to expect a bit of help

[QueenieL]

I have 3 DS aged 9-13 who currently do absolutely nothing around the house. I’m not expecting them to do chores (or maybe I should?) just general ‘maintenance’. Dirty clothes in washing baskets, wet towels picked up, toilet chains to be flushed, I’d love the milk to be put away after breakfast and the odd dish to make it to the dishwasher. That’s light hearted as its not major things but reality is, they’re terrible. Wet muddy clothes left inside out in random places, uniforms in balls on floors, cupboards left wide open and contents spread across the floor, wrappers from snacks ripped up and left all over carpets. My husband has severe ADHD so also absolutely shocking and I’m sure the 4 of them couldn’t actually function if I wasn’t there.

Problem is, I don’t know what’s reasonable with boys of that age and as my husband is just as bad if not worse, I don’t know what I can/should expect. I just know that I’m so constantly so busy with the dog, my job and then this pack of wild animals, that I’m about to hit rock bottom. I've tried to change things but just feel like I'm always nagging which isn’t me.

YABU – they’re children and its part of your job I’m afraid to be their mum! Stop the nagging

YANBU – this isn’t acceptable and they need to sort it out

If I’m not being unreasonable, tips to help me please!!

Be harsher with natural consequences. Leave the milk out to go bad and have no milk left. Get yourself a long life so you don't suffer. Leave the clothes in their rooms wet and horrible, they won't have clothes soon...

My four year old tidies up after herself, puts plates and cutlery in dishwasher, clothes in washing basket etc. You their mum not their slave and you’re not helping them by picking up after them.

Your job as a parent is to prepare your children for adulthood. Your eldest will be an adult in 5 years, and you haven't taught her that she needs to work. You are doing your children no favor.

And yes, they absolutely must do chores. Adults must work to survive, and children need to understand that before they become adults, or they will be in for a very difficult time.

This is only going to get worse once they hit teen years.

Iron them all out now or be stuck with a house full of man babies and divorces as their own marriages hit the wall once their future wives realise how useless they are. Start by taking away your services such as WiFi, cooked dinners, lifts and money. No more phones or laptops if you are still babies….

I served puréed food in plastic bowls one night with baby spoons. It was wonderful to see the visual impact. I then went to bed and left them to make toast and beans for supper grumbling about me having ‘lost it’ they did however help the next day, and continued more or less with the odd threat of no WiFi or baby food - their choice!

In pre tablet/wifi days my mother just used to remove the cable between the tv and the wall. Just a grey fuzz on screen.

We all had a list of jobs - daily, weekly and monthly. You learned that if you had your own jobs done, you were in the clear and the wrath couldn't descend. If the wrath descended, you'd get a ton of extra stuff to make up for the inconvenience of having to hassle you. So - clean clothes not put away = audit of the state of your actual drawers and wardrobe to see it had been put away "properly". Best not to invite further examination in the first place.

As for communal areas - split the work equally or link it to cold hard cash in the form of pocket money. We stopped electronic transfers of pocket money in the school holidays as regardless of how inconsiderate they'd been it went straight into their accounts. We set it up as it was less hassle than finding 2 x £5 notes a week. Now it's back to cash which is also giving them an appreciation of just how much hard work a minimum wage cleaning job is.

Yes, I would say remove the wifi. Tell them it will be put back when they've done the tasks.