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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Halloween anxiety

17 replies

Monicasduster · 24/10/2023 20:34

So, as a kid I loved Halloween. I lived in a street with a bunch of friends, we all used to get dressed up, go to each other's houses for games then go round the houses of people we knew, did a 'turn' and got sweets. Great fun.

We live in a nice street, but don't know many of the other people who live here. Mix of families and older people. DS does go to school with a boy round the corner and we have had a couple of play dates in the past but I'm not really friends with his mum.

I got wind a few months ago that there was a street WhatsApp chat. Apparently nothing too active but some chat about plumber recommendations, that sort of thing. I asked a couple of other mums who have older children (who told me about the chat) if I could be added. They couldn't do it as not admins but said they'd get the admin to do it, took my number etc. Never been added so far.

One of the other things I learned is that there is a street Halloween party which apparently moves house every year. Have no idea who might be doing it this year but would imagine those in the chat know. I don't think DS (who is 6) would be too bothered. He likes going door to door for sweets and also likes handing them out but I'm sure would also enjoy a party if invited.

Things like this just bring out the social anxiety in me and the feelings of low self worth. I don't like pushing myself onto people but I also hate the idea of DS missing out and not enjoying the same type of childhood as I did. My anxiety leads me to feel like I'm deliberately excluded from the chat, which is probably ridiculous, but I don't know what else to do to try and integrate more. I'm not interested in making friends with everyone on the street but I would just like DS to have the opportunity to participate. Basically, it's about him, not me.

AIBU to feel so anxious about this? It's one day, over in a flash, but I feel it just highlights a larger issue.

I need to get a grip, don't I?

OP posts:
Igmum · 24/10/2023 20:49

Do you get on with your neighbours? Can you tell/ask one of them this? It's probably an oversight/busy admin doing other things. I'm sure they would love your DS to come to the street party. Just ask. (And I take all that back if you've set up a crack house/brothel or have drunken screaming fits in the middle of the road in the early hours)

Offcom · 24/10/2023 21:01

Maybe it’s just me but in my experience WhatsApp group adding of people you don’t have as an established contact seems quite glitchy? So I wouldn’t be surprised if something has gone wrong there…

Gremlins101 · 24/10/2023 21:09

You're being daft, and I would be exactly the same! Just ask again.... I'm sure they will add you. Can you tell me the same when I'm asking this question, please?

LNY1986 · 24/10/2023 21:32

I am so very glad I live in a cottage out in the middle of nowhere, away from all the cliquey 'close-knit' cramped estates.

Monicasduster · 24/10/2023 21:33

Gremlins101 · 24/10/2023 21:09

You're being daft, and I would be exactly the same! Just ask again.... I'm sure they will add you. Can you tell me the same when I'm asking this question, please?

Haha, I will!

OP posts:
Monicasduster · 24/10/2023 21:34

LNY1986 · 24/10/2023 21:32

I am so very glad I live in a cottage out in the middle of nowhere, away from all the cliquey 'close-knit' cramped estates.

I would probably enjoy that too, but I want DS to have friends close by that he can play with.

OP posts:
LNY1986 · 24/10/2023 21:41

Monicasduster · 24/10/2023 21:34

I would probably enjoy that too, but I want DS to have friends close by that he can play with.

My children have plenty of friends they can play with.

Thankfully though we don't have all the awful nosey neighbours, organised street parties and 'street WhatsApp groups'!!

GreeneryGrass · 24/10/2023 21:48

Nothing wrong with organised street parties and “street WhatsApp groups” if that’s what OP is into!

Freshair1 · 24/10/2023 22:12

Christ almighty. I couldn't get worked up about a street party. Yabu.

Monicasduster · 24/10/2023 22:13

@LNY1986 not sure why you have to be so sneery about it 🤷🏼‍♀️ I'm glad your children have friends to play with. I wouldn't mind driving DS to play dates but I would like him to have friends close by in the street to play with, as I did. You also obviously have more than one child.

OP posts:
sollenwir · 24/10/2023 22:16

LNY1986 · 24/10/2023 21:32

I am so very glad I live in a cottage out in the middle of nowhere, away from all the cliquey 'close-knit' cramped estates.

We live at the end of a row of houses, with several other rows/doubles of houses in one direction, yet we don't have any social media based chat groups or street Halloween parties, imho thankfully!

Monicasduster · 24/10/2023 22:19

Freshair1 · 24/10/2023 22:12

Christ almighty. I couldn't get worked up about a street party. Yabu.

I know, you're right. I just always worry about DS missing out, but I'm probably looking back on my own childhood with rose tinted glasses.

OP posts:
waterrat · 24/10/2023 22:23

Please dont take a negative attitude of cliques! This sounds like a lovely friendly community op. Stop overthinking. In life as I bave found you have to out yourself out there to get to know neighbours because people are busy and absorbed with day to day struggles

But some of the best experiences of parenting for me have come through getting to know neighbors and their kids

Remember you have to put in the effort as much as they do. Just keep asking for the whatsapp group add nobody will mind !

100 per cent you are not excluded its just something people don't remember to do

And...i really cant stress enough. Remember that you have to be the change you want to see in the world. If you want a good comnunity and neighborhood you have to be the good neighbour too

Summerscoming23 · 24/10/2023 22:23

I would be the same as you,of course you want your don invited. Probably an oversight hr might hear about it from his friend too. I'd ask again or ask for details.

Charlingspont · 24/10/2023 22:30

He's not missing out, because presumably he doesn't know about the WhatsApp group and the alleged party. Just plan to go trick or treating with him, and if you get a party invite, then lovely, but if not, it doesn't matter.

The WhatsApp group can wait. It's not personal, I expect the person who said they'd speak to the admins has forgotten.

sprigatito · 24/10/2023 22:38

It's a pity some of the supercilious school prefect types have found your thread. Best to ignore them.

Loads of people feel like this, honestly. Even some of the ones who seem really confident are curdling inside and doing it mainly for their kids. You have to decide what level of engagement you can cope with, don't put pressure on yourself not to be nervous, try and identify a kindred spirit or two you can huddle with (there will be someone who is feeling the same as you!) and try to offset the stressful events with periods of peace and quiet/whatever restores you.

It's hard when you're not naturally inclined to socialising, but you're right - you'll be glad you put yourself through it when your kids are older and you see them having better social skills than you! Mine are young adults now and still have friends they've grown up with, went trick-or-treating with as littlies etc. It's worth it.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 24/10/2023 22:57

Just because everyone else on your thread is an antisocial misery doesn't mean you have to be too @Monicasduster

I really wish I had a proper community around me - I know I can knock on next door for a favour or whatever, but I want a friend for me as well as my kids that I can drop in on for a cuppa without having to go far.

I grew up near to an RAF base and I envied the kids who lived on the housing estate, where they all played out all the time, were in and out of each others houses etc.

Either ask again or knock on a neighbour and ask. I'm sure they can't all be bastards that would rather one kid was missed out than add you?

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