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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas

53 replies

Kiwifruit1 · 25/10/2023 06:59

Hi. I'm wondering out of curiosity..is it acceptable to give £5 to a niece or nephew as their gift? If you work full time or live at home. Is £5 for their only niece or nephew acceptable?

I'm curious.

Thankyou 😊

OP posts:
itsmyp4rty · 25/10/2023 08:08

I don't see the issue at all. The fiver doesn't have to be spent in isolation, it can be added in to other birthday money. If you start giving large amount of money and the other person has more and more kids you could end up spending a fortune between all the birthdays and Christmas.

MaryShelley1818 · 25/10/2023 08:08

If I was spending £5 I'd probably buy a gift instead- maybe a book and some sweets which would be a lovely gift.

daffodilandtulip · 25/10/2023 08:12

They're likely to get other bits of cash or vouchers, which will probably add up to something they've had their eye on.

CateringPanic · 25/10/2023 08:13

I think my brother and SIL would be very disappointed if I only gave my niece and nephew £5, especially my nephew who is 15 and knows that’s only enough for a coffee - and they know my costa habit!

If you can only spend £5, I agree with pp that it is better to try and get something with it that looks like more - groupons, 3for2s in boots rather than stick a sad fiver in a card - you don’t even see many £5 notes these days!

I normally spend IRO £25-£40 on each which I don’t think is particularly excessive!

Original poster
Kiwifruit1 · 25/10/2023 08:21

Thankyou.
I think its more that no thought goes into it. I would spend £15 or more on Christmas presents for my nieces or nephews and we really don't have money to spare. I think its more the fact they don't bother with them then send £5 in a card, no thought given and I know they have more money than we do.
Thanks for you replies.

OP posts:
ForfarFourEastFifeFive · 25/10/2023 08:22

I think the giver here (can’t tell if the OP is the giver or the mother of the recipient from the OP) might be young and just starting out, as the OP mentions working full time and living at home. Youngsters in that position often don’t have much spare, so giving a gift at all is kind.

Either way, there is no minimum or maximum gift expectation, ever. If someone is kind enough to just give someone something, then whatever they choose to give or can afford to give is fine! You can’t put obligations on people according to some artificial scale of acceptability you’ve made up. It’s like ‘covering your meal’ when giving cash at a wedding. Urgh. Just no. If you expect people to pay for themselves, be up front about it and just go out to a restaurant and all get separate bills.

Desecratedcoconut · 25/10/2023 08:25

Kiwifruit1 · 25/10/2023 08:21

Thankyou.
I think its more that no thought goes into it. I would spend £15 or more on Christmas presents for my nieces or nephews and we really don't have money to spare. I think its more the fact they don't bother with them then send £5 in a card, no thought given and I know they have more money than we do.
Thanks for you replies.

I think it's stingy. Are you a Kiwi - just looking at your username?

CryptidChangeling · 25/10/2023 08:32

Cash gifts are definitely frowned upon on Mumsnet, but I always loved getting them as a kid. Don't give more than you can afford, no point going into debt to give a gift to kids who are likely already getting plenty

RubyRubyRubyy · 25/10/2023 08:36

I think it's fine. It's not a lot but my DH used to give his nieces and nephews £5 each. There are a few of them and they can save up their Christmas money if they wish.

You should give what you want to, not just what you can afford.

Soffii87 · 25/10/2023 08:39

I think it’s fine :)

Original poster
Kiwifruit1 · 25/10/2023 08:41

I dont mind the fact its a cash gift. Its more that I would give more than that at a birthday party of a child I barely knew, as that is the norm these days. £5 might have been acceptable say when I was young, but everyone knows you cant get much with it these days. I'm not being ungrateful, but to me, it's just not much at all to give to family.

OP posts:
AlwaysPrettyOnTheInside · 25/10/2023 08:44

Kiwifruit1 · 25/10/2023 08:41

I dont mind the fact its a cash gift. Its more that I would give more than that at a birthday party of a child I barely knew, as that is the norm these days. £5 might have been acceptable say when I was young, but everyone knows you cant get much with it these days. I'm not being ungrateful, but to me, it's just not much at all to give to family.

You need to look up the definition of ungrateful.

jiinglebells · 25/10/2023 08:45

"It's not much at all to give to family"

Sounds like there is a bit of ungratefulness tbh.

It's Christmas - it's not about the money! £5, £0, £100 - it doesn't matter how much cash is given, it's Christmas, it's nice to be given anything.

Following the "norm these days" of ever increasing cash amounts to be spent on birthdays, Christmas etc is just silly - it'll never end! It's a trap that's easy to fall into and it's just unstoppable, if they don't want to follow those trends that's absolutely a-okay.

JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn · 25/10/2023 08:51

And this is why we don't do any gifts once children are 18. In fact we don't do any gifts for anyone over 18 in our family. No one needs anything. It's all too much pressure and expense. And generally people aren't happy with what they get!

AutumnCrow · 25/10/2023 09:02

OP, your relatives want to set the bar at a fiver in a card. Join them there at that bar, and reciprocate in kind.

Kids can put a fiver in their piggy banks or spend it at the corner shop. It really isn't an awful gift. It's merely a tad frugal, at a time of indulgence and consumption.

Cinateel · 25/10/2023 09:05

My ex's mum used to do this with her grandchildren. They were always delighted with it and looked forward to it. As a child I always looked forward to a little bag of sweets my Great aunt sent every Christmas. I have given my Grandchildren a ten pound note blue-tacked to a bar of chocolate or a small selection box, later to a 4 pack of lager. It's the thought that counts!!

ElevenSeven · 25/10/2023 09:07

Kiwifruit1 · 25/10/2023 08:41

I dont mind the fact its a cash gift. Its more that I would give more than that at a birthday party of a child I barely knew, as that is the norm these days. £5 might have been acceptable say when I was young, but everyone knows you cant get much with it these days. I'm not being ungrateful, but to me, it's just not much at all to give to family.

You are massively ungrateful. And the fact that they have more money than you is neither here nor there.

If you spend £15 when you can’t really spare it, then that’s your own stupidity.

Sammilouwho · 25/10/2023 09:14

We would be more than happy with a fiver or a gift card to her favourite shop.
Instead we get a tonne of stuff she doesn't like.

My cousin tends to get something tiny but fill the gift bag with sweets, that's my favourite present most years :)

Original poster
Kiwifruit1 · 25/10/2023 09:18

I think that people on here like to insult. This is the first time I've posted on here, genuinely just wondering if people think it's acceptable to give their own family £5 in a card..when they have money to do whatever they want.
People can voice their opinions without being rude.
People have their own ideas of what is acceptable or not. I personally think it's not.

OP posts:
ItsThatTimeAgainXmas · 25/10/2023 09:21

Onceuponaheartache · 25/10/2023 07:21

A gift should be accepted with grace and gratitude irrespective of its value. Any other behaviour is grabby and entitled

This is how we should feel OP but in answer to your question then No it's not acceptable especially if it was just £5 shoved in a card- I don't even do that for school kids birthday parties. For an only niece or nephew I don't think that's on unless there's a massive backstory.

ItsThatTimeAgainXmas · 25/10/2023 09:22

Kiwifruit1 · 25/10/2023 09:18

I think that people on here like to insult. This is the first time I've posted on here, genuinely just wondering if people think it's acceptable to give their own family £5 in a card..when they have money to do whatever they want.
People can voice their opinions without being rude.
People have their own ideas of what is acceptable or not. I personally think it's not.

It's not OP. Stop making any effort for these people they obviously don't give a shit.

inappropriateraspberry · 25/10/2023 09:27

I'd rather have nothing than £5 in a card. These days £5 doesn't go far and is a bit of an insult/passive aggressive.
We used to have a budget of £10-15 for niblings, but it has increased to about £20 as costs increase.

Prescottdanni123 · 25/10/2023 09:30

£5 from someone struggling to make ends meet is given with much more generosity than £500 from someone earning six figures.

ForfarFourEastFifeFive · 25/10/2023 09:31

Gosh, reading this thread, I am so glad I don’t have the sort of horrible, transactional relationships with my family that many of you are describing.

aSofaNearYou · 25/10/2023 10:12

Kiwifruit1 · 25/10/2023 08:21

Thankyou.
I think its more that no thought goes into it. I would spend £15 or more on Christmas presents for my nieces or nephews and we really don't have money to spare. I think its more the fact they don't bother with them then send £5 in a card, no thought given and I know they have more money than we do.
Thanks for you replies.

If they don't bother with them then it's an honest reflection of the fact that they don't have a close relationship - this is the sort of gift many give people they don't know that well. I'd personally think it was a bit tight if they were really close (though I would not say anything, I'd just personally put a bit more thought in if it were me) but by the sounds of things they are not overly close.