of DH, over the years your DC have now got the impression that you don’t like to celebrate your birthday?

I think in your situation I would sit DH and DC down and say “right, for my 50th/60th (whatever it is!) I want to do X”. Really
make it clear- whether it’s a party, a family holiday or a day to yourself. Just tell them exactly what you want- all of them so that the DC nag your DH!

And if after all that it still doesn’t happen, I would be reconsidering my marriage.

Every year I have a birthday day out alone. I get breakfast, shop, see an exhibition, have lunch, more shopping then a show or cinema. I buy myself some expensive chocolates and have the best time.
My husband is lovely but rubbish at birthdays.
I go alone because I can do exactly what I want. It's bliss.

I've just done a solo spa trip. It was amazing! I had a treatment, a lovely evening meal and then a coastal walk the following day. It's my first ever solo trip and I'll be doing it annually from now on. Go for it!