Husband sit & chill every time I'm breastfeeding... (Lighthearted)

[Bearbookagainandagain]

And it drives me mad!!!
So we can be out and discuss everything that needs doing when we get home: prepping lunch for us and toddler, weeding a patch in the garden, starting a laundry... but every single time without fault, when I'm interrupted by the baby who wants a feed throughout the day, he will come, sit in the sofa and chill on his phone! As if I'm having a break, so he will too, and then when I'm finished everything else still needs doing!

It's better now because she is older so feeds are quicker, but when she was 2-3 months old it could be an hour! I don't understand what goes through his mind: I'm not having a break, I'm taking care of our child!

Sorry, rant over, he is a fantastic husband and father otherwise 😆

Does he not work?

Enjoy it while it lasts. He just wants to be with you both during this bonding time.

I feel your frustration 🙈 I’m expressing and will sometimes be feeding the baby a bottle at the same time. The other night my husband was sitting doing nothing then started asking whether I wanted to do X or Y (the choice of two different chores needing done). Eh hello, I’m doing a job right now, you go and get started! Whereas when I go to do housework il just silently go and get it done without having to split up jobs 😂

Oh, we had the same! I had to reframe, reframe. "He's spending quality time with us." Time just being with his family. Let go of the anxiety about all that isn't being done. I'm glad I held my tongue now years later.

He is allowed to rest! If something needs doing, ask him. Say "While I'm feeding Travis can you get X done?" "I know you want to sit down but could you quickly do Y while I sort Bob out, then we can have a sit down together"

Reframe it and pick your battles!

Reframing it as bonding time might be a little easier if he wasn't on his phone.

I wish my partner had wanted to sit with me during those times. I was so lonely. He would do some chores but definitely not all of them. He'd mostly use it as his downtime and go sit by himself. It makes me sad thinking about it again.

Nah he’s a lazy fuck and he doesn’t see why he should be working when you’re ‘having a break’.

my dh is like this, it’s infuriating and I bitterly resent it. He can’t admit it because it doesn’t sit with his self image.

Yep would annoy me. Get on and do something useful while I am trapped here, unhelpful twat.

^This

Talk to him about it?

"Hey DH, any chance you can get some things done whilst I'm bfing?"

"Hey DH, would nice if you put your phone down to chat to me."

Sorted.

Ugh. Aside from anything else, I’d be irritated by someone lurking while I’m breastfeeding. Particularly irritating when the baby reaches distractible age, and gets a bit nippy, and you just think, “Fuck off and do the chores, DP, I’m already doing mine and you’re making it harder!” And no, I’m not telling him “XYZ needs doing”, I’m not the household manager nor the assigner of tasks, he’s got a brain and eyes. Bare minimum he could bring me some water and nine bags of Minstrels for the insatiable breastfeeding hunger.

Ahah, I thought I wasn't the only one! It's annoying me but I know I'm a bit unreasonable. He does loads around the house, I think he is looking for any opportunities to have some down time because we don't get much with 2 under 2s. And in his mind, me sitting down to feed is a type of rest.
He also doesn't think ahead, so will start prepping food when hungry rather than 30 min before so it's ready when we all want to eat.

I definitely don't think he sees it as bonding time 😂he's glued to his phone! (We talk at other times, he's not a twat!)

My current strategy of occasional passive aggressive comments, whilst not being totally hostile has had some success to date!

Dh would find that funny.

I had a habit of sitting down to feed and reeling off lists of jobs that needed doing but of course I couldn't because I was feeding. So he'd be given orders to empty the bins, hand the washing up, could he just run upstairs and get my blanket because I was cold...

Refreshingly honest post. I’m sure lots of women would identify with this if they had the courage to admit it.

Sadly, lots of men are extremely selfish - it’s probably what they saw modelled at home themselves growing up.