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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed about this comment at work - just back from maternity leave?

36 replies

Anniewestest · 24/10/2023 14:02

not sure if I’m being overly sensitive, it’s my first day back at work from maternity leave, first time leaving DD all day etc. so might be being an overly emotional turd.

background -
my work couldn’t find appropriate cover for my maternity leave so had to get a contractor to fill 60% of my role instead - they could only afford a few days a week so some of my workload hasn’t been touched since going on Mat leave (so I’m a bit stressed after coming back).

It’s my first day back today and my first meeting of the day was a Q3 QBR with our regional director. Since I wasn’t here for Q3 my maternity cover was paid to come in for this meeting to present on our area as I’d not be able to answer any questions about what was done etc.

After they were done presenting our regional director said a comment I am quite pissed off about. They told my mat cover they were really impressed about all they achieved (which is fine, they did a really great job and I’m super happy about that) then she turned to me and said ‘Annie, you have some big boots to fill’

My view is, no I don’t have boots to fill. They were my boots to begin with! My mat cover had big boots to fill and they did a great job.

It’s just rubbed me the wrong way but I don’t know whether I’m being ott to be a bit pissed off about it.

OP posts:
Chowtime · 24/10/2023 14:06

Ignore. Regional Director probably pissed off because they themselves were mildly inconvenienced by you having a baby. Twat. (the RD, not you).

Whataretheodds · 24/10/2023 14:09

It might have been hard to hear but you're being given on a plate a pointer for what your RD likes.

She only worked 60% but has made a good impression- I'd definitely be taking notes and making a case for her to be paid to handover back to you if that's not already sorted.

Don't take it personally, don't agonise over it. Assume positive intent and take the gift that's been offered

StringersBell · 24/10/2023 14:12

Nope not you. I’d be exceptionally fucked off by that.

DNAwrangler · 24/10/2023 14:18

I Imagine it’s annoying because you are not filling her boots - they were yours in the first place!

BadSkiingMum · 24/10/2023 14:21

If they are generally a decent sort, I would assume that they are just trying to be a bit overly-complimentary to the cover person (who has done a good job and is now leaving after all) and they weren’t really thinking about the context of it being your job in the first place.

If there is a wider context of poor behaviour around your maternity leave then perhaps make a note of it.

Original poster
Anniewestest · 24/10/2023 14:23

@Whataretheodds I’m not being given a pointer, I already know that area of my work is the part most snr stakeholders like. Hence why I do a damn good job at it myself.

my mat cover has done a great job, but I also do a great job so I’m not sure why I have boots to fill when the boots were mine to begin with (plus I’m continually ranked in the top 2% of employees based on performance year after year when it comes to annual reviews)

OP posts:
Original poster
Anniewestest · 24/10/2023 14:25

@DNAwrangler this is definitely it. I was just shocked by the comment and then shocked by how much it pissed me off (then got worried I was being over sensitive Blush)

OP posts:
Original poster
Anniewestest · 24/10/2023 14:29

@BadSkiingMum yeah I’m hoping there was nothing meant by it and it was a slip. They weren’t great during my maternity leave so I wanted to see if I was being overly sensitive before maybe adding this to my list of annoyances that if it gets too long I’ll go to HR with!

OP posts:
DNAwrangler · 24/10/2023 14:30

I mean, it’s annoying for sure. Coming back from mat leave is a weird time. People (men!) who haven’t done it, just don’t get it.

Loopytiles · 24/10/2023 14:34

It’s a shit comment to anyone, and especially shit given the circumstances! Dick move by RD.

Does RD know you? Even more shit if so.

ManateeFair · 24/10/2023 14:40

I understand why it annoyed you, but I doubt the manager actually meant the comment to sound the way it did. It sounds a clumsy and tactless thing to say rather than a deliberate/literal one. I think it's one to roll your eyes over and move on from rather than to dwell on - but it's understandable that you felt a bit sensitive about it, given that you've only just returned to work. It's always a bit weird returning to a role that someone else has been covering, even if just returning from a secondment or something, and I'm sure it feels even more weird after mat leave when you've been away from the workplace entirely and are also adjusting to being apart from your baby, so remarks like that one obviously don't help at what's already a sensitive time. I think you need to put it behind you, and you'll settle back into your own big boots with no bother. It's irksome but don't give it more headspace than it needs.

Persuadable · 24/10/2023 14:48

You should have said exactly that! and with a big smile whilst pretending to agree and at the same time totally missing their point - and making your own

"Abolutely! They were my boots to begin with! My mat cover had big boots to fill and they did a great job. Thanks X (speakign to mat cover now), looking forward to handover and getting back to it."

Its so easy not to head these things off at the pass - its better to hold your line than regret it later. We women do it too often!

DNAwrangler · 24/10/2023 14:50

I’m usually a big proponent for letting (minor) things go. But a manager made a similar comment to me when I got back from maternity leave, and it has had a lasting impact. I’m generally pretty resilient, but it’s something I still think about occasionally (seven years on). This manager (mine) is a nice guy and would, I think, be horrified to know this.

Maybe it’s best to make it known how these comments land and, maybe, stop it happening to more women.

RudsyFarmer · 24/10/2023 14:51

Ouch. The inference was that your temporary replacement was better than you. I would be job hunting.

Lakeyloo · 24/10/2023 14:54

I think it was the Director trying to be complimentary about the interim cover rather than uncomplimentary about you.
Just try and forget it.
I think only people who know they slack, or blag their way through their role or aren't good at their job should be worried about a comment like this (if the cap fits scenario), and that doesn't sound like you.

Ifyoulikealotofchocolateonyourbiscuit · 24/10/2023 15:05

I would be pissed off too. They’re your boots and you already filled them.

Agapornis · 24/10/2023 15:09

Did your mat cover get paid more than you for 60% of the work? Because now you know you can get away with doing 40% less work...

Ormonde · 24/10/2023 15:57

Sounds like your mat cover did a better job than you and they don’t really want you back.

ThirdDressStress · 24/10/2023 16:06

Did lots of things change while you were away? All our forecasting packs and presentations have changed this year so it would make sense in those terms, that the replacement had got the ball rolling for you.

Sorry probably clutching at straws with that one!

YaWeeFurryBastard · 24/10/2023 16:09

RudsyFarmer · 24/10/2023 14:51

Ouch. The inference was that your temporary replacement was better than you. I would be job hunting.

This I’m afraid and I’m not saying this to be nasty, but I think from the comment the regional director thinks you’ve been outperformed so it’s probably time to move on.

Fionaville · 24/10/2023 16:11

It was a shitty thing to say to you at any time, but especially on your first day back. Also, this is what comes from people saying having a baby is 'no big deal' (I see it on here often) Not one scrap of empathy to a new mum on her first day back at work.

Ilovelifeverymuch · 24/10/2023 17:18

Chowtime · 24/10/2023 14:06

Ignore. Regional Director probably pissed off because they themselves were mildly inconvenienced by you having a baby. Twat. (the RD, not you).

Or the RD be truly impressed with the work the cover did. Not sure how being inconvenienced that she had a baby matches the statement that she has big boots to fill up on return.

WiddlinDiddlin · 24/10/2023 17:44

A sharp but smiley 'I am well aware of that, they're my boots...' at the time would have done... However the moment has passed, choose to take it the least offensive way possible and forget about it. You know you're good at the job!

lamalamalamasquirrel · 24/10/2023 17:49

I think they were trying to let everyone know the temp was leaving and had done a good job and they liked what they did but you would be taking over now. It sounds like it could have been an awkward situation so I wouldn't get too hung up on the one comment.

lamalamalamasquirrel · 24/10/2023 17:51

if the boots have been filled by someone else the boots may have changed shape a bit. Or something. Take it steady and you'll get right back into it in no time.

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